At one point in our lives, we hope,we wish for something to return. A feeting moment, a memorable night out, a valuable device. Or a person.
When we yearn for things, or people, to return, what we really want is to turn backtime, to relive a particular moment, to stopthe clock and relish with delight a wonderful memory. But when things do return, when relished moments happen again, we do not simply relive the moment – we create new memories, and subsequently, albeit unintentionally, we rewrite the past.
The concept of reoccurrence, of return, is perhaps just wishful thinking. There aremany opportunities that only open once,many events that cannot be repeated, manythings that cannot be fixed or replaced, and people whose return are impossible.
And the implausibility of return of ten times closes our minds to the possibility of the impossible; not letting us see that there remains a fraction of a chance forreappearance. Once deemed impossible,the practicality of the situation overwhelms us, and convinces us to simply shrug off all remaining possibilities and move on.
Such state of mind is the cause of surprise, or in graver instances, shock. For if things we deemed impossible would happen, if people who we thought we lost would reappear, our minds cannot readily accept such incident, for it challenges facts that we have already established in our systems and breaks down the truth that we have learned toaccept and believe in for so long.
That’s how I felt when you returned. You were like the early monsoon rains, anunbelievable occurrence in the sweltering tropical summer. You returned. Out ofnowhere, without prior notice.
“Hello,” you greeted, in your usual uncanny self, with your wide grin spanning the width of your weather-stained face– a face that I have long yearned for. For amoment, I was not able to talk. Is this real, Iasked myself. You kept on grinning.
It has been exactly a year and a half since I last saw you, in the dark streets of Manila,after watching a film in one of the rundown movie houses in the inner city. After that, youdisappeared. No goodbyes, and not even asingle piece of information since that day.
For some months, I tried searching. But I failed to fnd any clues leading to you. By the fourth month, I gave up. And I let youslide into the back of my head, along withall the renegade nights we spent together. And now, out of nowhere, here youstand, recounting to me all the bizarre adventures you have had this past year.I cannot concentrate on what you were saying, as your chapped lips and your distinct new accent confused me.
“And what do you do now?” you asked.
“I write a column,” I said. And you fell silent. In that silence, I realized what was wrong.You cannot just return for you have no roomin my life anymore. Or so I think. I gave out aloud sigh and told you I have a bus to catch.
Be careful what you wish for, I said tomyself, as I walked past you, and past the lamppost that cast an eerie yellow glow to your sunburnt skin.

Labels: #life, %english, kule

posted by LOR | Permalink

It is the time of the year - when juniors and seniors in high school mingle with each other and dance the night away in awkwardly-tailored suits and dresses; when couples and would-be couples flock into fancy restaurants, the guys buying bouquets of roses while the ladies reward their suitors or partners with approving smiles, a card in one hand and a box of chocolates or expensive jewellery  clutched on the other.

Valentine's Day is perhaps one of the most overrated celebrations in the country, second only to Christmas. It is ironic, however, that a nation engulfed in spiralling poverty is engrossed in such a senseless festivity. People spend precious resources to express their supposed affection to their loved ones, seemingly trying to compensate for days when love just cannot be accommodated.

Just the other day, you wished that everyday should become Valentine's Day. It simply cannot be. At a time when bulk of the population is either toiling in sweatshops or searching endlessly for jobs or a few pesos to get by, there isn't just enough time or resources to "love" every single day.

For in this maddening world of consumerism, everything has already been commodified - even affection. To love is to buy. To love is to spend. To love is to consume. We put value, price tags on everything. Thus, we simply cannot afford "loving" daily.

We students in the university will disagree to this notion - cloistered inside the academe, we have the luxury of time to relish romantic thoughts and hallucinate on the concept of affection. However, just around the corner, on the fringes of our everyday realities, there is no room for romance - thoughts, dreams and aspirations are swamped by the mechanical workload.

Mankind has reached such sordid state of affairs where even emotions are dictated by the market. Just as everything else, love has become a scarce resource that is available to only those who can afford it. For those who can't, what remains are tacky greeting cards and overpriced flowers that are actually compensatory gifts for the lack of real affection.

We have been rendered numb by the system that has not only taken away from us the value of love, but its very concept, a system that installed in its place a kitsch that we blindly celebrate on Valentine's Day.

No, it's not a cause for celebration.

Labels: #life, %english, kule

posted by LOR | Permalink

Isa lang naman ang pamantayan ko sa paghahanap ng karelasyon: ikaw.
Pero siyempre bola lang 'yun. Gusto ko lang kunin ang atensyon mo, dahil hindi ko alam kung magkikita pa tayo ngayong semestre. Nababaliw na nga ako sa kaiisip kung ano ang kahahantungan ng "love story" natin.

Malas mo dahil mahilig akong magbasa ng Tagalog pocket books at manood ng mga Asianovela. Mula sa mga tauhang sinubaybayan ko, alam kong kapag nakuha ng isang babaeng hindi nagsusuklay at hindi naliligo pero kaiba at mukhang madiskarte ang atensyon ng isang lalaki, posibleng maging sila.

Kung bakit mo ba kasi pinipitik ang mga daliri mo sa harap ng mukha ko sa tuwing nagkakasalubong tayo. Lagi mo pa akong kinakalabit, at kahit na sitahin pa kita ng pinakamalulutong na mura, ngumingiti ka lang at tahimik na tumatawa. Tapos bigla kang magsisimula ng mga usapang may kinalaman sa akin - kung saan ako nag-hayskul, ano ang binabasa kong libro, kung masaya ba ako.

Buwisit na buwisit ako sa klase natin last sem, pero isa ka sa mga dahilan kung bakit hindi ako nag-drop. Kahit na narinig kitang tumatawa mag-isa tuwing napapahiya ako sa recitation, at kahit panay ang turo mo sa aking tuwing nagtatawag si Prof ng volunteer, okay lang sa'kin.

Kasalanan mo kung bakit bigla kong pinag-isipan nang mabuti kung ano ang ilalagay kong profile picture sa Facebook. Kasalanan mo kung bakit  napadalaw ako sa ukay-ukay nang mag-isa para lang, oo, mag-shopping. Nabasa ko kasi ang payong ito sa Internet: If someone is flirting with you, please cooperate. Oo, walang biro. Pati mga payo sa internet, pinatulan ko na.

Hinahanap rin kita sa Internet, akala mo. Nagbasa ako ng mga blog entry kung saan binabanggit ang pangalan mo. Inalam ko kung sinu-sino ang common friends natin na posibleng magpalalim sa kung ano mang meron tayo. Pinagtanong kita sa mga kaibigan mo at lahat sila, nagkakasundong mabait ka nga.

Urong-sulong ka rin kasi. Hindi ka masyadong assertive sa pakay mo sa'kin, kung mayroon man. Sa dami ng mga pagkakataong nag-usap tayo, hindi mo hiningi ang number ko kahit kailan. Hindi naman ako madamot sa "oo." Hinihintay ko lang na gumawa ka ng first move. Nang tinawag mo ako noong huling araw ng klase natin para sabay tayong maglakad, nag-usap lang tayo't naghiwalay na parang talent ni Kim Chiu sa pag-arte: wala lang.

Siguro nga wala naman talaga ako sa'yo bukod sa isang kaklase. O marahil naghahanap ka lang ng Ate. Siguro kapag nagkita ulit tayo, tatango ka lang at bahagyang ngingiti pero hindi ka lalapit para makipag-usap. Kaiba ka rin kasi. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit pero sa'yo lang talaga ako natutuyuan ng laway at napangungunahan ng duda at kaba. Siguro kasi sa lahat ng nagustuhan kong lalaki, ikaw lang ang hindi celebrity. 

Sakaling makilala mo ang sarili mo sa akdang ito, alam mo naman kung saan ako maaaring puntahan o kausapin. At huwag kang mag-alala - hindi pa rin ako madamot sa "oo." Aanhin ko naman 'yun.

Labels: #cw, %tagalog, `love life, kule, text

posted by LOR | Permalink

At one point in our lives, we hope,we wish for something to return. A feeting moment, a memorable night out, a valuable device. Or a person.
When we yearn for things, or people, to return, what we really want is to turn backtime, to relive a particular moment, to stopthe clock and relish with delight a wonderful memory. But when things do return, when relished moments happen again, we do not simply relive the moment – we create new memories, and subsequently, albeit unintentionally, we rewrite the past.
The concept of reoccurrence, of return, is perhaps just wishful thinking. There aremany opportunities that only open once,many events that cannot be repeated, manythings that cannot be fixed or replaced, and people whose return are impossible.
And the implausibility of return of ten times closes our minds to the possibility of the impossible; not letting us see that there remains a fraction of a chance forreappearance. Once deemed impossible,the practicality of the situation overwhelms us, and convinces us to simply shrug off all remaining possibilities and move on.
Such state of mind is the cause of surprise, or in graver instances, shock. For if things we deemed impossible would happen, if people who we thought we lost would reappear, our minds cannot readily accept such incident, for it challenges facts that we have already established in our systems and breaks down the truth that we have learned toaccept and believe in for so long.
That’s how I felt when you returned. You were like the early monsoon rains, anunbelievable occurrence in the sweltering tropical summer. You returned. Out ofnowhere, without prior notice.
“Hello,” you greeted, in your usual uncanny self, with your wide grin spanning the width of your weather-stained face– a face that I have long yearned for. For amoment, I was not able to talk. Is this real, Iasked myself. You kept on grinning.
It has been exactly a year and a half since I last saw you, in the dark streets of Manila,after watching a film in one of the rundown movie houses in the inner city. After that, youdisappeared. No goodbyes, and not even asingle piece of information since that day.
For some months, I tried searching. But I failed to fnd any clues leading to you. By the fourth month, I gave up. And I let youslide into the back of my head, along withall the renegade nights we spent together. And now, out of nowhere, here youstand, recounting to me all the bizarre adventures you have had this past year.I cannot concentrate on what you were saying, as your chapped lips and your distinct new accent confused me.
“And what do you do now?” you asked.
“I write a column,” I said. And you fell silent. In that silence, I realized what was wrong.You cannot just return for you have no roomin my life anymore. Or so I think. I gave out aloud sigh and told you I have a bus to catch.
Be careful what you wish for, I said tomyself, as I walked past you, and past the lamppost that cast an eerie yellow glow to your sunburnt skin.

Labels: #life, %english, kule

It is the time of the year - when juniors and seniors in high school mingle with each other and dance the night away in awkwardly-tailored suits and dresses; when couples and would-be couples flock into fancy restaurants, the guys buying bouquets of roses while the ladies reward their suitors or partners with approving smiles, a card in one hand and a box of chocolates or expensive jewellery  clutched on the other.

Valentine's Day is perhaps one of the most overrated celebrations in the country, second only to Christmas. It is ironic, however, that a nation engulfed in spiralling poverty is engrossed in such a senseless festivity. People spend precious resources to express their supposed affection to their loved ones, seemingly trying to compensate for days when love just cannot be accommodated.

Just the other day, you wished that everyday should become Valentine's Day. It simply cannot be. At a time when bulk of the population is either toiling in sweatshops or searching endlessly for jobs or a few pesos to get by, there isn't just enough time or resources to "love" every single day.

For in this maddening world of consumerism, everything has already been commodified - even affection. To love is to buy. To love is to spend. To love is to consume. We put value, price tags on everything. Thus, we simply cannot afford "loving" daily.

We students in the university will disagree to this notion - cloistered inside the academe, we have the luxury of time to relish romantic thoughts and hallucinate on the concept of affection. However, just around the corner, on the fringes of our everyday realities, there is no room for romance - thoughts, dreams and aspirations are swamped by the mechanical workload.

Mankind has reached such sordid state of affairs where even emotions are dictated by the market. Just as everything else, love has become a scarce resource that is available to only those who can afford it. For those who can't, what remains are tacky greeting cards and overpriced flowers that are actually compensatory gifts for the lack of real affection.

We have been rendered numb by the system that has not only taken away from us the value of love, but its very concept, a system that installed in its place a kitsch that we blindly celebrate on Valentine's Day.

No, it's not a cause for celebration.

Labels: #life, %english, kule

Isa lang naman ang pamantayan ko sa paghahanap ng karelasyon: ikaw.
Pero siyempre bola lang 'yun. Gusto ko lang kunin ang atensyon mo, dahil hindi ko alam kung magkikita pa tayo ngayong semestre. Nababaliw na nga ako sa kaiisip kung ano ang kahahantungan ng "love story" natin.

Malas mo dahil mahilig akong magbasa ng Tagalog pocket books at manood ng mga Asianovela. Mula sa mga tauhang sinubaybayan ko, alam kong kapag nakuha ng isang babaeng hindi nagsusuklay at hindi naliligo pero kaiba at mukhang madiskarte ang atensyon ng isang lalaki, posibleng maging sila.

Kung bakit mo ba kasi pinipitik ang mga daliri mo sa harap ng mukha ko sa tuwing nagkakasalubong tayo. Lagi mo pa akong kinakalabit, at kahit na sitahin pa kita ng pinakamalulutong na mura, ngumingiti ka lang at tahimik na tumatawa. Tapos bigla kang magsisimula ng mga usapang may kinalaman sa akin - kung saan ako nag-hayskul, ano ang binabasa kong libro, kung masaya ba ako.

Buwisit na buwisit ako sa klase natin last sem, pero isa ka sa mga dahilan kung bakit hindi ako nag-drop. Kahit na narinig kitang tumatawa mag-isa tuwing napapahiya ako sa recitation, at kahit panay ang turo mo sa aking tuwing nagtatawag si Prof ng volunteer, okay lang sa'kin.

Kasalanan mo kung bakit bigla kong pinag-isipan nang mabuti kung ano ang ilalagay kong profile picture sa Facebook. Kasalanan mo kung bakit  napadalaw ako sa ukay-ukay nang mag-isa para lang, oo, mag-shopping. Nabasa ko kasi ang payong ito sa Internet: If someone is flirting with you, please cooperate. Oo, walang biro. Pati mga payo sa internet, pinatulan ko na.

Hinahanap rin kita sa Internet, akala mo. Nagbasa ako ng mga blog entry kung saan binabanggit ang pangalan mo. Inalam ko kung sinu-sino ang common friends natin na posibleng magpalalim sa kung ano mang meron tayo. Pinagtanong kita sa mga kaibigan mo at lahat sila, nagkakasundong mabait ka nga.

Urong-sulong ka rin kasi. Hindi ka masyadong assertive sa pakay mo sa'kin, kung mayroon man. Sa dami ng mga pagkakataong nag-usap tayo, hindi mo hiningi ang number ko kahit kailan. Hindi naman ako madamot sa "oo." Hinihintay ko lang na gumawa ka ng first move. Nang tinawag mo ako noong huling araw ng klase natin para sabay tayong maglakad, nag-usap lang tayo't naghiwalay na parang talent ni Kim Chiu sa pag-arte: wala lang.

Siguro nga wala naman talaga ako sa'yo bukod sa isang kaklase. O marahil naghahanap ka lang ng Ate. Siguro kapag nagkita ulit tayo, tatango ka lang at bahagyang ngingiti pero hindi ka lalapit para makipag-usap. Kaiba ka rin kasi. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit pero sa'yo lang talaga ako natutuyuan ng laway at napangungunahan ng duda at kaba. Siguro kasi sa lahat ng nagustuhan kong lalaki, ikaw lang ang hindi celebrity. 

Sakaling makilala mo ang sarili mo sa akdang ito, alam mo naman kung saan ako maaaring puntahan o kausapin. At huwag kang mag-alala - hindi pa rin ako madamot sa "oo." Aanhin ko naman 'yun.

Labels: #cw, %tagalog, `love life, kule, text