I have a suicide note which I used to update every month (or as much as needed). My last update was November. I'm not sure if you people know, but, I do think of suicide.
It's not about how big your problem is, it's about how small you're feeling when you receive the problem.
'Yung mga instances na naalala kong magpakamatay, 'yung unang bagsak ko, Math 17. Gusto ko na talagang mamatay nun. Alam kong magaling ako, alam kong kaya ko naman. Pero, hindi kasi ako pumapasok, kaya bumagsak ako. Hindi ko tinuloy kasi gusto kong imurder yung prof ko. At, seryoso 'yun. Alam kong mali yung rason ko bat di ko tinuloy, pero, atleast, buhay pa ko.
Tapos nung sa Math 53 ko naman. 'Yung naconfine kasi ako ng buong week, nadrop tuloy ako. Alam mo 'yung sobrang effort ka na, tapos, dahil lang nagkasakit ka, wala na. Iniisip ko nun, sana namatay nalang ako ng tuluyan para hindi ko na kailangang masabihang mag-drop. 'Di ko tinuloy kasi, kami na ni Marcgell nun eh. Tapos, ito pa yung mga time na sobrang feel kong mambababae sya, kaya ayoko syang iwan.
Marami pang iba, actually. 'Yung mga simpleng bagay tulad ng ayokong pumasok, naiisipan kong magpakamatay nalang. That way, di ko na kailangan mag-aral, di ko na kailangang pumasok. Pero, naiisip ko kasi 'yung mga makakakita ng body ko. 'Yung magliligpit ng gamit ko. 'Yung gastos ng magulang ko. 'Yung feelings ng mga nagmamahal sakin, na for sure, magreresurface lang pag patay na talaga ako.
Sa mga nangyayari lately, parang araw-araw ko ng naiisip mamatay nalang. Pero, tignan nyo nga naman, na-type ko pa to.
Labels: #life, #update
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to my hs schoolmate, friend, kapakapatid, Geo
Di ba naging close tayo? Naaalala ko pa kung pano tayo naging close. Kasi, magkapitbahay tayo ng classrooms. Haha. Tapos sinasabihan mo ko na cute, na crush mo ko. Niloloko naman kita na pwede ka na rin, cute na rin, haha. Pero, sabi mo may crush ka talaga... Tinatanong mo pa ko kung paano ba manligaw. Tinatawanan pa kita nun. Sabi ko, bata ka pa, wag ka magmadali. Pero, go ka pa rin. Kasi nga crush na crush mo sya, sabi mo. Eh di, sige, "kung gusto mo talaga."
Naalala ko pa yung tinext mo ko, Sunday 'yun. Sabi mo nag-date kayo. Tas nahalikan mo sya. Tinawanan na naman kita. Sabi ko masyado kang nagmamadali. Pero, sige lang, kasi masaya ka naman. Kaya masaya na rin ako.
Tapos naging kayo na. At alam kong masaya ka talaga.
Paano nga ba tayo natigil magkatext?
Ah. Nung nagkaproblema ako sa sarili kong relationship ata. Blinock out ko rin lahat. At nung okay na ko, di na kita nabalikan.
Pero, hindi naman tayo nag-away. Di rin naman tayo nagkalayuan ng loob. Okay pa rin tayo. Cool pa rin tayo sa isa't isa kahit di na tayo close tulad ng dati.
Naalala ko rin pala, na napagusapan natin noon kung paano kahirap ang buhay.Di ba? Andaming problema. Andaming kailangan gawin. Andaming kailangan ma-achieve. Andaming ganito, ganyan. Pero, di ba, sabi ko sayo masama mag-give up. Ang hindi ko lang nasabi kung bakit masama 'yun.
At nagsisisi ako na hindi kita nasabihan. Sorry, kasi late ko rin narealize kung bakit mali 'yun. Sana pala, nag-share ako agad sayo nung time na nag-reflect ako. Kaso, hindi na rin kasi tayo ganun kaclose. Sorry na hindi natuloy yung closeness natin. Sorry na hindi kita natulungan, na hindi kita nakausap, na hindi ko alam na may pinagdadaanan ka pala.
Gusto kitang pagalitan ngayon. Pero, I also feel so sorry for you. I'm sorry that you felt that it was the only way out for you.
Alam mo, masama yun. Masama mag-give up. Lahat tayo nawalan na ng minamahal sa buhay. Diba, yun ngang grandparents na alam na dapat natin na law of nature, everybody will die someday. Pero, pag may nawala, kahit by old age, ang hirap pa rin tanggapin. Paano pa kaya yung ikaw mismo nagdecide na ayaw mo na? Sobrang hirap para samin. Lahat kami apektado. Lahat kami may pagkukulang sayo. Ang bigat ng loob naming lahat. Andami naming para sayo, andami naming nagmamahal sayo, pero, wala kaming nagawa. Hindi mo man lang kami nakausap, nasabihan na may problema, na nahihirapan ka na.
Sana nanood ka nalang ng anime. Sana naglasing ka nalang. Sana nag-drugs ka nalang. Siguro madali lang makalimutan 'yun. Pero, yung ganto? Yung hindi ka na namin makikita til we reach our own time? Sobrang hirap talaga.
Sadyang totoo nga na yung mga tayong sobrang sayang kasama dahil sobrang masayahin sila ay ang mga taong maraming tinatagong hirap sa buhay.
Geo, I know na there should have been a better world for you. I'm sorry you are no longer here to be in it.
Labels: #drama, #life, %taglish, `friends, `life, sad
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Hi, everyone. It's been three million years since the last post, so, I figured I really need to write something, anything. Sorry about that.
So, first of all, HAPPY 2013! Today is the start of my 25th month with Marcgell. We are defly keeping it tight. Because love.
Speaking of love, I want to talk about my parents. Every morning, when I have a lot of time before doing the things I have to do (like eat breakfast, bathe, go to class...), I think of how lucky I am with my parents. I honestly pray to God and thank him for giving me the parents that I have. If there really is a God, he'll have a list of why I love my parents.
I believe my parents love each other so much. If they ever fight, they don't show us. They have little misunderstandings sometimes, I admit, but never serious. My Dad still kisses my Mom. My Mom still cooks what my Dad wants. They do lambing even if it's gross sometimes, lol. Kidding.
My Dad used to go home every weekend, said he misses us. It's been six or seven years since then, I think. Now he goes home every other weekend, just because my Mom was able to convince to not travel Manila-Vigan-Manila every weekend. My Dad's efforts to be with the family is remarkable. He travels 8-10 hours, one way, just to be with us. My Dad is Superman.
My parents provide for us. We might not have Mac laptops (not like we want them, anyway), or iPad, or iPhones, but, they provide for us. We have our laptops, our mobile phones, our lunch money... They pay for our tuition. They ask us how we are, tell us to do good, remind us that they love us. They give us what we need to survive, to be sane, to be normal kids that we are; and sometimes more just to show off.
I'm not sure if my parents are strict. I think they're quite fun. They let us have our fun. Also, I feel that they trust us. They are just awesome people.
I wish to have a happy family like the one my parents built for us. My parents have the ideal relationship and the best sons and daughters. :) Labels: #update, `life, fireworks
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I have a suicide note which I used to update every month (or as much as needed). My last update was November. I'm not sure if you people know, but, I do think of suicide.
It's not about how big your problem is, it's about how small you're feeling when you receive the problem.
'Yung mga instances na naalala kong magpakamatay, 'yung unang bagsak ko, Math 17. Gusto ko na talagang mamatay nun. Alam kong magaling ako, alam kong kaya ko naman. Pero, hindi kasi ako pumapasok, kaya bumagsak ako. Hindi ko tinuloy kasi gusto kong imurder yung prof ko. At, seryoso 'yun. Alam kong mali yung rason ko bat di ko tinuloy, pero, atleast, buhay pa ko.
Tapos nung sa Math 53 ko naman. 'Yung naconfine kasi ako ng buong week, nadrop tuloy ako. Alam mo 'yung sobrang effort ka na, tapos, dahil lang nagkasakit ka, wala na. Iniisip ko nun, sana namatay nalang ako ng tuluyan para hindi ko na kailangang masabihang mag-drop. 'Di ko tinuloy kasi, kami na ni Marcgell nun eh. Tapos, ito pa yung mga time na sobrang feel kong mambababae sya, kaya ayoko syang iwan.
Marami pang iba, actually. 'Yung mga simpleng bagay tulad ng ayokong pumasok, naiisipan kong magpakamatay nalang. That way, di ko na kailangan mag-aral, di ko na kailangang pumasok. Pero, naiisip ko kasi 'yung mga makakakita ng body ko. 'Yung magliligpit ng gamit ko. 'Yung gastos ng magulang ko. 'Yung feelings ng mga nagmamahal sakin, na for sure, magreresurface lang pag patay na talaga ako.
Sa mga nangyayari lately, parang araw-araw ko ng naiisip mamatay nalang. Pero, tignan nyo nga naman, na-type ko pa to.
Labels: #life, #update
|
to my hs schoolmate, friend, kapakapatid, Geo
Di ba naging close tayo? Naaalala ko pa kung pano tayo naging close. Kasi, magkapitbahay tayo ng classrooms. Haha. Tapos sinasabihan mo ko na cute, na crush mo ko. Niloloko naman kita na pwede ka na rin, cute na rin, haha. Pero, sabi mo may crush ka talaga... Tinatanong mo pa ko kung paano ba manligaw. Tinatawanan pa kita nun. Sabi ko, bata ka pa, wag ka magmadali. Pero, go ka pa rin. Kasi nga crush na crush mo sya, sabi mo. Eh di, sige, "kung gusto mo talaga."
Naalala ko pa yung tinext mo ko, Sunday 'yun. Sabi mo nag-date kayo. Tas nahalikan mo sya. Tinawanan na naman kita. Sabi ko masyado kang nagmamadali. Pero, sige lang, kasi masaya ka naman. Kaya masaya na rin ako.
Tapos naging kayo na. At alam kong masaya ka talaga.
Paano nga ba tayo natigil magkatext?
Ah. Nung nagkaproblema ako sa sarili kong relationship ata. Blinock out ko rin lahat. At nung okay na ko, di na kita nabalikan.
Pero, hindi naman tayo nag-away. Di rin naman tayo nagkalayuan ng loob. Okay pa rin tayo. Cool pa rin tayo sa isa't isa kahit di na tayo close tulad ng dati.
Naalala ko rin pala, na napagusapan natin noon kung paano kahirap ang buhay.Di ba? Andaming problema. Andaming kailangan gawin. Andaming kailangan ma-achieve. Andaming ganito, ganyan. Pero, di ba, sabi ko sayo masama mag-give up. Ang hindi ko lang nasabi kung bakit masama 'yun.
At nagsisisi ako na hindi kita nasabihan. Sorry, kasi late ko rin narealize kung bakit mali 'yun. Sana pala, nag-share ako agad sayo nung time na nag-reflect ako. Kaso, hindi na rin kasi tayo ganun kaclose. Sorry na hindi natuloy yung closeness natin. Sorry na hindi kita natulungan, na hindi kita nakausap, na hindi ko alam na may pinagdadaanan ka pala.
Gusto kitang pagalitan ngayon. Pero, I also feel so sorry for you. I'm sorry that you felt that it was the only way out for you.
Alam mo, masama yun. Masama mag-give up. Lahat tayo nawalan na ng minamahal sa buhay. Diba, yun ngang grandparents na alam na dapat natin na law of nature, everybody will die someday. Pero, pag may nawala, kahit by old age, ang hirap pa rin tanggapin. Paano pa kaya yung ikaw mismo nagdecide na ayaw mo na? Sobrang hirap para samin. Lahat kami apektado. Lahat kami may pagkukulang sayo. Ang bigat ng loob naming lahat. Andami naming para sayo, andami naming nagmamahal sayo, pero, wala kaming nagawa. Hindi mo man lang kami nakausap, nasabihan na may problema, na nahihirapan ka na.
Sana nanood ka nalang ng anime. Sana naglasing ka nalang. Sana nag-drugs ka nalang. Siguro madali lang makalimutan 'yun. Pero, yung ganto? Yung hindi ka na namin makikita til we reach our own time? Sobrang hirap talaga.
Sadyang totoo nga na yung mga tayong sobrang sayang kasama dahil sobrang masayahin sila ay ang mga taong maraming tinatagong hirap sa buhay.
Geo, I know na there should have been a better world for you. I'm sorry you are no longer here to be in it.
Labels: #drama, #life, %taglish, `friends, `life, sad
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Hi, everyone. It's been three million years since the last post, so, I figured I really need to write something, anything. Sorry about that.
So, first of all, HAPPY 2013! Today is the start of my 25th month with Marcgell. We are defly keeping it tight. Because love.
Speaking of love, I want to talk about my parents. Every morning, when I have a lot of time before doing the things I have to do (like eat breakfast, bathe, go to class...), I think of how lucky I am with my parents. I honestly pray to God and thank him for giving me the parents that I have. If there really is a God, he'll have a list of why I love my parents.
I believe my parents love each other so much. If they ever fight, they don't show us. They have little misunderstandings sometimes, I admit, but never serious. My Dad still kisses my Mom. My Mom still cooks what my Dad wants. They do lambing even if it's gross sometimes, lol. Kidding.
My Dad used to go home every weekend, said he misses us. It's been six or seven years since then, I think. Now he goes home every other weekend, just because my Mom was able to convince to not travel Manila-Vigan-Manila every weekend. My Dad's efforts to be with the family is remarkable. He travels 8-10 hours, one way, just to be with us. My Dad is Superman.
My parents provide for us. We might not have Mac laptops (not like we want them, anyway), or iPad, or iPhones, but, they provide for us. We have our laptops, our mobile phones, our lunch money... They pay for our tuition. They ask us how we are, tell us to do good, remind us that they love us. They give us what we need to survive, to be sane, to be normal kids that we are; and sometimes more just to show off.
I'm not sure if my parents are strict. I think they're quite fun. They let us have our fun. Also, I feel that they trust us. They are just awesome people.
I wish to have a happy family like the one my parents built for us. My parents have the ideal relationship and the best sons and daughters. :) Labels: #update, `life, fireworks
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tagboard soon
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The cat loves to purr, and meow, and hiss. She's a very noisy cat, obviously. Kitty loves to sleep, next to her love for food. Food she loves include pizza, pasta, crepes, pancakes, cakes, milktea,burgers, etc. She loves being worshipped. Bow down to me!!! She loves cuddles, unless we're not close, eew don't touch me freak.
This kitty is in-love with a non-reacting bunny. He's always acting cool, and fails at it. He is crazy and loves computers.
This is still pretty much under construction; hence the emptiness.
Adopted Trees.
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