Suicidal Foot 4.0 - Hell Break
This blog contains five years worth of rants and babbles. It is not for the faint hearted, nor the nosy, nor for the narrow minded. It does not discriminate sex nor religious preferences. It loves you because nobody ever will. All hail Suicidal Foot! All hail the drama queen who writes, and her little servant boy!
Sunday, December 25, 2011 @ 12:00:00 AM
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MERRY CHRISTMAS~! :D
posted by LOR | Permalink
Wednesday, December 14, 2011 @ 1:39:00 AM
FUCK DISTANCE.

Kanina, nag-celebrate kami. Debut ni Marian. Ano, ang hyper ko lang. Gawa na rin siguro na tapos na 'yung Bio Lec and Lab exams. Eh, 'yun. Di, ang hyper ko. Tuwang-tuwa ako kay Mai. Ang ganda nya lang. Kahit na biglaan, at rush-rush lang mga nagawa namin for her, it seems na napasaya naman namin sya.

Naiinggit lang ako. Hindi dahil may surprise thing for her. Mas maayos pa nga 'yung akin nun, eh. Naiinggit ako, kasi, andun si Kuya whoever-that-is. Seems like, 'yun 'yung guy that likes Marian a lot. The whole time, andun s'ya, tahimik lang, pero, point is: andun s'ya. Tapos, syempre, naisayaw n'ya si Marian. Nung magkasama na actually sila, di na s'ya umalis sa tabi niya. Andun lang s'ya. Di sila nag-uusap, pero, point is: magkasama sila.

After nun, magkasama kaming lumabas ni Choi from NIGS. Well, well, well... Andun naman si Froi, sinusundo si Choi. (HAHAHA, funny lang, nagr-rhyme 'yung names nila.) Eh di, sawsaw na naman ako. Mga tatlo o apat na beses ng nangyari 'to. Sinusundo or hinahatid ni Froi si Choi, tas kasama rin ako. Kapag magkakasama kami, ako lang lagi 'yung maingay. Madaldal ako. Nagkukwento lang ako ng kung anu-ano. Di sila nakakapag-usap dahil sakin. Kasi, syempre, nagkukwento ako. Sumasagot naman sila, nakikitawa naman sila. Sabi nga ni Choi, "ako kasi ang boss." Pero, kahit ganun, magka-holding hands naman sila.


Sa tambayan naman, lagi kong nakikita sina Irah at ML. Ang sweet lang din nila... minsan. Minsan, nagkukulitan sila, nag-aaway. PERO, kahit na. Magkasama pa rin sila. Nakikita ko sina Gel at Albei, 'yung isa sakanila napapagod kakahintay / kakahanap sa isa. PERO, in the end, may dumarating, may nahahanap, nagkakasama sila.


Naiinggit ako. Naiinggit ako na may sumusundo sakanila, naghahatid.  Naiinggit ako na may kasama silang kumain. Naiinggit ako na may naghahawak ng kamay nila pag naglalakad. Naiinggit ako na may naghihintay sakanila after class. Naiinggit ako na every single day, may chance silang magkita at magkasama. Naiinggit ako na, kahit wala masyadong nangyayari sa buong araw, nagkasama naman sila. Naiinggit ako na, sila, may daily routines together. Naiinggit ako. Naiinggit talaga ako na magkakasama sila.

FUCK DISTANCE.

Pero, anong magagawa ko? Andito na 'ko, eh. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. Ilalaban ko 'to. Kahit walang sumusundo at naghahatid sakin, kahit walang nagdadala ng pagkain sa dorm, kahit walang nag-aantay sakin after class, kahit wala akong ka-holding hands sa SC, kahit wala akong mahawakan at ma-hug na boyfriend ko every school day... Alam ko naman sa sarili ko, pinili ko pa ring maging boyfriend si Marcgell kasi mahal ko talaga s'ya. Hindi dahil nasanay akong kasama sya. Hindi dahil kaya niya akong sunduin at ihatid. Hindi dahil malapit siya, hindi dahil convenient.
Boyfriend ko siya, kasi, mahal ko siya.

Mahirap, kasi sobrang namimiss ko siya. Tapos ang hirap pa, kasi, hindi naman pwedeng every weekend andito siya, or andun ako. May org siya, may soro ako, may exams pag weekend, may exams pag monday... Mahirap mag-hanap ng time para magkasama kami. Pero, naipipilit pa rin naman namin. It makes it more special, too. It's because we don't always see each other that we value our little time together. There's no time for anything else but love.

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posted by LOR | Permalink
Tuesday, December 13, 2011 @ 12:32:00 PM
Paano ka ba magiging akin?.


By Ninalyn Uy

Isa lang naman ang pamantayan ko sa paghahanap ng karelasyon: ikaw.
Pero siyempre bola lang 'yun. Gusto ko lang kunin ang atensyon mo, dahil hindi ko alam kung magkikita pa tayo ngayong semestre. Nababaliw na nga ako sa kaiisip kung ano ang kahahantungan ng "love story" natin.

Malas mo dahil mahilig akong magbasa ng Tagalog pocket books at manood ng mga Asianovela. Mula sa mga tauhang sinubaybayan ko, alam kong kapag nakuha ng isang babaeng hindi nagsusuklay at hindi naliligo pero kaiba at mukhang madiskarte ang atensyon ng isang lalaki, posibleng maging sila.

Kung bakit mo ba kasi pinipitik ang mga daliri mo sa harap ng mukha ko sa tuwing nagkakasalubong tayo. Lagi mo pa akong kinakalabit, at kahit na sitahin pa kita ng pinakamalulutong na mura, ngumingiti ka lang at tahimik na tumatawa. Tapos bigla kang magsisimula ng mga usapang may kinalaman sa akin - kung saan ako nag-hayskul, ano ang binabasa kong libro, kung masaya ba ako.

Buwisit na buwisit ako sa klase natin last sem, pero isa ka sa mga dahilan kung bakit hindi ako nag-drop. Kahit na narinig kitang tumatawa mag-isa tuwing napapahiya ako sa recitation, at kahit panay ang turo mo sa aking tuwing nagtatawag si Prof ng volunteer, okay lang sa'kin.

Kasalanan mo kung bakit bigla kong pinag-isipan nang mabuti kung ano ang ilalagay kong profile picture sa Facebook. Kasalanan mo kung bakit  napadalaw ako sa ukay-ukay nang mag-isa para lang, oo, mag-shopping. Nabasa ko kasi ang payong ito sa Internet: If someone is flirting with you, please cooperate. Oo, walang biro. Pati mga payo sa internet, pinatulan ko na.

Hinahanap rin kita sa Internet, akala mo. Nagbasa ako ng mga blog entry kung saan binabanggit ang pangalan mo. Inalam ko kung sinu-sino ang common friends natin na posibleng magpalalim sa kung ano mang meron tayo. Pinagtanong kita sa mga kaibigan mo at lahat sila, nagkakasundong mabait ka nga.

Urong-sulong ka rin kasi. Hindi ka masyadong assertive sa pakay mo sa'kin, kung mayroon man. Sa dami ng mga pagkakataong nag-usap tayo, hindi mo hiningi ang number ko kahit kailan. Hindi naman ako madamot sa "oo." Hinihintay ko lang na gumawa ka ng first move. Nang tinawag mo ako noong huling araw ng klase natin para sabay tayong maglakad, nag-usap lang tayo't naghiwalay na parang talent ni Kim Chiu sa pag-arte: wala lang.

Siguro nga wala naman talaga ako sa'yo bukod sa isang kaklase. O marahil naghahanap ka lang ng Ate. Siguro kapag nagkita ulit tayo, tatango ka lang at bahagyang ngingiti pero hindi ka lalapit para makipag-usap. Kaiba ka rin kasi. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit pero sa'yo lang talaga ako natutuyuan ng laway at napangungunahan ng duda at kaba. Siguro kasi sa lahat ng nagustuhan kong lalaki, ikaw lang ang hindi celebrity. 

Sakaling makilala mo ang sarili mo sa akdang ito, alam mo naman kung saan ako maaaring puntahan o kausapin. At huwag kang mag-alala - hindi pa rin ako madamot sa "oo." Aanhin ko naman 'yun.

Originally published:
Kule / Philippine Collegian
Martes 15 Nobyembre 2011

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posted by LOR | Permalink
Sunday, December 11, 2011 @ 2:52:00 AM
Theta Epsilon @ 38.


I am Lor, batch head of 11D, now Lady Herald of Theta Epsilon Sorority. I may be a part of the baby batch, but I am an active member. As much as possible, I finish everything I have to do to be able to help with Sorority work.

Theta Epsilon, even from the very start, seems so perfect for me. It's really hard to explain things that should be kept low profile. So, as of now, just take my word for it. This sisterhood is perfect for me. :)


Helping other people is never easy. We have to plan it, put it to paper, look for money / sponsors, put it to paper, and finally execute the plan. We are but students, too. We are busy with acads, family matters, friends. Still, we make everything work. We were able to have the blood letting activity and the outreach program.

Being in a sorority has its advantages. First of, it gets in your resume. Second, you get to experience the wealth of the alumni. No kidding. And, well, of course, the undeniable good memories made with the brods and sisses. :) Memories of working together, simple chit-chats, and going through drama together.


Sis Inah, my high school senior, thank you for inviting me into this exclusive circle. Congratulations for being the Lady Keeper of the Whip.

Mommy Cams, then LKW, thank you for convincing me to join. Thank you for telling me to never give up. Thank you for telling me to always follow my heart. :) I love you still.

Bossang Cherry, kahit ilang ulit n'yo akong sinindak para lang maibigay 'yung gusto mong iparating - show your worth - Thank you. My loyalty is forever yours.

Lia, my batchmate, now Lady Keeper of the Scroll, my partner in crime (forever and ever), I love you. :) Sums it all.

My other batchmates, Mai, Van, Amery, Chel, and Ienne, sisses, let's all give back to the sorority. :) Let's work together. Let's make more lives easier, let's spread more laughter. :) I love you~!


HAPPY 38th YEARS, UP THETA EPSILON SORORITY!
Truth and Enlightenment through service to all.



P.S.

Thank you, aTheng Connie, founder, for the jacket~! :)

caricature by Maj Rosario (color via PS, me)

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posted by LOR | Permalink
Thursday, December 8, 2011 @ 3:13:00 AM
TLDR.

Madalas akong tanungin ni Marcgell, "'di ka ba naniniwala?"

'Di raw ba ako naniniwala na mahal nya ako? Or, na ako lang? Or this, or that? Hindi ko diretsong masagot ang tanong na ito. Iba kasi kapag trust at faith 'yung issue.

Una sa lahat, hindi naman talaga ako 'yung tipo ng tao na mahilig mag-trust sa iba. In all honesty, kay Marcgell lang 'ata ako naging honest ng tuloy-tuloy... 'Yun nung hindi pa kami. Totoo, may times na nag-lie ako kina Mea, Irah, Ivana, Reyna, Toffer, Paula, Nica, Vil, Pajas, Arden, Andrew... Pero kay Marcgell, wala akong maisip na time na I lied. I might have, siguro about something stupid and irrelevant with life. It's ironic, actually, knowing that he's a blabbermouth.

And, well, nung nagawa n'ya ngang isabay ako sa ibang babae n'ya, nawala lahat ng trust ko sakanya. 'Yung tipong, "there's a lie in there, somewhere," every single time he tells me something. He exaggerates things, over-reacts, and well, he's selfish, too. Lying to him is like breathing. I should just nod and say okay. That's how my mind worked during those times.

IDK how I got past that stage. Maybe, just maybe, it's love. LOL. Ang cheesy, shit! Shoot me now! :)))

It's faith. Faith in this relationship. I want to believe that this is it. Anong sense ng relationship kapag iisipin mong, "maghihiwalay rin lang kami."? Di ba? (At, 'yun nga, may natutunan naman pala ako kay Vil. Yey~!) I want to believe that, even if we failed to start this right, we'll have to end this right: together at the altar.

It's faith. Faith in him. I want to believe him when he tells me he loves me. I want to believe that we really will make everything okay. I want to believe that all this shit, every little drama, is just me over-reacting. I want to hear every "I love you" and chills will run down my spine. I want to read every "I love you" and a brand new smile will find my face. I want to feel every hug and every kiss, and know that he really loves me.


I don't like you lying to me. I don't want you to pretend. So, please, tell me everything. I know, it takes time, but I'll trust you completely again someday. For someone who rushed into a relationship, who am I to demand time, right? WRONG. I get what I want, and that's time. Time for you to spoil me more... SELFISH? Haha. :))

Also... Maybe I have my guards up too high for a girl who's demands keep coming in... But, you know, all the hassle is worth it, right?

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posted by LOR | Permalink
Sunday, December 4, 2011 @ 2:21:00 AM
UPDATE.


Andami kong gustong i-blog.

This weekend, as in Saturday and Sunday, lang siguro ang matinong rest day, ulet, for a very long time.
BUT, I'm not complaining for the lack of time to do nothing. I love having something to do. Since, ayoko ng dull moments with just myself.

Anyway, like I said, andami kong gustong i-post. I want to talk about Mommy Cams, Ninang Kim, Rock Infinitum 3, Marcgell, Christmas, my Lola Lily, Marcgell, my batchmates, and some other stuff... like acads. 'Cause I have that, too. :|


Anyway, I really missed Mommy Cams. It's been two months, and, well... Ayokong masanay na wala sya. I'm so glad na nag-attend sya ng Rock Infinitum 3. Tho, hindi kami nakapag-kwentuhan, ang saya ko pa rin na nakita ko sya, busy, hyper. Buti na rin at dumating sya, since may nag-entertain ng alumni. (Totally forgot about that. :O Oops.)

Saludo ako kay Ninang Kim. Hindi ko sya piniling maging ninang, at wala lang talaga akong choice noon, na, parang binigay talaga sya ni God para maging ninang ko. x) Hala. OA na. Anyway, maganda grades n'ya, may social life siya, at ang sexy nya talaga. x___x Someday, I'll be like her. HAHAHAHA.

Hindi ko na naman pinag-iisipan mga sinasabi ko dito...

Jejemon.

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posted by LOR | Permalink
Friday, December 2, 2011 @ 11:42:00 AM
G? :).

posted by LOR | Permalink