Just a personal update on me. Because I love talking about myself, a flaw I share with every human being born to a modern world.

I have finally shifted into a course and college! I am now taking up Bachelor of Public Administration in the National College of Public Administration and Governance. I honestly applied blindly, not knowing what it is about. But, I'm glad I got in and that I signed with them. B. PA is a pre-law, so, I might actually end up taking law after all. Unfortunately, I am accustomed to reading fiction and writing nonsense; the total opposite of what we do in B PA. My classes are all theoretical this sem, all readings heavy, I might explode in any minute. But, so far, so good, I'm actively participating and enjoying my classes.

I would love to rant about why I did not get into Geology, or Clothing Technology. But the downward spiral of the quality of education in UP might be enough explanation for some colleges desperate moves of "keeping the delinquents out". And I'll leave it at that.

There's really nothing else I can say about myself. I've been planning to talk about DotA but someone else beat me to it, so I just gave up. Haha.

Some sensible posts soon!
♥

Labels: #life, #random, #update, %english, `life, `me

So, I just got my laptop back! I will try to be active online again!

ATM Twitter, Ask.fm, and Tumblr are open in other tabs. I'm trying to catch up. Not that two or three people are looking at SuicidalFoot everyday, though.
Anyway, my laptop also lacks a lot of programs. That screen cap was saved in paint. Oh God. What has life come to. I don't have WinRar, Photoshop, and I'm not sure what else. It'll take some time 'til my laptop is back forreals.

Anyway, I got rejected in Clothing Tech. Like last year, I got rejected in Geol. So, I'm thinking of quitting school and just go hobo.

I've been reading and watching a lot. Don't want to get into any details as of now...

But, srsly, I don't know what else to do with my life. I try my best to go straight and the universe fucks it.

I'll post better soon. Okbye.

Labels: #life, #random, #rant, %english, `me, `problem, `school

[AN: This entry has been sitting in my drafts for such a long time. I think it's about time to post it.]

I have always been enthusiastic about my sorority. I have actively participated in the activities, and practiced the ideals the sorority goes by.

Truth and Enlightenment through service to all.

People will always think of PARTYING, DRINKING, HAZING, when the words fraternity or sorority are talked about. I confess, before being a part of a sorority, I always thought people in frats and sors are dangerous, irresponsible, and tactless.

I owe my being a lady to Inah. She was the one to invite me. When she asked me if I wanted to join, I was skeptical. I told her I didn't have time for any trouble. And she said, "ipapahamak ba naman kita?" Inah, being my senior from high school, and knowing her as a responsible student, a role mode, I believed her.

I was oriented that same day. Everything Mommy Cams, MemComm head then, kept me holding on. The services they do for the people were amazing: an adopted school, an annual blood drive, and more. What I was doubting was their application process: NO 3Ps. No Pera, No Public humiliation, No Paddle. I was then also an applicant at UP Rep, an org, who violated aspects of my life, but I pretended not to care, and... I just snapped. I am not joining an org who can not respect me as an applicant. I chose to join Theta Epsilon instead.

I also promised to join that same day. In a span of an hour, a whole new life opened up in-front of me.

I am proud of my sorority. We share a bond that's beyond being friends. The respect among the members, the openness, the love... The people I have to be with are great. Everyone is smart and witty, and they share their knowledge. I am proud of all my sisters. They are not just girls in dresses and high-heeled shoes. They are respectable women, with pretty faces and beautiful hearts.

I love Theta Epsilon Sorority! :)

Labels: #drama, %english, `friends, `me, `school, happy, text

Here's a UP student looking for some tutoring job. I have taught elementary and high school students, I'm very flexible. Most of the time I teach Sciences and Language, but, I can teach other subjects, too.


College Entrance Exams
--Ranked 2nd in the University of Northern Philippines’ College Entrance Exam, with Full Scholarship of any course of choice
--BS Environmental Science, Ateneo College Entrance Exam
--BS Electronics and Communication Engineering, University of Sto. Tomas Entrance Exam
--BS Applied Physics, with 2.340 UPG, University of the Philippines College Admission Test

Tutoring Experiences
--Science and Language Lecturer, UPCAT Review, Northstar Training and Review Institute (2011 Summer)
--Online Tutor, PSHS Entrance Exam Review, Northstar Training and Review Institute
--Online Tutor, PSHS Lateral Exam Review, Northstar Training and Review Institute
--Tutor, Boundless Step Tutorial

Rates are negotiable.
E-mail: wendi753@gmail.com

Labels: #stickynotes, %english, `me, online tutor, tutor, tutor in manila, tutor in quezon city

If I was rich, I'd buy lots of shoes. I'd buy lots of clothes. I'd buy lots of other things to make me prettier / cooler. I'd dress up every single day. I won't be the lazy person that I am now. I'd wake up early to do my hair and make-up. I prolly won't party every night. I won't need to be around party people to feel that I'm cool...ish. Money can buy confidence.

If I was smart and wiser, I'd know what to major-in by now. I won't be blogging about this.

If I was a lesbian... Nothing much would prolly change.

If I was born on another time...

IDK why the hell I'm doing this post. No, wait. Actually, I do: I'm bored. I have a lot more "If I was" stuff in my mind, but I'm really not that *bright* RN. I'm short for words. Well, there's another "short" for me, aside from my legs. ANYWAY, random shit.

I THINK. If you guys read my posts diligently, you'll be a lot stupid-er now. I don't recommend you following my blog anymore. :|

AND SO, why the hell am I awake?

I so love my nails RN, but I'd also like to experiment. Oh, what to do?

GTG. This post is a mess. BYE~!

Labels: #cw, %english, `me

I realized something while I'm going on with my life... Well, I mean... I always listen to songs when I'm with my laptop. it's either open a playlist on YT, or just use my own playlist. And just now, I realized I'm mentally sorting songs for certain moments of my life.

"Ooh~ date song."
"Walking? Swag mode: on."
"After exams, after exams..."
"DANCE~! I wanna da da da da dance!"
"Striptease~"

I have, like, playlists in my head to play as background music in RL.

I bet it's normal and people everywhere unconsciously do it, too.

edit.
I actually have a list of songs I'd like to play in my wedding, and for my future striptease class. I'm going to start a list for my funeral. Kbye. Forrealz.

Labels: #update, %english, `me

Recently, I've been feeling vain. I don't mean liking my face. I mean liking my body. I used to think I'm too short, or too skinny, too weird, too something...

But, just recently, I've been feeling good about myself. I believe I can pull off being the way I am.

SELFPRAISE.

Labels: #update, %english, `me

Just recently, someone asked me: What is your favorite year in high school?

When talking about this with high school classmates / batchmates, we tell each other memories. Oh, how wonderful that is, right?

It's awkward for me. I stay connected with my friends from my first high school. I spend more time with my batchmates from Pisay.

When with eMeMeX, there will always, always be those who say they love their first year. And when people start sharing this and that, I'm just like, "OH, I liked that, too. I remember it completely." Tho, friends have shared a lot from their first year, it will never be the same as being there with them. I will never understand it the way they did, I will never remember it the way they saw it.

When I'm with my first year friends, FdC, the same thing happens. They talk about prom, those field trips, and the people they from this and that summit, and... I don't know these events the way they knew them. I have to cope up more with them, since I missed three years with them. It's hard for me, since in that three years, some of them went different ways and shit (like I did). I don't have four-years-worth of memories to share with them. I barely have ten months. Still those few months are full of laughter and meaning.

I am never really a part of any batch. :/ I love both, of course. It's just sad I couldn't spend the same amount of time with both.

So, anyway, what's my favorite year? I'd say it's the first, in Ilocos Sur National High School. I may have hated the school, and the faculty, but I love the people that turned out to be true friends. It was in my first year that I first learned that I can not magically be good at everything. I have to work hard if I want to be good at something. It was in my first year when I learned to make real friends, those I can and am willing to keep. It was then when I tried rebelling, and lying was my number one skill. It was then that I learned my right and wrong in this kind of society. It was then when I knew so much of what I wanted in life. I was sure of everything I ever wanted.

This post is not meant to hate.

Pisay is great for me, too. But, maybe since I spent more time there, I remember more bad things. I had so much time to hate people (and I don't mean the faculty). I had so much time in Pisay to be mean and believe that I was just being honest. When I wonder why I'm living a life I never thought of before, I think it's Pisay's fault. Pero, syempre, may fault din ako. No hate. I srsly believe I just spent too much time in Pisay, kaya hindi maganda ang feeling ko towards it... siguro.


Pisay was bearable because of the friends I still have up to these days, and the days still to come.

Labels: #life, `me, `school

Kanina, nag-celebrate kami. Debut ni Marian. Ano, ang hyper ko lang. Gawa na rin siguro na tapos na 'yung Bio Lec and Lab exams. Eh, 'yun. Di, ang hyper ko. Tuwang-tuwa ako kay Mai. Ang ganda nya lang. Kahit na biglaan, at rush-rush lang mga nagawa namin for her, it seems na napasaya naman namin sya.

Naiinggit lang ako. Hindi dahil may surprise thing for her. Mas maayos pa nga 'yung akin nun, eh. Naiinggit ako, kasi, andun si Kuya whoever-that-is. Seems like, 'yun 'yung guy that likes Marian a lot. The whole time, andun s'ya, tahimik lang, pero, point is: andun s'ya. Tapos, syempre, naisayaw n'ya si Marian. Nung magkasama na actually sila, di na s'ya umalis sa tabi niya. Andun lang s'ya. Di sila nag-uusap, pero, point is: magkasama sila.

After nun, magkasama kaming lumabas ni Choi from NIGS. Well, well, well... Andun naman si Froi, sinusundo si Choi. (HAHAHA, funny lang, nagr-rhyme 'yung names nila.) Eh di, sawsaw na naman ako. Mga tatlo o apat na beses ng nangyari 'to. Sinusundo or hinahatid ni Froi si Choi, tas kasama rin ako. Kapag magkakasama kami, ako lang lagi 'yung maingay. Madaldal ako. Nagkukwento lang ako ng kung anu-ano. Di sila nakakapag-usap dahil sakin. Kasi, syempre, nagkukwento ako. Sumasagot naman sila, nakikitawa naman sila. Sabi nga ni Choi, "ako kasi ang boss." Pero, kahit ganun, magka-holding hands naman sila.


Sa tambayan naman, lagi kong nakikita sina Irah at ML. Ang sweet lang din nila... minsan. Minsan, nagkukulitan sila, nag-aaway. PERO, kahit na. Magkasama pa rin sila. Nakikita ko sina Gel at Albei, 'yung isa sakanila napapagod kakahintay / kakahanap sa isa. PERO, in the end, may dumarating, may nahahanap, nagkakasama sila.


Naiinggit ako. Naiinggit ako na may sumusundo sakanila, naghahatid.  Naiinggit ako na may kasama silang kumain. Naiinggit ako na may naghahawak ng kamay nila pag naglalakad. Naiinggit ako na may naghihintay sakanila after class. Naiinggit ako na every single day, may chance silang magkita at magkasama. Naiinggit ako na, kahit wala masyadong nangyayari sa buong araw, nagkasama naman sila. Naiinggit ako na, sila, may daily routines together. Naiinggit ako. Naiinggit talaga ako na magkakasama sila.

FUCK DISTANCE.

Pero, anong magagawa ko? Andito na 'ko, eh. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. Ilalaban ko 'to. Kahit walang sumusundo at naghahatid sakin, kahit walang nagdadala ng pagkain sa dorm, kahit walang nag-aantay sakin after class, kahit wala akong ka-holding hands sa SC, kahit wala akong mahawakan at ma-hug na boyfriend ko every school day... Alam ko naman sa sarili ko, pinili ko pa ring maging boyfriend si Marcgell kasi mahal ko talaga s'ya. Hindi dahil nasanay akong kasama sya. Hindi dahil kaya niya akong sunduin at ihatid. Hindi dahil malapit siya, hindi dahil convenient.
Boyfriend ko siya, kasi, mahal ko siya.

Mahirap, kasi sobrang namimiss ko siya. Tapos ang hirap pa, kasi, hindi naman pwedeng every weekend andito siya, or andun ako. May org siya, may soro ako, may exams pag weekend, may exams pag monday... Mahirap mag-hanap ng time para magkasama kami. Pero, naipipilit pa rin naman namin. It makes it more special, too. It's because we don't always see each other that we value our little time together. There's no time for anything else but love.

Labels: #update, %taglish, `me

Madalas akong tanungin ni Marcgell, "'di ka ba naniniwala?"

'Di raw ba ako naniniwala na mahal nya ako? Or, na ako lang? Or this, or that? Hindi ko diretsong masagot ang tanong na ito. Iba kasi kapag trust at faith 'yung issue.

Labels: #life, %taglish, `life, `me

Rock Infinitum (RI) is a battle of the bands which aims to showcase the versatility of the participating bands. Each band shall play three songs in rock version: one cover song, one original composition, and one cover song on the theme of RI.


Bands will compete for the Php6,000 grand prize and a trophy. The second placer will receive a Php3,000 prize and a trophy. Consolation and raffle prizes will also be given away during the event.

Theme: 90's
Date: DECEMBER 2, 2011 (Friday)
Venue: BLACK KING'S BAR, Westlife Building, West Ave., QC
For band slot reservations, please go to this link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/YCJYHMB


Tickets at Php200 entitled to free flowing drinks and a chance to win on raffles.
https://www.facebook.com/events/281753325222597/


>>>for the benefit of Bihawo Elementary School in Botolan, Zambales<<<


For inquiries or ticket reservation, contact:
0927 531 7317
0917 585 4211


Brought to you by UP Kappa Epsilon Fraternity and UP Theta Epsilon Sorority.

Labels: #stickynotes, %english, `me, `school, fireworks

They say we miss the past because we're not quite happy of the present, or we don't see a promising future.

I have been going back to the past lately. And by lately, I mean every time I get the chance since midterms last sem. I'm trying to look for the exact time that I lose track of what I really want in life.

Right now, I'm going with the flow. Acads' fine, social life's fine... But, then what?

I know there was a time I was so sure of what I want in life. I had it all figured out, mapped, planned. All I had to do is tick off every goal I finish. But, I'm not getting anywhere. My heart is not happy with what I'm doing. I don't feel that this is what I want to do.

I don't want to be a Physicist anymore. I like Physics. I love the thrill, the chase, the challenge. But. I'm too scared, I'm fragile. I can only be rejected once. I just... can't... anymore.

Actually, I'm too scared for anything and everything right now. I don't have the confidence to be an Engineer, either. I don't know what I want to be. I don't think I want to be this way: Studying Sciences and Maths, and shit. Why? Why this? Did I srsly wanted this to be my life? I want to go back in time and slap myself. Why?

My heart does not belong here. But, what can I do? I can't back down now, can I? I'll just mindlessly go with this shit of a "future" I planned. I was so naive, believing I'd get to love the things the world wanted me to love.

Labels: #cw, #life, %english, `life, `me, `school

At the moment I'm... weird.

1. Mood swings at max.
2. Missing high school life.
3. Stalking at max level. I opened an account by accident! >__> and I invaded that person's privacy. Didn't see anything weird tho. Boring stuff.
4. Worried.
5. Paranoid.
6. Doubting self.
7. Thinking of the "could have been's" and the "what if's".
8. Haven't had any sleep yet. :|

Labels: #update, %english, `me

There are things I can't seem to learn: Patience and Trust.

People mistake my lack of creativity of giving up and letting go as patience. There have been a lot of times that I just want to say "it's enough", but I can't think of a way to express it. Hindi ko maisip kung paano ko sasabihing, ayoko na. Then there are times that I make up my mind, I'm sure I want to end something, other things come up and won't let me to. 'Yun bang tipong, hindi ka pala pwedeng mag-give up. Kasi 'yun ang sabi ng society, or ng religion, or ng parents mo, or ng friends mo... And so I pretend to enjoy whatever's there. Then it becomes a "part" of normal life. I just ignore it.

Trust. I don't trust people completely. There's always a part on me that says, "baka gaguhin ka rin n'yan." Still, I'm the type of person that gives everything 'til I'm sure it's wrong to do so.
I started doubting when I told the truth and was accused of lying. It might have happened several times, but, one too many cases. It escalated when I lied and got away with it. Why is everybody trying to complicate everything?

The rain makes me think too much.

Labels: #life, %taglish, `life, `me, suicidal

The kids are always working hard, and waiting for KE and ThE to come. :)

Just me playing bahay-baboy-bagyo with the Grade 3 pupils.

Smile. Everyone wants to be happy. :)

Labels: #life, #update, %english, `me

The question I got is from Niki: If you were to repeat a specific part in your life, what would it be? 

Every time I have exams, I ask myself: Why am I here? Why did I enter this university? I could have stayed in the province, study in the local university and be one of the smartest, and I'd be doing what I want to do, what other people should be doing right now…

But, I'm not saying I don't want to be here in UP. After exams, "yes, I did it." But, just before I enter a classroom, I always want to go back to time I was sure of what I really want.

If I could go back to a specific part of my life, that would be when I choose to enter UP. I want to go back to when I chose to be in these classrooms, with different people from different places. I want to go back to when I looked forward to being here with you guys, suffering together.

I want to go back to when I didn't have all of these (yet). Sometimes, it's nice to go back to the time where everything is just a dream.

Labels: #cw, %english, `life, `me, `school

1. I love Ketchup.
Read more »

Labels: #list, #stickynotes, %english, `me, `school

Let me tell you about how I got to be the awesome me I am today. No. Of course, I'm just joking. I'm born awesome.

Let me tell you about things that people keep on asking me about. This is the dawn of another series of posts. And then maybe I should put up a FAQ page.

Labels: #cw, %english, `life, `me, let me tell you, suicidal

I'm living in a web of lies. I don't know my reality.

Labels: #life, %english, `life, `me, suicidal

People lie. People pretend.

Labels: #life, #update, %english, `me

Just a personal update on me. Because I love talking about myself, a flaw I share with every human being born to a modern world.

I have finally shifted into a course and college! I am now taking up Bachelor of Public Administration in the National College of Public Administration and Governance. I honestly applied blindly, not knowing what it is about. But, I'm glad I got in and that I signed with them. B. PA is a pre-law, so, I might actually end up taking law after all. Unfortunately, I am accustomed to reading fiction and writing nonsense; the total opposite of what we do in B PA. My classes are all theoretical this sem, all readings heavy, I might explode in any minute. But, so far, so good, I'm actively participating and enjoying my classes.

I would love to rant about why I did not get into Geology, or Clothing Technology. But the downward spiral of the quality of education in UP might be enough explanation for some colleges desperate moves of "keeping the delinquents out". And I'll leave it at that.

There's really nothing else I can say about myself. I've been planning to talk about DotA but someone else beat me to it, so I just gave up. Haha.

Some sensible posts soon!
♥

Labels: #life, #random, #update, %english, `life, `me

 

So, I just got my laptop back! I will try to be active online again!

ATM Twitter, Ask.fm, and Tumblr are open in other tabs. I'm trying to catch up. Not that two or three people are looking at SuicidalFoot everyday, though.
Anyway, my laptop also lacks a lot of programs. That screen cap was saved in paint. Oh God. What has life come to. I don't have WinRar, Photoshop, and I'm not sure what else. It'll take some time 'til my laptop is back forreals.

Anyway, I got rejected in Clothing Tech. Like last year, I got rejected in Geol. So, I'm thinking of quitting school and just go hobo.

I've been reading and watching a lot. Don't want to get into any details as of now...

But, srsly, I don't know what else to do with my life. I try my best to go straight and the universe fucks it.

I'll post better soon. Okbye.

Labels: #life, #random, #rant, %english, `me, `problem, `school

 

[AN: This entry has been sitting in my drafts for such a long time. I think it's about time to post it.]

I have always been enthusiastic about my sorority. I have actively participated in the activities, and practiced the ideals the sorority goes by.

Truth and Enlightenment through service to all.

People will always think of PARTYING, DRINKING, HAZING, when the words fraternity or sorority are talked about. I confess, before being a part of a sorority, I always thought people in frats and sors are dangerous, irresponsible, and tactless.

I owe my being a lady to Inah. She was the one to invite me. When she asked me if I wanted to join, I was skeptical. I told her I didn't have time for any trouble. And she said, "ipapahamak ba naman kita?" Inah, being my senior from high school, and knowing her as a responsible student, a role mode, I believed her.

I was oriented that same day. Everything Mommy Cams, MemComm head then, kept me holding on. The services they do for the people were amazing: an adopted school, an annual blood drive, and more. What I was doubting was their application process: NO 3Ps. No Pera, No Public humiliation, No Paddle. I was then also an applicant at UP Rep, an org, who violated aspects of my life, but I pretended not to care, and... I just snapped. I am not joining an org who can not respect me as an applicant. I chose to join Theta Epsilon instead.

I also promised to join that same day. In a span of an hour, a whole new life opened up in-front of me.

I am proud of my sorority. We share a bond that's beyond being friends. The respect among the members, the openness, the love... The people I have to be with are great. Everyone is smart and witty, and they share their knowledge. I am proud of all my sisters. They are not just girls in dresses and high-heeled shoes. They are respectable women, with pretty faces and beautiful hearts.

I love Theta Epsilon Sorority! :)

Labels: #drama, %english, `friends, `me, `school, happy, text

 

Here's a UP student looking for some tutoring job. I have taught elementary and high school students, I'm very flexible. Most of the time I teach Sciences and Language, but, I can teach other subjects, too.


College Entrance Exams
--Ranked 2nd in the University of Northern Philippines’ College Entrance Exam, with Full Scholarship of any course of choice
--BS Environmental Science, Ateneo College Entrance Exam
--BS Electronics and Communication Engineering, University of Sto. Tomas Entrance Exam
--BS Applied Physics, with 2.340 UPG, University of the Philippines College Admission Test

Tutoring Experiences
--Science and Language Lecturer, UPCAT Review, Northstar Training and Review Institute (2011 Summer)
--Online Tutor, PSHS Entrance Exam Review, Northstar Training and Review Institute
--Online Tutor, PSHS Lateral Exam Review, Northstar Training and Review Institute
--Tutor, Boundless Step Tutorial

Rates are negotiable.
E-mail: wendi753@gmail.com

Labels: #stickynotes, %english, `me, online tutor, tutor, tutor in manila, tutor in quezon city

 

If I was rich, I'd buy lots of shoes. I'd buy lots of clothes. I'd buy lots of other things to make me prettier / cooler. I'd dress up every single day. I won't be the lazy person that I am now. I'd wake up early to do my hair and make-up. I prolly won't party every night. I won't need to be around party people to feel that I'm cool...ish. Money can buy confidence.

If I was smart and wiser, I'd know what to major-in by now. I won't be blogging about this.

If I was a lesbian... Nothing much would prolly change.

If I was born on another time...

IDK why the hell I'm doing this post. No, wait. Actually, I do: I'm bored. I have a lot more "If I was" stuff in my mind, but I'm really not that *bright* RN. I'm short for words. Well, there's another "short" for me, aside from my legs. ANYWAY, random shit.

I THINK. If you guys read my posts diligently, you'll be a lot stupid-er now. I don't recommend you following my blog anymore. :|

AND SO, why the hell am I awake?

I so love my nails RN, but I'd also like to experiment. Oh, what to do?

GTG. This post is a mess. BYE~!

Labels: #cw, %english, `me

 

I realized something while I'm going on with my life... Well, I mean... I always listen to songs when I'm with my laptop. it's either open a playlist on YT, or just use my own playlist. And just now, I realized I'm mentally sorting songs for certain moments of my life.

"Ooh~ date song."
"Walking? Swag mode: on."
"After exams, after exams..."
"DANCE~! I wanna da da da da dance!"
"Striptease~"

I have, like, playlists in my head to play as background music in RL.

I bet it's normal and people everywhere unconsciously do it, too.

edit.
I actually have a list of songs I'd like to play in my wedding, and for my future striptease class. I'm going to start a list for my funeral. Kbye. Forrealz.

Labels: #update, %english, `me

 

Recently, I've been feeling vain. I don't mean liking my face. I mean liking my body. I used to think I'm too short, or too skinny, too weird, too something...

But, just recently, I've been feeling good about myself. I believe I can pull off being the way I am.

SELFPRAISE.

Labels: #update, %english, `me

 

Just recently, someone asked me: What is your favorite year in high school?

When talking about this with high school classmates / batchmates, we tell each other memories. Oh, how wonderful that is, right?

It's awkward for me. I stay connected with my friends from my first high school. I spend more time with my batchmates from Pisay.

When with eMeMeX, there will always, always be those who say they love their first year. And when people start sharing this and that, I'm just like, "OH, I liked that, too. I remember it completely." Tho, friends have shared a lot from their first year, it will never be the same as being there with them. I will never understand it the way they did, I will never remember it the way they saw it.

When I'm with my first year friends, FdC, the same thing happens. They talk about prom, those field trips, and the people they from this and that summit, and... I don't know these events the way they knew them. I have to cope up more with them, since I missed three years with them. It's hard for me, since in that three years, some of them went different ways and shit (like I did). I don't have four-years-worth of memories to share with them. I barely have ten months. Still those few months are full of laughter and meaning.

I am never really a part of any batch. :/ I love both, of course. It's just sad I couldn't spend the same amount of time with both.

So, anyway, what's my favorite year? I'd say it's the first, in Ilocos Sur National High School. I may have hated the school, and the faculty, but I love the people that turned out to be true friends. It was in my first year that I first learned that I can not magically be good at everything. I have to work hard if I want to be good at something. It was in my first year when I learned to make real friends, those I can and am willing to keep. It was then when I tried rebelling, and lying was my number one skill. It was then that I learned my right and wrong in this kind of society. It was then when I knew so much of what I wanted in life. I was sure of everything I ever wanted.

This post is not meant to hate.

Pisay is great for me, too. But, maybe since I spent more time there, I remember more bad things. I had so much time to hate people (and I don't mean the faculty). I had so much time in Pisay to be mean and believe that I was just being honest. When I wonder why I'm living a life I never thought of before, I think it's Pisay's fault. Pero, syempre, may fault din ako. No hate. I srsly believe I just spent too much time in Pisay, kaya hindi maganda ang feeling ko towards it... siguro.


Pisay was bearable because of the friends I still have up to these days, and the days still to come.

Labels: #life, `me, `school

 

Kanina, nag-celebrate kami. Debut ni Marian. Ano, ang hyper ko lang. Gawa na rin siguro na tapos na 'yung Bio Lec and Lab exams. Eh, 'yun. Di, ang hyper ko. Tuwang-tuwa ako kay Mai. Ang ganda nya lang. Kahit na biglaan, at rush-rush lang mga nagawa namin for her, it seems na napasaya naman namin sya.

Naiinggit lang ako. Hindi dahil may surprise thing for her. Mas maayos pa nga 'yung akin nun, eh. Naiinggit ako, kasi, andun si Kuya whoever-that-is. Seems like, 'yun 'yung guy that likes Marian a lot. The whole time, andun s'ya, tahimik lang, pero, point is: andun s'ya. Tapos, syempre, naisayaw n'ya si Marian. Nung magkasama na actually sila, di na s'ya umalis sa tabi niya. Andun lang s'ya. Di sila nag-uusap, pero, point is: magkasama sila.

After nun, magkasama kaming lumabas ni Choi from NIGS. Well, well, well... Andun naman si Froi, sinusundo si Choi. (HAHAHA, funny lang, nagr-rhyme 'yung names nila.) Eh di, sawsaw na naman ako. Mga tatlo o apat na beses ng nangyari 'to. Sinusundo or hinahatid ni Froi si Choi, tas kasama rin ako. Kapag magkakasama kami, ako lang lagi 'yung maingay. Madaldal ako. Nagkukwento lang ako ng kung anu-ano. Di sila nakakapag-usap dahil sakin. Kasi, syempre, nagkukwento ako. Sumasagot naman sila, nakikitawa naman sila. Sabi nga ni Choi, "ako kasi ang boss." Pero, kahit ganun, magka-holding hands naman sila.


Sa tambayan naman, lagi kong nakikita sina Irah at ML. Ang sweet lang din nila... minsan. Minsan, nagkukulitan sila, nag-aaway. PERO, kahit na. Magkasama pa rin sila. Nakikita ko sina Gel at Albei, 'yung isa sakanila napapagod kakahintay / kakahanap sa isa. PERO, in the end, may dumarating, may nahahanap, nagkakasama sila.


Naiinggit ako. Naiinggit ako na may sumusundo sakanila, naghahatid.  Naiinggit ako na may kasama silang kumain. Naiinggit ako na may naghahawak ng kamay nila pag naglalakad. Naiinggit ako na may naghihintay sakanila after class. Naiinggit ako na every single day, may chance silang magkita at magkasama. Naiinggit ako na, kahit wala masyadong nangyayari sa buong araw, nagkasama naman sila. Naiinggit ako na, sila, may daily routines together. Naiinggit ako. Naiinggit talaga ako na magkakasama sila.

FUCK DISTANCE.

Pero, anong magagawa ko? Andito na 'ko, eh. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. Ilalaban ko 'to. Kahit walang sumusundo at naghahatid sakin, kahit walang nagdadala ng pagkain sa dorm, kahit walang nag-aantay sakin after class, kahit wala akong ka-holding hands sa SC, kahit wala akong mahawakan at ma-hug na boyfriend ko every school day... Alam ko naman sa sarili ko, pinili ko pa ring maging boyfriend si Marcgell kasi mahal ko talaga s'ya. Hindi dahil nasanay akong kasama sya. Hindi dahil kaya niya akong sunduin at ihatid. Hindi dahil malapit siya, hindi dahil convenient.
Boyfriend ko siya, kasi, mahal ko siya.

Mahirap, kasi sobrang namimiss ko siya. Tapos ang hirap pa, kasi, hindi naman pwedeng every weekend andito siya, or andun ako. May org siya, may soro ako, may exams pag weekend, may exams pag monday... Mahirap mag-hanap ng time para magkasama kami. Pero, naipipilit pa rin naman namin. It makes it more special, too. It's because we don't always see each other that we value our little time together. There's no time for anything else but love.

Labels: #update, %taglish, `me

 

Madalas akong tanungin ni Marcgell, "'di ka ba naniniwala?"

'Di raw ba ako naniniwala na mahal nya ako? Or, na ako lang? Or this, or that? Hindi ko diretsong masagot ang tanong na ito. Iba kasi kapag trust at faith 'yung issue.

Labels: #life, %taglish, `life, `me

 

Rock Infinitum (RI) is a battle of the bands which aims to showcase the versatility of the participating bands. Each band shall play three songs in rock version: one cover song, one original composition, and one cover song on the theme of RI.


Bands will compete for the Php6,000 grand prize and a trophy. The second placer will receive a Php3,000 prize and a trophy. Consolation and raffle prizes will also be given away during the event.

Theme: 90's
Date: DECEMBER 2, 2011 (Friday)
Venue: BLACK KING'S BAR, Westlife Building, West Ave., QC
For band slot reservations, please go to this link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/YCJYHMB


Tickets at Php200 entitled to free flowing drinks and a chance to win on raffles.
https://www.facebook.com/events/281753325222597/


>>>for the benefit of Bihawo Elementary School in Botolan, Zambales<<<


For inquiries or ticket reservation, contact:
0927 531 7317
0917 585 4211


Brought to you by UP Kappa Epsilon Fraternity and UP Theta Epsilon Sorority.

Labels: #stickynotes, %english, `me, `school, fireworks

 

They say we miss the past because we're not quite happy of the present, or we don't see a promising future.

I have been going back to the past lately. And by lately, I mean every time I get the chance since midterms last sem. I'm trying to look for the exact time that I lose track of what I really want in life.

Right now, I'm going with the flow. Acads' fine, social life's fine... But, then what?

I know there was a time I was so sure of what I want in life. I had it all figured out, mapped, planned. All I had to do is tick off every goal I finish. But, I'm not getting anywhere. My heart is not happy with what I'm doing. I don't feel that this is what I want to do.

I don't want to be a Physicist anymore. I like Physics. I love the thrill, the chase, the challenge. But. I'm too scared, I'm fragile. I can only be rejected once. I just... can't... anymore.

Actually, I'm too scared for anything and everything right now. I don't have the confidence to be an Engineer, either. I don't know what I want to be. I don't think I want to be this way: Studying Sciences and Maths, and shit. Why? Why this? Did I srsly wanted this to be my life? I want to go back in time and slap myself. Why?

My heart does not belong here. But, what can I do? I can't back down now, can I? I'll just mindlessly go with this shit of a "future" I planned. I was so naive, believing I'd get to love the things the world wanted me to love.

Labels: #cw, #life, %english, `life, `me, `school

 

At the moment I'm... weird.

1. Mood swings at max.
2. Missing high school life.
3. Stalking at max level. I opened an account by accident! >__> and I invaded that person's privacy. Didn't see anything weird tho. Boring stuff.
4. Worried.
5. Paranoid.
6. Doubting self.
7. Thinking of the "could have been's" and the "what if's".
8. Haven't had any sleep yet. :|

Labels: #update, %english, `me

 

There are things I can't seem to learn: Patience and Trust.

People mistake my lack of creativity of giving up and letting go as patience. There have been a lot of times that I just want to say "it's enough", but I can't think of a way to express it. Hindi ko maisip kung paano ko sasabihing, ayoko na. Then there are times that I make up my mind, I'm sure I want to end something, other things come up and won't let me to. 'Yun bang tipong, hindi ka pala pwedeng mag-give up. Kasi 'yun ang sabi ng society, or ng religion, or ng parents mo, or ng friends mo... And so I pretend to enjoy whatever's there. Then it becomes a "part" of normal life. I just ignore it.

Trust. I don't trust people completely. There's always a part on me that says, "baka gaguhin ka rin n'yan." Still, I'm the type of person that gives everything 'til I'm sure it's wrong to do so.
I started doubting when I told the truth and was accused of lying. It might have happened several times, but, one too many cases. It escalated when I lied and got away with it. Why is everybody trying to complicate everything?

The rain makes me think too much.

Labels: #life, %taglish, `life, `me, suicidal

 

The kids are always working hard, and waiting for KE and ThE to come. :)

Just me playing bahay-baboy-bagyo with the Grade 3 pupils.

Smile. Everyone wants to be happy. :)

Labels: #life, #update, %english, `me

 

The question I got is from Niki: If you were to repeat a specific part in your life, what would it be? 

Every time I have exams, I ask myself: Why am I here? Why did I enter this university? I could have stayed in the province, study in the local university and be one of the smartest, and I'd be doing what I want to do, what other people should be doing right now…

But, I'm not saying I don't want to be here in UP. After exams, "yes, I did it." But, just before I enter a classroom, I always want to go back to time I was sure of what I really want.

If I could go back to a specific part of my life, that would be when I choose to enter UP. I want to go back to when I chose to be in these classrooms, with different people from different places. I want to go back to when I looked forward to being here with you guys, suffering together.

I want to go back to when I didn't have all of these (yet). Sometimes, it's nice to go back to the time where everything is just a dream.

Labels: #cw, %english, `life, `me, `school

 

1. I love Ketchup.
Read more »

Labels: #list, #stickynotes, %english, `me, `school

 

Let me tell you about how I got to be the awesome me I am today. No. Of course, I'm just joking. I'm born awesome.

Let me tell you about things that people keep on asking me about. This is the dawn of another series of posts. And then maybe I should put up a FAQ page.

Labels: #cw, %english, `life, `me, let me tell you, suicidal

 

I'm living in a web of lies. I don't know my reality.

Labels: #life, %english, `life, `me, suicidal

 

People lie. People pretend.

Labels: #life, #update, %english, `me