Suicidal Foot v.3.4

update

2012-02-14T01:42:00.001+08:00

I'vetried tens of times to update, but, I can't seem to write something that's notdepressing.

So,I'll post anyway.

Ihaven't been sure about myself for the longest time now. I'm always askingmyself, what do you want to do tomorrow? Butthen something in the back of my mind asks back, well, what are you capable of?

I'vesaid this before, I know, but, I'm really scared. I don't know what I want todo. I don't know if I can do what I want to do. I'm just a pile ofdisappointments atm.

Sobranghiyang-hiya ako sa tatay ko. Sobrang disappointed ako sa sarili ko. Gusto konglumaban, pero, every single fucking time I try to do something good, I fail andjust disappoint myself. Everytime I back down, somehow, atleast, I chose tofail, walang disappointment. Ewan ko na talaga.

=___=;;

WENDI LAUREEN AZURIN, I LOVE YOU TOO

2012-02-13T01:32:00.002+08:00

it's us or we die

2012-01-01T02:23:00.000+08:00

MARCGELL ADRIAN, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH~! :)
Love is never easy. Love is not that hard, either. Love, being with you, has been fun.

You have made my life colorful. It has only been a year, but, I feel like we've been together for a longer time. Our first year together has been busy. I realized that love shouldn't be measured with time, but with memories. Love should be measured by the limits we've pushed further. Love should be measured with the jokes told, both those forgotten and remembered. Love should be measured with the exams we had to finish to see each other. Love should be measured with the meetings and appointments we had to miss just to be together. Love should be measured with the slices of Pizza and the number of movie tickets. Love should be measured with the new faces we had to befriend to be accepted as a couple. Love should be measured by the number of times I fixed my nails for you. Love should be measured by the hugs and kisses. Love should be measured with the bite marks I have given you. Love should be measure by the number of times I told you to shave, or to cut your nails. If love was measured in those ways, we've had so much in one lifetime. Still, I want more of us. Memories. We've made some, and we'll make more. :)

One year down, forever to go.

I have loved you for a year. I love you now. I'll love you for the next year. I'll love you for the rest of the decade. I'll love you for the rest of the century. I'll love you for the rest of the millennium. I'll love you for the rest of forever.My Marcgell Adrian, thank you for being mine. Thank you for making me the happiest. ;)

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 2012~! :D

2011-12-25T00:00:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS~! :D

FUCK DISTANCE

2011-12-14T01:39:00.000+08:00

Kanina, nag-celebrate kami. Debut ni Marian. Ano, ang hyper ko lang. Gawa na rin siguro na tapos na 'yung Bio Lec and Lab exams. Eh, 'yun. Di, ang hyper ko. Tuwang-tuwa ako kay Mai. Ang ganda nya lang. Kahit na biglaan, at rush-rush lang mga nagawa namin for her, it seems na napasaya naman namin sya.

Naiinggit lang ako. Hindi dahil may surprise thing for her. Mas maayos pa nga 'yung akin nun, eh. Naiinggit ako, kasi, andun si Kuya whoever-that-is. Seems like, 'yun 'yung guy that likes Marian a lot. The whole time, andun s'ya, tahimik lang, pero, point is: andun s'ya. Tapos, syempre, naisayaw n'ya si Marian. Nung magkasama na actually sila, di na s'ya umalis sa tabi niya. Andun lang s'ya. Di sila nag-uusap, pero, point is: magkasama sila.

After nun, magkasama kaming lumabas ni Choi from NIGS. Well, well, well... Andun naman si Froi, sinusundo si Choi. (HAHAHA, funny lang, nagr-rhyme 'yung names nila.) Eh di, sawsaw na naman ako. Mga tatlo o apat na beses ng nangyari 'to. Sinusundo or hinahatid ni Froi si Choi, tas kasama rin ako. Kapag magkakasama kami, ako lang lagi 'yung maingay. Madaldal ako. Nagkukwento lang ako ng kung anu-ano. Di sila nakakapag-usap dahil sakin. Kasi, syempre, nagkukwento ako. Sumasagot naman sila, nakikitawa naman sila. Sabi nga ni Choi, "ako kasi ang boss." Pero, kahit ganun, magka-holding hands naman sila.

Sa tambayan naman, lagi kong nakikita sina Irah at ML. Ang sweet lang din nila... minsan. Minsan, nagkukulitan sila, nag-aaway. PERO, kahit na. Magkasama pa rin sila. Nakikita ko sina Gel at Albei, 'yung isa sakanila napapagod kakahintay / kakahanap sa isa. PERO, in the end, may dumarating, may nahahanap, nagkakasama sila.

Naiinggit ako. Naiinggit ako na may sumusundo sakanila, naghahatid. Naiinggit ako na may kasama silang kumain. Naiinggit ako na may naghahawak ng kamay nila pag naglalakad. Naiinggit ako na may naghihintay sakanila after class. Naiinggit ako na every single day, may chance silang magkita at magkasama. Naiinggit ako na, kahit wala masyadong nangyayari sa buong araw, nagkasama naman sila. Naiinggit ako na, sila, may daily routines together. Naiinggit ako. Naiinggit talaga ako na magkakasama sila.

FUCK DISTANCE.

Pero, anong magagawa ko? Andito na 'ko, eh. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP. Ilalaban ko 'to. Kahit walang sumusundo at naghahatid sakin, kahit walang nagdadala ng pagkain sa dorm, kahit walang nag-aantay sakin after class, kahit wala akong ka-holding hands sa SC, kahit wala akong mahawakan at ma-hug na boyfriend ko every school day... Alam ko naman sa sarili ko, pinili ko pa ring maging boyfriend si Marcgell kasi mahal ko talaga s'ya. Hindi dahil nasanay akong kasama sya. Hindi dahil kaya niya akong sunduin at ihatid. Hindi dahil malapit siya, hindi dahil convenient.
Boyfriend ko siya, kasi, mahal ko siya.

Mahirap, kasi sobrang namimiss ko siya. Tapos ang hirap pa, kasi, hindi naman pwedeng every weekend andito siya, or andun ako. May org siya, may soro ako, may exams pag weekend, may exams pag monday... Mahirap mag-hanap ng time para magkasama kami. Pero, naipipilit pa rin naman namin. It makes it more special, too. It's because we don't always see each other that we value our little time together. There's no time for anything else but love.

Paano ka ba magiging akin?

2011-12-13T12:32:00.001+08:00

By Ninalyn Uy

Isa lang naman angpamantayan ko sa paghahanap ng karelasyon: ikaw.
Pero siyempre bolalang 'yun. Gusto ko lang kunin ang atensyon mo, dahil hindi ko alam kungmagkikita pa tayo ngayong semestre. Nababaliw na nga ako sa kaiisip kung anoang kahahantungan ng "love story" natin.

Malas mo dahilmahilig akong magbasa ng Tagalog pocket books at manood ng mga Asianovela. Mulasa mga tauhang sinubaybayan ko, alam kong kapag nakuha ng isang babaeng hindinagsusuklay at hindi naliligo pero kaiba at mukhang madiskarte ang atensyon ngisang lalaki, posibleng maging sila.

Kung bakit mo bakasi pinipitik ang mga daliri mo sa harap ng mukha ko sa tuwing nagkakasalubongtayo. Lagi mo pa akong kinakalabit, at kahit na sitahin pa kita ngpinakamalulutong na mura, ngumingiti ka lang at tahimik na tumatawa. Taposbigla kang magsisimula ng mga usapang may kinalaman sa akin - kung saan akonag-hayskul, ano ang binabasa kong libro, kung masaya ba ako.

Buwisit na buwisitako sa klase natin last sem, pero isa ka sa mga dahilan kung bakit hindi akonag-drop. Kahit na narinig kitang tumatawa mag-isa tuwing napapahiya ako sarecitation, at kahit panay ang turo mo sa aking tuwing nagtatawag si Prof ngvolunteer, okay lang sa'kin.

Kasalanan mo kungbakit bigla kong pinag-isipan nang mabuti kung ano ang ilalagay kong profilepicture sa Facebook. Kasalanan mo kung bakit napadalaw ako sa ukay-ukay nang mag-isa para lang, oo, mag-shopping.Nabasa ko kasi ang payong ito sa Internet: Ifsomeone is flirting with you, please cooperate. Oo, walang biro. Patimga payo sa internet, pinatulan ko na.

Hinahanap rin kitasa Internet, akala mo. Nagbasa ako ng mga blog entry kung saan binabanggit angpangalan mo. Inalam ko kung sinu-sino ang common friends natin na posiblengmagpalalim sa kung ano mang meron tayo. Pinagtanong kita sa mga kaibigan mo atlahat sila, nagkakasundong mabait ka nga.

Urong-sulong ka rinkasi. Hindi ka masyadong assertive sa pakay mo sa'kin, kung mayroon man. Sadami ng mga pagkakataong nag-usap tayo, hindi mo hiningi ang number ko kahitkailan. Hindi naman ako madamot sa "oo." Hinihintay ko lang na gumawaka ng first move. Nang tinawag mo ako noong huling araw ng klase natin parasabay tayong maglakad, nag-usap lang tayo't naghiwalay na parang talent ni KimChiu sa pag-arte: wala lang.

Siguro nga walanaman talaga ako sa'yo bukod sa isang kaklase. O marahil naghahanap ka lang ngAte. Siguro kapag nagkita ulit tayo, tatango ka lang at bahagyang ngingiti perohindi ka lalapit para makipag-usap. Kaiba ka rin kasi. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakitpero sa'yo lang talaga ako natutuyuan ng laway at napangungunahan ng duda atkaba. Siguro kasi sa lahat ng nagustuhan konglalaki, ikaw lang ang hindi celebrity.

Sakaling makilala moang sarili mo sa akdang ito, alam mo naman kung saan ako maaaring puntahan okausapin. At huwag kang mag-alala - hindi pa rin ako madamot sa "oo."Aanhin ko naman 'yun.

Originally published:

Kule / PhilippineCollegian

Martes 15 Nobyembre2011

Theta Epsilon @ 38

2011-12-11T02:52:00.001+08:00

I am Lor, batch head of 11D, now Lady Herald of Theta Epsilon Sorority. I may be a part of the baby batch, but I am an active member. As much as possible, I finish everything I have to do to be able to help with Sorority work.

Theta Epsilon, even from the very start, seems so perfect for me. It's really hard to explain things that should be kept low profile. So, as of now, just take my word for it. This sisterhood is perfect for me. :)

Helping other people is never easy. We have to plan it, put it to paper, look for money / sponsors, put it to paper, and finally execute the plan. We are but students, too. We are busy with acads, family matters, friends. Still, we make everything work. We were able to have the blood letting activity and the outreach program.

Being in a sorority has its advantages. First of, it gets in your resume. Second, you get to experience the wealth of the alumni. No kidding. And, well, of course, the undeniable good memories made with the brods and sisses. :) Memories of working together, simple chit-chats, and going through drama together.

Sis Inah, my high school senior, thank you for inviting me into this exclusive circle. Congratulations for being the Lady Keeper of the Whip.

Mommy Cams, then LKW, thank you for convincing me to join. Thank you for telling me to never give up. Thank you for telling me to always follow my heart. :) I love you still.

Bossang Cherry, kahit ilang ulit n'yo akong sinindak para lang maibigay 'yung gusto mong iparating - show your worth - Thank you. My loyalty is forever yours.

Lia, my batchmate, now Lady Keeper of the Scroll, my partner in crime (forever and ever), I love you. :) Sums it all.

My other batchmates, Mai, Van, Amery, Chel, and Ienne, sisses, let's all give back to the sorority. :) Let's work together. Let's make more lives easier, let's spread more laughter. :) I love you~!

HAPPY 38th YEARS, UP THETA EPSILON SORORITY!
Truth and Enlightenment through service to all.

P.S.

Thank you, aTheng Connie, founder, for the jacket~! :)

caricature by Maj Rosario (color via PS, me)

TLDR

2011-12-08T03:13:00.001+08:00

Madalas akong tanungin ni Marcgell, "'di ka ba naniniwala?"

'Di raw ba ako naniniwala na mahal nya ako? Or, na ako lang? Or this, or that? Hindi ko diretsong masagot ang tanong na ito. Iba kasi kapag trust at faith 'yung issue.

Una sa lahat, hindi naman talaga ako 'yung tipo ng tao na mahilig mag-trust sa iba. In all honesty, kay Marcgell lang 'ata ako naging honest ng tuloy-tuloy... 'Yun nung hindi pa kami. Totoo, may times na nag-lie ako kina Mea, Irah, Ivana, Reyna, Toffer, Paula, Nica, Vil, Pajas, Arden, Andrew... Pero kay Marcgell, wala akong maisip na time na I lied. I might have, siguro about something stupid and irrelevant with life. It's ironic, actually, knowing that he's a blabbermouth.

And, well, nung nagawa n'ya ngang isabay ako sa ibang babae n'ya, nawala lahat ng trust ko sakanya. 'Yung tipong, "there's a lie in there, somewhere," every single time he tells me something. He exaggerates things, over-reacts, and well, he's selfish, too. Lying to him is like breathing. I should just nod and say okay. That's how my mind worked during those times.

IDK how I got past that stage. Maybe, just maybe, it's love. LOL. Ang cheesy, shit! Shoot me now! :)))

It's faith. Faith in this relationship. I want to believe that this is it. Anong sense ng relationship kapag iisipin mong, "maghihiwalay rin lang kami."? Di ba? (At, 'yun nga, may natutunan naman pala ako kay Vil. Yey~!) I want to believe that, even if we failed to start this right, we'll have to end this right: together at the altar.

It's faith. Faith in him. I want to believe him when he tells me he loves me. I want to believe that we really will make everything okay. I want to believe that all this shit, every little drama, is just me over-reacting. I want to hear every "I love you" and chills will run down my spine. I want to read every "I love you" and a brand new smile will find my face. I want to feel every hug and every kiss, and know that he really loves me.

I don't like you lying to me. I don't want you to pretend. So, please, tell me everything. I know, it takes time, but I'll trust you completely again someday. For someone who rushed into a relationship, who am I to demand time, right? WRONG. I get what I want, and that's time. Time for you to spoil me more... SELFISH? Haha. :))

Also... Maybe I have my guards up too high for a girl who's demands keep coming in... But, you know, all the hassle is worth it, right?

UPDATE

2011-12-04T02:21:00.001+08:00

Andami kong gustong i-blog.

This weekend, as in Saturday and Sunday, lang siguro ang matinong rest day, ulet, for a very long time.
BUT, I'm not complaining for the lack of time to do nothing. I love having something to do. Since, ayoko ng dull moments with just myself.

Anyway, like I said, andami kong gustong i-post. I want to talk about Mommy Cams, Ninang Kim, Rock Infinitum 3, Marcgell, Christmas, my Lola Lily, Marcgell, my batchmates, and some other stuff... like acads. 'Cause I have that, too. :|

Anyway, I really missed Mommy Cams. It's been two months, and, well... Ayokong masanay na wala sya. I'm so glad na nag-attend sya ng Rock Infinitum 3. Tho, hindi kami nakapag-kwentuhan, ang saya ko pa rin na nakita ko sya, busy, hyper. Buti na rin at dumating sya, since may nag-entertain ng alumni. (Totally forgot about that. :O Oops.)

Saludo ako kay Ninang Kim. Hindi ko sya piniling maging ninang, at wala lang talaga akong choice noon, na, parang binigay talaga sya ni God para maging ninang ko. x) Hala. OA na. Anyway, maganda grades n'ya, may social life siya, at ang sexy nya talaga. x___x Someday, I'll be like her. HAHAHAHA.

Hindi ko na naman pinag-iisipan mga sinasabi ko dito...

Jejemon.

G? :)

2011-12-02T11:42:00.001+08:00

RI3

2011-11-23T15:28:00.001+08:00

Rock Infinitum (RI) is a battle of the bands which aims to showcase the versatility of the participating bands. Each band shall play three songs in rock version: one cover song, one original composition, and one cover song on the theme of RI.

Bands will compete for the Php6,000 grand prize and a trophy. The second placer will receive a Php3,000 prize and a trophy. Consolation and raffle prizes will also be given away during the event.

Theme: 90's
Date: DECEMBER 2, 2011 (Friday)
Venue: BLACK KING'S BAR, Westlife Building, West Ave., QC
For band slot reservations, please go to this link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/YCJYHMB

Tickets at Php200 entitled to free flowing drinks and a chance to win on raffles.
https://www.facebook.com/events/281753325222597/

>>>for the benefit of Bihawo Elementary School in Botolan, Zambales<<<

For inquiries or ticket reservation, contact:
0927 531 7317
0917 585 4211

Brought to you by UP Kappa Epsilon Fraternity and UP Theta Epsilon Sorority.

Nostalgia

2011-11-18T01:59:00.001+08:00

They say we miss the past because we're not quite happy of the present, or we don't see a promising future.

I have been going back to the past lately. And by lately, I mean every time I get the chance since midterms last sem. I'm trying to look for the exact time that I lose track of what I really want in life.

Right now, I'm going with the flow. Acads' fine, social life's fine... But, then what?

I know there was a time I was so sure of what I want in life. I had it all figured out, mapped, planned. All I had to do is tick off every goal I finish. But, I'm not getting anywhere. My heart is not happy with what I'm doing. I don't feel that this is what I want to do.

I don't want to be a Physicist anymore. I like Physics. I love the thrill, the chase, the challenge. But. I'm too scared, I'm fragile. I can only be rejected once. I just... can't... anymore.

Actually, I'm too scared for anything and everything right now. I don't have the confidence to be an Engineer, either. I don't know what I want to be. I don't think I want to be this way: Studying Sciences and Maths, and shit. Why? Why this? Did I srsly wanted this to be my life? I want to go back in time and slap myself. Why?

My heart does not belong here. But, what can I do? I can't back down now, can I? I'll just mindlessly go with this shit of a "future" I planned. I was so naive, believing I'd get to love the things the world wanted me to love.

2nd Sem

2011-11-14T20:44:00.001+08:00

I am finally, officially, enrolled for the 2nd sem of 2011-2012.

And, I have to say, this, by far, is the hardest enrollment. I could have died if I went to battle alone. So, thank you so much to Serville James, for helping me with the shifting shit (tho, I got rejected) and for helping me look and get subject(s); to Clarisse Mari, for the moral support, and company, and food; to LA, for the harsh but true life stories that kept me motivated; to my ex-roommate, Chan, for always cheering for me from the side-line; and, to my Marcgell Adrian, who, even if miles away, kept me going. I love you, all~!

Ang drama, no? :)

:D Haha. Bitter.

2011-11-11T12:38:00.001+08:00

Why do you always find your way into my blog?

Dahil ba, gustong-gusto kita noon, feeling mo, gustong-gusto pa rin kita ngayon? Dahil ba, lagi-lagi kitang pinapanuod noon (actually, pati ngayon), feeling mo, gustong-gusto pa rin kita?

Iniwan mo na nga ako para dun sa pangit mong girlfriend, diba? Oh, wait. Ex-girlfriend pala.

Tapos, ngayon, feeling mo, may babalikan ka pa?

Hindi na kita pupuntahan. Kahit sunduin mo pa ko, hindi na kita pupuntahan. Kahit naka-limousine ka pa, kahit naka-white horse ka pa, hinding-hindi ako sasama sayo. Kahit dalhin mo pa mga banda mo from wherever, kahit dalhin mo pa buong Pep Squad (pa-obvious naman), hinding-hindi mo na mababago isip ko. Kahit gawan mo pa ko ng kanta, kahit gawan pa nila ako ng 15-minute routine, hinding-hindi na talaga magbabago isip ko. Kahit. Hindi pa rin.

Wala na akong pake sa gwapo mong mukha, sa maganda mong katawan, lalo na sa abs mo. Abs lang yan. Tatanda ka rin at magkakaka-beer belly! Wala na akong pake kung marunong ka ng JiuJitsu, Taekwondo, Judo, Aikido, Arnis... Wala na akong pake sa dami ng fans mo.

ETCHOS.

Wala na namang magawa. Wala kasing ma-post na hindi masyadong controversial. HAHAHAHA.

Point is, no means no, unless stated otherwise. Whuuut? :)))

Twitter Themes

2011-11-06T03:59:00.000+08:00

Because I got bored, I made Twitter Themes. Tho, of course, I can't all use 'em at once. Sharing~! :D

BG: #8cc7f0
Text: #383838
Links: #e56ba5
Sidebar: #ffffff
Sidebar Border: #8cc7f0

BG: #ffffd0
Text: #684818
Links: #ff9966
Sidebar: #ffc961
Sidebar Border: #ff4040

BG: #dbdbdb
Text: #383838
Links: #de13db
Sidebar: #ffffff
Sidebar Border: #12c4b5

BG: #ffffff
Text: #383838
Links: #c724ea
Sidebar: #383838
Sidebar Border: #01b7e6

Another Marcgell Post

2011-11-05T21:47:00.001+08:00

I love you!

ATM

2011-11-05T07:01:00.001+08:00

At the moment I'm... weird.

Mood swings at max.
Missing high school life.
Stalking at max level. I opened an account by accident! >__> and I invaded that person's privacy. Didn't see anything weird tho. Boring stuff.
Worried.
Paranoid.
Doubting self.
Thinking of the "could have been's" and the "what if's".
Haven't had any sleep yet. :|

2011-11-04T01:43:00.000+08:00

There are things I can't seem to learn: Patience and Trust.

People mistake my lack of creativity of giving up and letting go as patience. There have been a lot of times that I just want to say "it's enough", but I can't think of a way to express it. Hindi ko maisip kung paano ko sasabihing, ayoko na. Then there are times that I make up my mind, I'm sure I want to end something, other things come up and won't let me to. 'Yun bang tipong, hindi ka pala pwedeng mag-give up. Kasi 'yun ang sabi ng society, or ng religion, or ng parents mo, or ng friends mo... And so I pretend to enjoy whatever's there. Then it becomes a "part" of normal life. I just ignore it.

Trust. I don't trust people completely. There's always a part on me that says, "baka gaguhin ka rin n'yan." Still, I'm the type of person that gives everything 'til I'm sure it's wrong to do so.
I started doubting when I told the truth and was accused of lying. It might have happened several times, but, one too many cases. It escalated when I lied and got away with it. Why is everybody trying to complicate everything?

The rain makes me think too much.

Sweet Escape~

2011-10-27T04:00:00.000+08:00

Top: Dawal Beach Resort as seen from the shore.
Below: From inside the resort, watching the sun set. (LOL)

I was lucky enough to be able to bring Marcgell along. Super Powers~!

Sunset over Zambales.

Marcgell: Picture'an kita! Ganto itsura mo oh!

BIHAWO OUTREACH

2011-10-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

The kids are always working hard, and waiting for KE and ThE to come. :)

Just me playing bahay-baboy-bagyo with the Grade 3 pupils.

Smile. Everyone wants to be happy. :)

Talking to Chan

2011-10-17T08:28:00.001+08:00

[to be updated later, remind me.]

"Kinain ko lahat ng sinabi ko." She said she could always find a brighter side to things. She's from a broken family, they've been robbed, and she had gone through so much drama that she believed nothing can be worse than that. But then, "kinain ko lahat ng sinabi," she said. There are far worse things than what she had gone through. Sabi pa nya, "ano na iisipin ko ngayon? Walang-wala na akong maisip na maganda sa mga bagay-bagay."

Writer's Block

2011-10-15T00:08:00.000+08:00

You only have 24 hours left in you life, how would you spend your last hours?

I can't wake up one day and find a note on my night stand saying: "You have 24 hours left. Enjoy!" I have lots of plans for my life. I have places I want to go to, people I want to meet. One day is not enough for me to satisfy my thirst for adventure and power.

But if I do wake up and find a note on my night stand saying I have 24 hours left to live this life, I'd make sure I have enough Taurine and Caffeine. It's show time.

I'd spend my first hour telling everyone that it's my last day on Earth. This comes with, "give me money or I'll die poor" line. I'd slap in the face those I hate, and I'll just smile at those I love. No time for chit chat. DO NOT TALK TO ME. Talk to me when I'm dead and I have the time to listen.

Since there's not enough time to travel around the world, and I'm sure there's not enough cash, either… I'll just go to places near and convenient. ~~I want to be alone.~~

No, wait… SCRATCH THAT.

I'll look for SEUNG RI, OR TOMA, OR KEITO, and rape them. There goes my last 23 hours on Earth.

"Why would it matter, I'm gonna die anyway."

[scheduled post]

Time Machine

2011-10-12T18:54:00.001+08:00

The question I got is from Niki: If you were to repeat a specific part in your life, what would it be?

Every time I have exams, I ask myself: Why am I here? Why did I enter this university? I could have stayed in the province, study in the local university and be one of the smartest, and I'd be doing what I want to do, what other people should be doing right now…

But, I'm not saying I don't want to be here in UP. After exams, "yes, I did it." But, just before I enter a classroom, I always want to go back to time I was sure of what I really want.

If I could go back to a specific part of my life, that would be when I choose to enter UP. I want to go back to when I chose to be in these classrooms, with different people from different places. I want to go back to when I looked forward to being here with you guys, suffering together.

I want to go back to when I didn't have all of these (yet). Sometimes, it's nice to go back to the time where everything is just a dream.

We had less than two minutes to prepare, so I was a little, uhm, unorganized. We had another two minutes to deliver, so I kinda messed up a bit.

2011-10-09T00:39:00.002+08:00

“People tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend like fine weather if you’re fortunate. But happiness is the result of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly.”

- Elizabeth Gilbert

Manicar is Love

2011-10-04T02:52:00.000+08:00

I had a shittyTuesday. I woke up 30 minutes before my practical exam schedule on Physics71.1. Good thing my lab instructor is lazier than I am. She was late, too… asalways.

ANYWAY, so, PhysicsLab Practicals kinda, uhm, gave me mixed emotions. The night before, I busiedmyself with requirements, so, I wasn't able to study. YET, I was, atleast, able toanswer, uhm, about 50% sure, everything... Except the parts where the bell got me.Darn bell.

I had to skippassing my worksheet, the worksheet I worked all night, because I didn't havethe print-out of the graphs. The graphs that I so fucking worked hard for. Mygroupmates were able to pass theirs, using my graphs, and me… Well, I had classand wasn't able to get my copy. =__=; Fuck being late.

I am totally broke.I just. :| Poker face . Neeeext~

Art Stud. The reportwe so fucking worked hard for. We did our research and shit. And, well, westill failed so badly. Our supposedly 30 minutes allotted time became 50minutes of arguments and debate. Is argument = debate? I don't know. Anyway,well, we were hammered and smashed, and killed… Wait, what's that wordagain? PWNED.

And, after class,it's raining. COME ON. I walked around AS feeling stupid. I was thinking of howfew a knew in this campus. I texted Manicar, I don't know why, I just felt it.She replied asking where I was, but I wasn't able to read it since I was alreadywalking back to the dorm. Guess what, I meet her and her friend.

I am here to saythat my roommate, Manicar Manguera is definitely one of the kindest person,with such a pure heart.

If I was in hershoes, I would first ask my friend if it's okay to accompany me. But, Manicar,she said, "tara, samahan muna natin sya." Agad-agad.

I just love her. That act was no way simple. She may bully me all the time, and doubt everything about me... yet, she treated me like a human being.

Am I exaggerating? I just love her.

2011-09-28T03:38:00.002+08:00

I have so much in my mind RN.

Parang gusto ko ng isipin that life is not fair at all... At, oo, nagdadrama na naman ako. Wala na naman ako sa aking katinuhan. Kasi, malamang, hindi ako magbblog kung matino ako. :|

ARGH. I just hate hate hate those people right now. :((

When a tree falls down and no one's there to hear it, it still did make a sound. Law of conservation of energy. Sinabi ko na to dati, diba? Bat ba ang kukulit nyo? Kung nangyari, kahit hindi mo ipagsabi. Nangyari yun.

Wala na bang natirang may konsensya?

I don't know what to think anymore... I'm doubting every f-ing thing and everyone.

Nothing Important

2011-09-22T13:52:00.000+08:00

After tweeting that Cluelesshands have a couple of hundred more views than SuicidalFoot, this blogs views actually sky-rocketed. HAHA. I've had 507 views since then. :) Who the hell visits my blog? Aside from me and my stalker boyfriend, that is. Haha..

Anyway, I'm just checking the new interface of Blogger. It's too cool, it's eating me up alive. Hahaha. :))

Well, that is all for now.

KBye.

RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

2011-09-21T01:30:00.000+08:00

It's ME time. And I feel like talking about myself. So, here's a month's worth of random facts I've listed.

1. I love Ketchup.

2. I love talking about myself.
3. I easily get distracted.
4. I'm not always hungry. I just love to eat.
5. I say "ittadakimasu~" before digging in.
6. I love stars and star-shaped things.
7. I love butterfly-shaped things.
8. I like the colors violet and green, but I preffer my things red or yellow.
9. I once dreamed of becoming a detective.
10. I've had ten blogs since 2003. Four of which still lives.
11. I love Kpop.
12. My favorite Japanese TV series is Hana Kimi (That's Hanazakari no Kimitachi e).
13. I like reading thriller novels.
14. I like romance-comedy on manga and anime.
15. I had a very loooong Kira-sama phase.
16. I have reasons for believing compatibility shit based on horoscope and blood types.
17. I consider being a model an alternative path of life.
18. I used to read Witch.
19. Bob Ong is the first and only Filipino author I like.
20. I love Kikomachine by Manix Abrera.
21. I had a crush on Sam Concepcion ever since he was in Little Big Star.
22. I wanted to write to Disney Buzz. (But, in the end, Lei did and her letter was read on air. Err…)
23. I want to try sky diving. But,
24. I'm scared of heights.
25. I'm scared of spiders.
26. I love bright colors.

27. I feel at peace most when writing.
28. I have a wild imagination.
29. I have hallucinations at times.
30. I like remembering my dreams. It's like stalking my unconscious mind.
31. I find Ryan Higa (nigahiga) and Kevin Wu (kevjumba) funny.
32. I stare at my reflection a lot.
33. Sometimes, I pretend that I'm a celebrity. Hoho~
34. I invented the fandom name, Cherry, for Hey!Say!JUMP.
35. I want to be like Lee Hyori.
36. I've been a Dara fan since her SCQ days.
37. I had a crush on TJ from Recess.
38. I have a crush on Jeremy of Phineas and Ferb.
39. I had a crush on Tom Felton.
40. I want to be in Slytherin.
41. The Switch is my first Sandra Brown novel.
42. I like reading children's books.
43. Mickey is my laptop, and Minnie is my mouse.
44. I've always wanted to be a Civil Engineer.
45. I love Physics and Math.
46. I talk to myself a lot.
47. I have a crush on Freddy of School of Rock.
48. Among the Ouran High School Host Club members, Mori is my favorite.
49. For someone from the internet, I'm always concerned about cyber stalking.
50. I am in-love with Ikuta Toma.
51. I wanted to send an audition tape for the "female U-KISS", but then,
52. My singing voice is horrible, and
53. I am the clumsiest dancer.
54. I hold on to things, when all I've got are memories.
55. I do my best not to lie.
56. I am tactless(?).
57. I'm always confused with my life.
58. I contradict myself sometimes, because
59. I want to reason out everything.
60. I believe life is fair.

Into It: U-KISS and Neverland

2011-09-10T08:09:00.004+08:00

A/N: In-case I bash either U-KISS or their title tack Neverland, do remember that U-KISS is my number three of three original fandoms. I love U-KISS and Shin DongHo. ♥

I've recently watched Peter Pan (the live action movie, and I must say Peter is so gwapo), Peter Pan: Return to Neverland, and TinkerBell. My idea of Neverland is pirates, treasures, Indians, mermaids, lost boys, fairies, faith, trust, and pixie dust.

U-KISS' title track Neverland talks about a fantasy oh so modern. I was shocked. The childhood memories I rebuilt these past few days shattered to pieces. It's about "money, love, fashion, fame". I guess these are the new pirate ships, fairies, mermaids… :( The MV is so dark, macho, scary… yet, sexy. I have to say, girls would seriously go [insert ~~naughty~~ adjective here] over this MV. I know I did.

My issues about childhood aside, everything seems okay. This kind of music on U-KISS is new to me, but, they pulled it off. Their outfit, uhm, I'll let it pass. Dongho's bowl cut, is out of place tho. OH! AND THE CHOREOGRAPHY IS SO FUCKING MANLY. I love it.

Now, on U-KISS as a group.

I never liked Kiseop that much, but, I'm so proud of him. He finally, finally, got his lines. Lots of them, actually. His dancing is still great, too. He's become such a lovely man ~~with such a lovely body~~. Good job!

Soohyun's singing. Fuckyeah. That's it.

I just typed Alexander's name, and, well… sad face.

Dongho's rapping disturbs me. Why did he become a rapper? Not that there are too many rappers, with Eli and AJ in action. It's just, IDK, peculiar. He wasn't supposed to be a rapper. But then again, not because you weren't supposed to, doesn't mean you can't.

OVERALL: Neverland is right above the city sky, where the DJ puts the music on. We all have to party on. Da-da-dance a little more. Never stop moving to the never ending, blaring music. This is today's youth's fantasy. With sweaty handsome (half naked) Kpop Idols around.

Terminal Cases: Last Man standing

2011-09-09T17:06:00.002+08:00

By Delfin Mercado

It is morning once again. The night has come and gone in a whirlwind f blurred colors and hushed voices. The stale half of a jelly-filled donut lies on top of a bundle of envelopes and paper. Crushed coffee cups, cigarette butts and empty fastfood cartons litter the floor.

On every available bench and chair, someone is trying to catch a few minutes of sleep. The effect of that last cup of coffee I drank a few hours ago is already wearing off. My eyelids are drooping and I'm tempted to doze off for a while but I know that I shouldn't. It's "crunch time: in the Collegian office, and everyone is tapping on their laptops like crazy. The sound of the typing mingles with the monotonous buzzing of the airconditioner to seemingly mumble: "hush baby, close your eyes."

Sleep is the greatest flaw of humankind. Half of our lives is wasted on sleep. Imagine how much time that is. Without sleep, we could do twice as much. I wish I could go on working for days on end, without ever batting an eyelash.

The fellow beside me is yawning while squinting at a particularly red draft flashing on his laptop screen. One of the editors is lying on the floor face down, muttering "kill me now, kill me now." Behind me, an irate layout artist is pacing the floor, calming herself while waiting for articles to turn up. Far beyond, in the next room, I could hear someone snoring. A fallen warrior, dead to the world.

Sleep is a temptation. And losers succumb to it easily. Evading sleep is a skill and an art, a combination of proper training and right tricks of the trade. In this fast world where everything is paid by the hour, mastering the art of staying awake is the key to social mobility.
Mankind's civilization will reach its highest point when humans finally eradicate sleep. With people staying awake all the time, more hours may be spent on valuable research or in the creation of the best artworks.

The fellow beside me has also fallen to the trap, head on keyboard. A few moments from now, the few who have remained standing will also fall. I must outlive them. I am efficient. I am the man. I will defeat sleep. It has been three days since the last time I was able to sleep on my own bed. Or sleep at all. I don't sleep - I take naps.

Just a little bit more and I'll outlast them. Poor, unfortunate, inefficient souls.
The morning sun is already showing its might. The letters in my laptop screen are slowly turning in a psychedelic fashion. Hello, Mr. Sandman.

[Published in the Philippine Collegian, September 8, 2011]

update

2011-09-09T15:54:00.004+08:00

Just a preview of my supposedly awesome life:

YEY. NEW EXPERIMENTAL HEADER. :)
~~My right eye has been infected... but now is going~~ back to normal. :)
I've been given the permission to post Delfin Mercado's article, so, wait for it. :)
GAWD, ES1, can't you just love me all over?
I WAAAAAN TINAPAY!!! :( I'm hungry!
I've been watching a lot of movies lately. I should do lots of Into It posts. :) Imma rewatch the awesome movies then. Hoho~!
I've been fangirling with my roommates Roxanne and Regina~! Yey~!
And about my other roommate, Manicar... well... *mischievous smile*

That is all. For this hour. Ciao~!

Dearest Hanna Thea,

2011-09-09T15:43:00.002+08:00

I am guilty: I forgot your birthday. I haven't been myself for so long, and, well, I wasn't able to greet you on your special day. Even though I remembered your birthday later, I didn't have the courage to greet you late… until now, that is. (I wrote this September 3, just didn't have strong enough internet.)

I'd wish something for you, but, I don't know what you don't have. I do know you're already blessed with wisdom, knowledge, beauty, friendship, love... And, well, :) I guess I just wish this new year in your life is as great, if not better, than the previous one.

You're growing up to be a great person. :) I love you~!

"I'll Wait For You"

2011-09-06T20:31:00.001+08:00

It's a common patch-up for broken "romantic" relationships. It's just natural for the one left behind to say they'll wait.

When you say you'll "wait" for someone, it sounds so noble, so loyal. It's one honest feeling you have right after a break-up. But, seriously, think about it. If a person really loves you, they won't let you wait for them. If they care enough about you, they'll atleast tell you not to wait… They'll tell you to live your life. They'll tell you to go out there and have the fun you deserve. They'll tell you to go date others, go running after your dreams. They won't just let you wait. They won't imply for you to wait. They won't even show the slightest comfort on the idea. And on that note, I'm glad I loved someone who never burdened me with the idea of waiting.

When someone says they'll wait for you, don't expect such things. People are not patient by nature. And, honestly now, we dislike waiting*. We hate lines, and taking numbers. We want to be serviced now. We want answers ASAP. We want all the good things RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. But, we never want to handle the bad things ASAP, and that's a different story, I'm going off topic. ANYWAY, back to the topic, we dislike waiting. If you respect the person atleast, don't let them wait. Be a gentleman (or a lady, or a human atleast) and don't make them wait for your sorry ass to be ready for them. Don't stop them from living their life. Don't let them waste their time. Everybody changes. You'll never know if you'll ever be good enough for them. You'll never know if they'll ever find someone better than you. Thus, don't make someone wait for you. And even if they insist, don't expect them to. Anytime you're going on with your life, messing around, thinking it's okay since someone's waiting for you, they might snap out of it and move on. And, besides, if you really want to be good enough for someone, you won't let them "wait". You stay by their side, and bit by bit , be molded into the person the relationship needs. Woo.

But, you know, that's just me. :) My blog, my opinion.

A/N:
*I was planning to say "hate waiting", but then, hate is a strong word.
**Did you notice how many "atleast's" there are in this post? LOL. OVERUSED.

Because I love you

2011-08-28T23:22:00.002+08:00

MARCGELL ADRIAN,
Sorry for the times that I've been maarte. Sorry if naha-hassle ka dahil sakin. Sorry if I'm demanding. Sorry if I ask too much sometimes; sorry for the many times that I am irrational. Sorry for always making you an utusan. Sorry for being impossible. Sorry for bullying you. Sorry for harassing you, and by that I mean, sorry for biting you.

Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for giving me what I ask from you, and more. :) Thank you for the extra effort to make me smile. Thank you for being my personal clown. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for letting me bite you~! You train the inner lion in me. Rawr~! (Okay, no innuendos intended.) Thank you for letting me harass you, for being my human punching bag. Thank you for the hugs and kisses. Thank you for the times you set your pride aside for me. Thank you for the times you'd proudly show the world you have me, that you love me. :))

I really love you. I know how you're conscious about yourself. I want you to be yourself. Change when you're ready to change. Change when you see a good enough reason to change. I'm not pressuring you to be someone ideal. I want you to be who you want to be. And I hope you want to be someone good, atleast. :) And, I love you. I love you for being my stress-reliever. I love you for being my critic. I love you for being my Dad, most of the time. And, I love you for being mine.

Let's keep it that way, shall we? I'll be yours, just be mine. :)

//Bumawi ng buong post dahil hindi ko nabasa agad 'yung iniwan mo sa chatbox ko. :P

[rant] The Bad Groupmates

2011-08-22T19:54:00.004+08:00

I've been one, I know. But, seriously. I can't believe how unlucky I am with groupmates/partners lately.

1. Comm3 - Interview Shiz

I've been contacting my partner 10 days before the deadline. We have a whole week to do the interview. And since classes are cancelled for the field work, I don't really see him. I hate how he wouldn't reply to me. It's not that he didn't have load, or maybe he didn't know who I was.

We're friends and I hope he reads this.

2. Physics Lab

One time, I went back to the dorm to get my worksheet. My groupmates texted me and told me to bring a flashdrive. Since I didn't have one, I borrowed my roommate's. When I got back to NIP, they asked me if I brought my laptop. :|

DUDE, do you f-ing know how far NIP is?

And, it's not really "they". Just her. We're supposed to meet tonight. She scheduled to meet me tonight. NOW, GUESS WHAT. She said she can't make it 'cause she has other appointments.

Now, why, please, tell me, would you tell someone to meet up with you at this certain time if you know you're not even available? :| YOU WASTED MY TIME.

3. ArtStud1

I've been a bad groupmate in ArtStud 1. I was a good partner to ZJ, of course. But, faith tore us apart. :( Now we have groups, and we're not together.

So, we have to have topics for the final presentation or something. And each of us needs to make our own topic and pass all of them. I made the Outline for my groupmates topic already. So, I thought, atleast, she would make mine. BUT NO. She expects me to make my and her outlines.

Okay, fine, it was my idea to make three separate topic outlines anyway, but, how dare she tell me to make mine ASAP when I made hers. >:|

Argh. I really really hate groupworks.

Go Stop

2011-08-22T01:55:00.001+08:00

Smile at the right reasons.

I know when I'm doing something wrong. I know when what I'm doing isn't acceptable to someone who's very important to me. And, usually, I ignore that fact, thinking: "I've already started this, I might as well go on."

Why is it so easy to say "don't do bad things" when in reality, it's easier to be bad?

[A/N: And before people speculates I'm having sex or drugs, or joining cults, PLEASE, it's not that. ]

There shouldn't be wrong decisions. It's up to you to make your decisions the right one. And… I'm doubting myself RN. It seems like I can't see enough LOGICAL reasons to keep this, uhm, thing that bugs me, in my life.

I've started caring about it, invested time and effort, and all those clichés. I've already started this journey, I might as well get it over with. Right?

Or is it right? :/ Aren't I doing this for the wrong reasons? I should keep on going because I want to, not because I don't want to give up.

I'm so confused. :|

Here I Go Again

2011-08-17T03:42:00.005+08:00

SOO... I really, really, really wouldn't post this if not for the sake of argument. And, besides, God wants us to dialogue, so, I shall raise my concern.

LOVE. Yes, AGAIN. I keep on talking about it because everyone's just love-crazy. Either they believe it, or they argue there's no such thing. And I'm helping make it a popular topic by doing another post about it. Maybe I should have a love tag.

I think love is the feeling of satisfaction when you make someone happy. You love someone when you get triumphant by making someone happy... Or, atleast, not making someone miserable. I think love is feeling safe when you're together, and growing even more immersed with each other while apart. I think love is learning - learning when to say yes, when to say no; learning what's right, from what's not right; learning to be an individual.

I think love should be voiced out, be exhibited. I don't mean PDA. PLEASE. DO NOT DO YOUR THING WHERE OTHER PEOPLE CAN SEE YOU. I mean, if you really love someone, you should be able to say it. Maybe not directly to that person, atleast to others (not just one) who are very much alive. Saying something, hearing it from your own voice, is admitting. 'Wag kang mahiyang sabihin sa iba na love mo 'yung person na love mo. And I think that's love. You should admit you love someone. You should tell someone. Actually, tell the world. Love is not a crime. I know my God would want me to be vocal and expressive. I know my God loves me, and I love Him. I know He would want me to share what I feel. I know He would want me to know how others feel about me.

If you can't say you love that person, if you're not brave enough to admit it... then maybe it's not love afterall. Just an idea of love, infatuation, maybe. Or it's almost love, or it is love, but since you're not yet brave enough to say it, it's love at a wrong time. A crush, maybe. Something. But it's not love.

[I should come up with a word with this love-like feeling/idea.]

SOOO... Here's the catch:

Ang kabit, andyan kasi, hindi satisfied 'yung kinakabitan(?) sa real partner nya. SO, they just want their kinakabitan to be happy. Tapos, sabi nila, okay lang na hindi sila ang number one (well, madalas, okay lang), basta mahal nila 'yung person. 'Yun lang ang mahalaga.

I don't think this should be. ~~ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE THIS TYPE OF PEOPLE AND WHY THE FUCKING HELL THERE ARE SUCH PEOPLE.~~

First of all, ~~ARE YOU FUCKING MAD?~~ If you're not satisfied with your relationship, please, FIX IT OR END IT. Don't wait for things to get worse. AND DON'T EVER GET A NUMBER 2. You're not just destroying your Number 1's life, your Number 2's as well. You ruin their reputation and their self esteem. If you want to destroy your own life, don't bring others down with you.

AND TO NUMBER 2's, ~~WHAT THE FUCK~~. Have you ever heard of "Love yourself, others will love you."? Have some dignity. Don't you respect yourself? Don't give me that "hindi ko hinihinging mahalin mo rin ako" bullshit. LOVE, for me, should be acknowledged. It's either (1)accepted and reciprocated, or, (2)denied. 'Wag kang magtyaga sa hindi ka priority. KASI, kahit bored ka, hindi talaga tama 'yun. Makipag-chever ka sa single, sige. Atleast masasabi mong wala kang kasalanan. Pero sa commited, iba na 'yun. Kahit hindi pa sila kasal, DUDE, a sin is a sin... (Side note, a sin is salt :))) HAHAHA...)

I believe there's someone for everyone. Some people find their perfect match, some people don't. There's someone who'll love you with all their heart and soul. You just have to be patient. You just have to have faith. Maybe the perfect one for you is not the one you imagined, but, I'm sure there's someone. Don't waste your time being with the wrong person. Every hour spent with the wrong person, is an hour less spent looking/waiting for the right person.

But then again, life is pro-choice. You can choose a person to be your perfect one... The question is, do they want to make you the one for them?

Do I even have a point?

Let Me Tell You: I'm a Cry Baby

2011-08-13T21:14:00.003+08:00

Let me tell you about how I got to be the awesome me I am today. No. Of course, I'm just joking. I'm born awesome.

Let me tell you about things that people keep on asking me about. This is the dawn of another series of posts. And then maybe I should put up a FAQ page.

When did you last cry?

It's such a cliché question. And, well. Almost every single time I have to answer this, it would be last night. If not, it's just now, yesterday, the other day, just this week, last week…

So, let me tell you, I'm a cry baby. I cry about almost everything. I cry when I miss my Mom. I cry when I miss home. I cry when I think of the days that will never be. I cry when I think of the days that could've been. I cry when I think of the happiest moments of my life. I cry when I realize those moments are all a bunch of lies. I cry about things I could've done. I cry about things I can't do. I cry a lot because of people. Even if I try my best not to attach myself to others, I'm weak. I get easily friendly, thus, I get easily disappointed. I get easily broken. I get easily torn to pieces. Thus, I cry a lot.

And then I have this problem of not wanting to share my problems, ASAP. I'm always thinking, "I'll shut my mouth, it'll be okay." But things get worse. And I cry. Things get bigger and uglier. And I cry. I tell someone about it. They get sad, they get involved. And I cry. I turn out giving up. And I cry.

I also cry when I'm super happy.

I cry over movies, novels, music, art... I cry about things that are not really my concern.

That's how it is. I'm a cry baby.

HIATUS

2011-08-08T12:13:00.002+08:00

did you notice? :P

will update soon. check my twitter for updates.

kbye!

hugs!

-wendi laureen

Give Up, Let Go

2011-07-17T00:19:00.002+08:00

sabi nila, "Never give up." agree ka ba dito? minsan ba, kailangan na talaga maglet go ng isang bagay (or tao)? :D

Giving up and letting go are two different things.

You already failed an exam. The act of surrender is not giving up. It's letting go. You're going to be late for class. The act of surrender is giving up, not letting go.

If there is still a chance for change and you just drop everything, that's giving up. Cowardice, prolly. But if there's 0% chance, as in none, ze-o-ro chance, then you should just let it go. Just move on...

And so we should never give up on life, and just let go of the bad things...

LIES

2011-07-15T10:08:00.003+08:00

I'm living in a web of lies. I don't know my reality.

I'm walking in maze of emotions. I don't know where to turn. I don't know when to go back... or if I need to, or if I can...

I'm eating myself up. I don't want to regret anything. But, I don't know how to make things work for me, and for others.

I'm holding back, and I don't know how much longer I can stay this way.

But, I don't even know: Who am I lying to? :(

HATING ON GLOBE

2011-07-04T21:05:00.002+08:00

Summer Term nung unang mangyari sakin 'to. Tapos, kahapon ulit. Tapos ngayon na naman.

Hindi ako makasend ng message, can't make calls. Hindi rin makareceive ng texts/calls. WTH is happening? Nung unang time, 8-10 hours nawala yung services sakin. Naka-Super25 ako nun, kung 'yun man tawag sa one day unlitext & unlicall. Sayang 'yung unli ko. HINDI KO MAN LANG MATAWAGAN 'YUNG CUSTOMER SERVICE. >:| Walang kwenta. Nagpaload pa ulit ako nun, kasi baka nawalan ako ng load. Pero, 'yun nga, di ko rin naman mareceive 'yung load. Di man lang ako makapag-inquire ng balance. TANGINA TALAGA.

Kahapon, dalawang oras ulit. Nakaka-badtrip lang talaga. Paano naman 'yung unli ko.

Tapos, right now, it's happening for the third FUCKING time.

Sana mabasa ito ng GLOBE TELECOM. Kung magddown naman kayo ng certain number, sana may confirmation muna! At, paano naman kung may emergency? >:| Hindi nyo man lang pinalitan 'yung nasayang na time. Sorry po ha. Hindi lang kasi ako sanay sa trash-ish na services niyo since I've always been a Smart user. Babalik na nga lang ako sa Smart.>:| BADTRIP.

UP Rep

2011-07-02T20:51:00.002+08:00

So, bago ko pa makalimutan, magta-type na ko.

The whole week, grabe, excited talaga akong mag-apply sa The UP Repertory Company. Aside from the fact na sikat sila (luma at current members), ang gagaling talaga nila. Tuwang tuwa ako sakanila. At, since lagi akong naghahanap ng papansin sakin, ito na talaga: mago-org na ko!

Andaming sabi-sabi tungkol sa UP Rep. 'Yung iba, misunderstanding lang naman. 'Yung iba, di naman na nila dini-deny. At least.

Sana kayanin ko 'yung app process. At sana, walang mag-defer sa batch namin. 14 na nga lang kami, mababawasan pa, di ba?

KAYA, woosh~ abangan ang Rep Life ko! :)))

2011-06-24T21:13:00.005+08:00

Are truths denied to be true still considered as the truth?

Are lies believed to be real still flaws of the reality?

What is Right? What is Wrong?

2011-06-20T23:26:00.002+08:00

People lie. People pretend.

I'm overwhelmed with this week's drama. People just started admitting their faults, and then some confessed their love (WHAT THE HELL, PREDATORS), and then, some other weird confessions.

And, I wonder, will things be better if I didn't know these?

My concern, however, are the people that I think needs to talk to me. Why aren't you talking? :/

2011-06-19T18:12:00.003+08:00

I want to be the person who gives you another chance, the person who understands your actions, the person who'll never judge your flaws, the person who'll accept every speck of your being and call you beautiful. I want to be the person who'll love you unconditionally.

I want to be the person I want you to be towards me... :(

I'm setting my pride aside...

Take Advantage of the Situation

2011-06-19T15:34:00.003+08:00

Make the most out of it.

People started re-connecting with me. Wondering how I've been, how I am. It's nice that they're here when I don't have much left.

People started apologizing. Which is super weird. Was it because of the Brotip? "Don't do bad things to people who have blogs"? I don't just mean one person, there were a few. I never knew they were making fun of me, :/ And I still don't know how to handle confessions of such acts. I can't hate these people, I pushed them away, they have the right to hate me.

But, I am waiting for one person to be real. Whoever that person is. I wish I could personally tell that person to go fjbisvkjbksjfkjnfdn in hell. :(

so as not to type all the time

2011-06-19T02:03:00.003+08:00

[EDIT] SHIT. T_____T I can't believe I almost... sorry.

There will be no scheduled posts. I'll post when I get the time.

:)

2011-06-18T21:18:00.005+08:00

I have always been mean by nature, huh? I tried to push people away. I tried to think differently... Yet, here you are, giving me a helping hand. God blessed me with tiny pieces of miracles, I was just too scared to put them all together. I love my friends.

I'm sorry you guys have to see me like this. Again. I'm sorry if I'm not answering your questions, and if I'm being such a hard hat. I appreciate your concern. I love you sooo much for offering your help. If I have denied you, sorry. I didn't mean to. Things are just too raw to talk about again and again.

Atleast I have a reason to smile... :)

I'm Sorry

2011-06-18T16:57:00.003+08:00

I'm sorry about what I've said. I'm sorry about the things I've thought of. I'm sorry about the things I've done.

I'm sorry that there are words I never said. I'm sorry if I have a limited mind. I'm sorry for the things I didn't do.

Up to the end, I can't hurt you...

being mean

2011-06-18T00:47:00.003+08:00

I wonder if I'm being mean. Most of the time, I'm not thinking of what I'm saying... And right now, I'm speaking with a broken (better yet, shattered) heart. The things I know of, I mention. Things I don't know of, I think of worse.

I still just can't believe one of my supposedly best friends would do this to me.

25 Songs in 25 Days

2011-06-17T14:05:00.000+08:00

I started this in Tumblr, and I just want to keep up with it, so...

1. A song from your childhood.

- Sometimes by Britney Spears

[comment] I can think of Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera, Backstreet Boys, NSYNC... I have lots on my mind, really. But, I like this song best. Because it's so honest.

2. A song that reminds you of your most recent ex.

- Wizard of Oz by Clazziquai

[comment] Rihanna's Unfaithful and P.S. (I'm Still Not Over You) are too weak, since they remind me of other stuff as well, but, in some point, yes, these songs remind me of him, too.

3. A song that reminds you of one/both of your parents.

- I Want to Hold Your Hand by The Beatles

[comment] Every single Beatles song reminds me of my parents. Because my dad is a fan. Oh, LOL. Thriller by MJ reminds me of my Mom. She said it was rly in, and that every cool person knows the dance, so she knows it... because, yeah, my Mom was one of the cool kids, according to her. HAHAHA. Thriller. xD

4. A song that calms you down.

- Peace, Love, and Ice Cream by Younha

[comment] Younha's voice relaxes me. I've been listening to this song for a year now, and it still clams me down. :)

5. A song that is often stuck in your head.

- I Love You, Goodbye by Juris

[comment] Maybe because it's always remade, and maybe it always finds its way to the radio, but, I keep hearing this song. And when I hear this song, it'll be stuck in my head for two-three weeks. I sing it all the time when I remember it.

6. A song that reminds you of a best friend.

- In or Out by Sandara Park

[comment] This one reminds me of Kalidale Navarro Diaz, since we were Sandara fans together. And then other songs remind me of other best friends...

7. A song that reminds you of a great summer.

- Dreams Come True by Hey!Say!JUMP

[comment] It just came in my mind, so, yeah. That's it. :P

8. A song that reminds you of your first love.

- Brown Eyes by Destiny's Child

[comment] Literally, he has bright brown eyes. And the song is just lovely.

9. A song that makes you hopeful.

- Sunset Glow by Big Bang

[comment] ~~I don't really know the meaning of the song~~ I know that the lyrics of the song is actually sad, but, when I think of hope, it pops up in my mind. :)

10. A song by your favorite band.

- After Love by FT Island

[comment] This is the first song I've heard from FTI, and Wonbin was still the rapper. I miss him. T__T You leaving me is all a lie...

11. A song on the soundtrack of your favorite movie.

- School of Rock by School of Rock Cast

[comment] FREDDY ♥

12. The last song you heard.

- Let Me Hear Your Voice (Accoustic Version) by Big Bang

[comment] I've just read the lyrics... Wow. :)

13. A song that reminds you of a former friend.

-
14. A song that reminds you of your spouse (my boyfriend).

-
15. A song you love singing along to.

-
16. A song that has made you cry.

-
17. A song that makes you want to dance.

-
18. A song that you love but rarely listen to.

-
19. The first song alphabetically in your iTunes (my playlist).

-
20. The last song alphabetically in your iTunes (my playlist).

-
21. Your favorite song.

-
22. A song that someone has sung to you.

-
23. A song that you cannot stand to listen to.

-
24. A song that you have danced to with your best friend.

-
25. A song you could listen to all day without getting tired of.

This Might As Well Be Your Death Certificate

2011-06-17T01:34:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, for some fucked up reasons, things cloud your mind and you become uncertain about a few things in life. After some time, it'll prolly turn out well. If not, it's best try to figure things out on your own. Don't make things worse. Kumbaga, kung nagkasakit ka, at hindi enough and tubig at pahinga, DUDE, UMINOM KA NA NG GAMOT.

But, what if you're unsure for so long? What if it's periodic? Why the fucking hell are you doubting?

OKAY, I'm not going to try and work this out in other ways, I'll just go straight to the point... Or, random points.

~~For you, what is Love?~~ EEW. SCRATCH THAT.

There are times that you "feel" you love someone. That's to say, "you are in-love". When you say "you're in-love", it doesn't necessarily mean you are loving. Being in-love with someone is different from loving someone. Well, atleast that's what I've read. And from how I use the words "in-love", I think it's safe to say that you don't necessarily love the person you're in-love with. You might just admire them so much. You're a fan. You're a follower... You're something other than a lover.

And then there's this feeling of being in-love with the relationship. Maybe you don't love the person, you just love the idea of having him/her in your life as your special someone... or one of your special persons. *coughwhorecough*

Convenience. It's common among people I personally know. They are in a relationship with someone they've know for sometime, and both parties have agreed that they need each other. Love comes afterwards... most of the time. It's having a relationship with someone you can be with for a long time without getting tired... someone who knows you, and knows how to deal with you. They're what you need, and of course, you should be what they'd need.

IDK what I'm saying, rly. I'm just randomly spilling what's in my mind... at 1:54 AM. And my class is 7AM-4PM.

Shit happens.

KBye.

Failures

2011-06-12T23:15:00.003+08:00

Everybody faces a wide range of failures everyday. But not everybody knows how to deal with failure. Not everybody is patient enough, or confident enough, that there is a better tomorrow.

Giving up is always my option. When I'm facing a problem, I usually spend 50% of the time convincing myself not to give up, 25% trying to think of something else (ignoring the problem), 15% worrying (crying, and feeling terrible), and just 10% of actual problem solving (thinking of a way to move on and feel better). Suicide is one swift exit from all the problems (and perks) of life. It's so tempting when problems just come piling up outside my door. But, I know how it feels to permanently lose someone. I don't want to be a disgrace to the people who loves me.

I'm not going to boast about how hundreds of people will miss me. Because, srsly, I think about the people who look forward to my success. I don't want to disappoint those who have faith in me. And those who've challenged me, those who said I've reached my limit, I want to prove them wrong. I don't want to give them the satisfaction. I still want to see what my friends (all types of friends) will do with their lives. I want to see how life is. I still want to learn about the greatest ways of living my life. I want to be inspired. I have to endure every fall, every push and shove, every failure, for simple things in life.

When I get slapped in the face, and I get back to my right mind, I usually just wear my best smile and put on my comfiest shoes. You won't get me down. I may fail, but, I will drive this life in a way that these things won't matter in my next destination. Maybe I'm failing in life because I'm not inspired enough, or my priorities aren't set straight. Whether it's this or that, I want to believe that everything happens for a reason. Failure happens to everybody, but, happiness is a choice. I may fail, but I'll keep on smiling and thinking positive (as much as I can). If I can't find my inspiration, I think I should at least help others be inspired. If I can't set my own life straight, I think I should at least tell others not to be like me.

But, guys, if I do kill myself, I'm sorry. I'm not the one to talk, but, I hope you people keep yourselves alive and prove me that everything can be better.

[june 03]

Teacher and Respect

2011-05-12T01:32:00.001+08:00

Weekend, I went home for the UPCAT review. What would I call myself? Tutor? Teacher? Lecturer?

Anyway, I know how messed up I can be with this kind of responsibilities so I actually told them my weak points.

I am a normal student. I am lazy most of the time. Uma-absent ako, at madalas ding late. Ang maipagmamayabang ko lang, magaling akong mag-review dahil magaling akong mag-notes. Madalas hindi ako natutulog. Noong kapanahunan ko, natutulog lang ako sa review center.

Tas banat ko, "sana 'wag n'yo 'kong tularan." They were behaved most of the time. They're quite fun. At magagaling sila, matatalino sila. I believe that they can make it to UP if they really put effort in it.

Well, ask for respect and it shall be given to you.

On the other hand...

I mentioned before na I'm always wearing my earphones, right? Sometimes, I wear them in class, too.

May mga times na, after break, hindi ko na tinatanggal 'yung left bud. I just put it on mute para hindi hassle. May mga times talaga na ganito. Hindi naman ako pinapagalitan or what. At, sa UP, may freedom kang gawin ang gusto mong gawin para comfortable ka sa classroom, basta hindi maka-abala sa iba. I guess nasanay ako masyado sa ibang prof ko na walang pakealam kung tulog ka, kumakain ka, nag-aaral for other classes, or nakikinig ka. Basta pumasok ka para wala kang rason na bumagsak sa exam.

So, kanina, after break, iniwan ko lang ulit 'yung left bud, kasi Tonight by Big Bang 'yung nagpplay. Tas nagssulat akong ganyan, nakayuko. Sinusulat ko 'yung sinasabi ni prof nang bigla s'yang tumahimik. Nung inangat ko 'yung ulo ko to look, nakatingin na sya sakin ng mataray. Nagtinginan na rin malamang 'yung mga kaklase ko in my direction. Hindi naman ako kumakanta, I'm sure. And, hindi naman siguro biglang na-realize ng prof ko na sikat ako.

"Can you please take your earphones off?"

Hinablot ko agad, tas cool lang. Ayokong mag-mukhang takot or worried or nervous. Psh. UP 'to, may freedom ako to do what I want.

"Nakaka... I feel unrespected."

Ay, grabe, sorry po. :| Sa itsura niyo po kasing kita boobs, kagalang-galang talaga kayo. *rolls eyes* Magdamit ka muna ng maayos, tsaka na natin pag-usapan ang respect na 'yan. And, I didn't mean harm. I was paying attention naman. HELLO? Nagn-notes pa nga ako by ear, eh! Tas, bat ba ngayon n'ya lang binanggit, eh, madalas naman akong ganun. Hindi pa s'ya nasanay? Napuno na s'ya? Psh.

Ayaw na ayaw kong mapunta sa bad side ng mga Math profs. I can still remember Prof Rizzie and his talks about life and math and shit. Iisipin na naman nila na mayabang ako. :|

Poker face, poker face.

Summer is a Lie

2011-05-04T15:12:00.002+08:00

I just had to take a Toki from Math to dorm today, and I realized something while blissfully watching the Fire trees: THE PHILIPPINES DOESN'T HAVE A SUMMER SEASON. Why? Because the PH is a tropical country, that means there are only TWO seasons: wet and dry... and it sounds so pervy to me.

So why do we have summer vacation, summer classes, and summer jobs, when WE ACTUALLY DON'T HAVE SUMMER IN THIS COUNTRY?

O___O

girl with issues.

K,Bye.

?

2011-05-04T09:29:00.003+08:00

Yeah ^^ :) yeah I go to a private academic school ^^ Yeah well most schools in the Uk wear uniforms :)

I saw this from someone's Tumblr... and I was wondering: What are other types of schools aside from "academic"? Driving School? Acting School? Art School? Music School?

Hmmn... Okay, I think I just pwned myself.

Bye.

Into It: Beastly

2011-05-01T02:03:00.005+08:00

You guys know how I have issues, right? I srsly care about every little detail.

The cast line-up is great. Allex Pettyfer is freaking handsome, plus the abs multiplies everything to ten. Vanessa Hudgens, she's good. Neil Patrick Harris, he's awesome.

The story is, obviously, supposedly, modern Beauty and the Beast. Except, sometimes I wonder if who's who. KIDDING!

Lindy, Vanessa's character, is really selfish. She complains about her Dad a lot. She wants to be rid of her annoying Dad. Well, that's the message I got. And, I'm like, really? This is how the world sees the modern Belle? An ungrateful bitch? And, isn't her character supposed to be smart? The only proof she's smart was when she said she had a scholarship. Actually, she can get a scholarship for being a beggar. But, I'm sure that's not it.

And then there's this tiny line about missing school, which doesn't always mean missing having class and learning.

Couldn't they just let her like books instead of roses? I believe girls my age love books. Yes, I like roses and other flowers, but I prefer books. This movie's modern Belle is too girly, and not too smart. But, I guess, that's because her name's beauty, and not intellect.

Kyle, Alex's(?) character, is a little too nice, no? No, wait. Let's do this character on character.
to his Dad: too nice. He's sad about him not being around, but, no, he just wants attention and love that's pure. He doesn't order his Dad to be there. He just sits and waits. He's nice.
to the housekeeper and teacher: fairly nice. He screams when he complains. He complains. He's got a wide vocab on profanities. But he doesn't harass them. He tells them to do things that are in their job description. He's okay.
to Lindy: niiice~! Even before he transformed into a beast, he was flirting with her. He's nice.
to Kendra: bitch-ass mean.
So, is he really mean or not? Yes, he is arrogant, and a total ass, but, just to ugly people, right? ~~Whew. I'm safe.~~ Anyway, again, he should have had a little more temper to build up tension. All he did was complain, really: Not really scary or beast-like at all. But, maybe this means the modern Beast is arrogant, stuck-up, vain… but doesn't always mean harm to anyone? Does this mean, even if you're kind, if you're arrogant, you're still in the Beast category. ~~I'm in the Beast category then?~~ I'm a little bit confused. I refuse to just accept that he is a beast.

The romance in this movie is inappropriate. Again, this is modern Beauty and the Beast. I give them credit for trying to revive romance with long hand written love letter, poetry, flowers… ~~Oh, and I love the part where he tries to buy her with expensive things, ends up with nothing; then he buys her with food, they end up friends. That one, my friends, is true. LOL. Kidding!~~

But, wait, the inappropriate part! I keep lagging. He takes her to the zoo. At night. When the zoo is closed. THAT IS NOT ROMANTIC. BUT THAT CERTAINLY IS TRESPASSING. Are you guys mental? Trespassing is illegal, it is a crime! NEVER BREAK INTO A ZOO.

And if we rewind, Kyle stalks Lindy. He knows where she lives. If you, dude, are taken aback with her beauty and whatnot, do not just follow her to her house, watch her from the ally, watch her buy coffee, visit her page all the fucking time you're online… Why not try talk to her? Yes, knowing what they're doing, what they're thinking is very much crucial to your life. But, srsly, do not stalk. It is not good.

This is not the modern love story. Trespassing is not romantic. Stalking is not romantic. :|

BUT, my issues aside, the movie was a great and fun way to spend some time. :))

Dreams

2011-04-30T22:15:00.004+08:00

Aside from the blurry memory of my monobrow dream, I finally started remembering my dreams again. I am finally normal, in Wendisense.

It was Wednesday morning when I first remembered an awkward dream. Yes, I fell asleep at 3 or 4 AM on Wednesday. I'm not going to say those dramatic cliché. "I was lost in thought... I couldn't sleep, worrying about... Staying awake was too painful but sleep isn't any better..."

But, actually, I really was lost in thought. And I couldn't sleep because I was worrying about something. Staying awake, yes, was frustrating, because I had class at 10 AM. Sleep, however, can't seem to agree with me.

So, an excerpt of the dream, which I wrote in my journal for the meantime because I didn't have internet...

...We then came across a tiange, displaying various headbands. We stopped over to look. An old man standing beside the display took a headband. He said it'll look good in me. He put it in my head. "What do you think?" I was actually freaking out already. But I answered, "yes, I think it's cute." The old man suddenly stepped closer to us and asked me to come with him. Now, I was freaked out...

...And then I remember us running. It didn't feel like we were running away from the man, tho. I dunno why, but we were running… And, now that I think of it, the girl with us was Ia. But when we were running, she wasn't there anymore...

And I can't share the whole dream because, now that I think of it, it is inappropriate on some levels. I'm glad I didn't have internet. Anyway... Please correct my grammar. LOL.

And, yeah, I had other dreams that aren't really exciting, so, whatever...

SHOUTOUT

2011-04-26T21:46:00.006+08:00

Sa mga nagbabasa ng blog ko dyan, are you stalking me? Well, IDK and IDRC, so, hello thar! Why don't you leave me anything in my chatbox? Anyway, are you still bored? D'you want me to suggest things you can do? :D :D :D

Well, aside from thinking of happy thoughts and flying to Neverland... I believe you should do cartwheels! That's right, do cartwheels! What, you don't know how? Well, haha! I don't either! That's why you should give it a try! :D It'll be good for your health. Exercise! If you fall and break you arm tho, go to the doctor! :D Isn't that fun?

Next, if you're retarded, try Neopets.com! I was retarded once, too, don't worry. :) My username was uni_cell, and I still find it cute. Badass username, hellyeah.

If you're not amused, well then, why not make your own blog! Write and share stuff. Make stories. Please, please give me a link so I have something to read, too. I get bored, too. I don't have blogger friends. :(

You want to do something that can relive your childhood? Hmmn. Don't just watch old Disney movies... READ THEIR SCRIPTS HERE. It'll be better than watching the movies. If you're a real fan, you'll know how the scenes played out. So, go ahead and kill yourself with scripts! :D

But, srsly, guys. IDK why you read my blog, IDK if you're just bored, but, thanks anyway. Atleast someone reads what I write in here.

When the day comes that I get paid for every click, I hope you would still visit my blog. (Then I'd be rich. RICH. RIIICH~!)

Please don't judge me too much. No, I'm not just a girl with a blog. I'm a girl with a lot of imagination and IDK how to put 'em into good use, so, yeah, I blog. I like making things look a bit more fun, or a bit more serious... But things, aren't always what they seem, okay?

IDK what I'm saying all of a sudden. LOL.

SHOUT OUT TO:

Physics Friends!!!

Pisay IRC People, esp. eMeMeX!!!

Kalay Friends!!! HIMIG KALAY!

to my random internet friends... :D

And to Marcgell's orgmates. ;) heyeah~

IVANA JOYCE! :)

HANNA THEA~! :D

Jayjay! xD

Marcgell!

and to whoever is reading this. :) I bet you're a fan.

//stab me with a fork, wilyah?

My New Bio, Prolly...

2011-04-25T03:20:00.002+08:00

I don't intend to be deep, but, I really want to understand how the universe works. The list of the things I want to know keeps growing longer ang longer. Being smart isn't my goal. My goal is to be wise. I want to be able to determine what's right and what's wrong in instant. I want to be able to make my decisions right.

There are times that I get a little too confident about how I look. Well, if I was someone else, I'd date myself, me being either a guy or a girl. And, tens of guys know they'd kill to date me.

Oh, I love exagerating for added effects. That's how I am being a writer. I would type extra letters for emphasis, like, yeeaaah~! And I spell seriously as s-r-s-l-y, really as r-l-y, and...

I have a limited dictionary of profanities, so I use all the words all the fucking time. Well, no, not rly.

I love contradicting myself. It's fun. Uh, no.

I compliment myself when nobody does. ~~And when my friends won't, and I hate on them.~~

I love reading. I read menus. I read Math Books. I read UP-CAT and SAT reviewers. I love novels. I love Sandra Brown and her thrillers. I'm into violence. I love the Harry Potter Series. I love children's books.

I'm a Disney kid. I grew up wanting to be like one of the princesses. It's unfair that those girls in their classic movies always, always gets married early. And, yeah, I love them and I hate them all at once.

I listen to different types of music. I love KPop. ~~I can spend all day talking about KPop. I've never tried that before, but, I will accept challenges.~~

I hate being sick. So, I jog to assure myself that I'm healthy.

~~I'm tiny.~~ No. ~~I'm sexy.~~ No, wait... I'm pettite. WELL, atleast my hands and feet are proportional to my size. ~~Unlike others who have gargantuan feet but lack in height, or microhands but are giants.~~

I am mean. I make fun of others a lot. And I make fun of myself alot, too. :O

I eat when I'm bored. I'm not always hungry, I just love to eat. :O I guess my mouth just needs to move, since I don't talk too much... ~~since I don't have anyone to talk to... since I don't have much friends... because I'm so annoying... because I'm too good to be friends with anyone...~~ since I'm always typing, just sitting around.

[A/N: Why am I so celf-centered? I WANNA KNOW. :O ]

OHYEAH~!

2011-04-23T23:35:00.001+08:00

UPDATE

2011-04-23T22:56:00.005+08:00

My first I Look Up To post is two weeks overdue. The research process is just eating me all up. I have to cut the post short now. :O

And on a random note. kmjn sfvkjbgkjbrejbke.

MINHWAN DOING RAINISM. Yes, it's messy. Sorry he's not a dancer. He's just a drummer/singer/rapper anyway.

I keep doing microposts. Sweet. :)

[edit] OMG. He plays the piano BTW. ijbveijbvbjerakjbkjnb. Whyyyyy. Sooo adorable. TT__TT

Looking Back

2011-04-22T23:06:00.003+08:00

I need to make a post before the actual date of the anniversary. I've been thinking about my "About Me" box, and, heck, why don't I make a whole post for that? Because I'm a narcissist that way.

Anyway, for the past blog year, I've been quite annoying. Yes, I admit that. I'm going through my entries, pretending to be someone who haven't seen them before and I really, really find me annoying.

I remember a Twitter update that's definitely right for me. "I'm fluent in three languages: English, Sarcasm, and Profanity."

April 2009-April 2010, I forgot how to be sarcastic. Well, maybe not that I forgot how to be sarcastic, I just learned how to be honest, and how to be considerate about my opinions and other's (others'?). But then came 2010, which I knew from way back would not be my year. And yes, I did a lot of mo-fu-ing entries about hope and loneliness, stupidity, and all that shit. I wrote about people, which was mean of me. And I keep on swearing. Though I already did say that I can say "hell" and "fuck" in just one sentence, I became a little bit more barbaric, ghetto.

And so, I am not exactly your type of awesome, am I? I'm just a teenager. I am a sorry excuse for an adult. I have a bad case of over confidence that comes out at wrong times and places. I cuss.

But I'm not all bad, am I? :/ I don't know. It's just hard to think of the good things I've done. It's like sorting out clothes. It's easier to say a shirt has a print, than be entirely sure it doesn't. So, yeah, I'm not entirely sure about the things I've done right.

I did a good job choosing UP, that's one. I've made some friends. I've accepted the fact that I love Marcgell....

It's srsly hard to think of the good stuff. I think of one, and I get, like, ten failures with it. It's so frustrating. I know I've worked hard to stay out of trouble. I really want to be a good student. But, I'm just the way I am. I have flaws. Hell, I have lots of them!

Looking back, I've made lots of good entries that prolly annoy people who wish were as great as I am. Because I'm cocky, and rough, and a narcissist, and I can get away with it. HA! Beat that!

But, srsly, guys (if I still have readers, since last I checked there were just three, I think...) I really didn't have much this blog year. Yes, I am prolly most active now. Which only shows I don't have a life. :| So, wish me luck. And I wish every single person out there, especially you, to have the best you deserve! :) Let's all be positive about life and go out there and look for our dreams~

Ooh~ dramatic shit~

Just Because

2011-04-21T01:58:00.002+08:00

BULK POST

1. I used to blog freely. I never really expected anyone (aside from my Mom and Lei) to read this piece of sh--. I used to write all my thoughts and feelings. But now, it seems that I wait. I wait for things to get better. I wait for things to be worse. I wait for the time it no longer matters. I'm not entirely sure if it's a good thing for my reputation, since I think before I blog. But it's not too well for my emotional health. Memories keep coming back, thoughts keep clouding my mind.

2. Memories keep coming back. Well, no, not really. Just when people remind me. Or things remind me. The phrase in Park Bom's song, "please, don't cry," just reminds me of Vil. Well, I was soo into the MV, like, T__T whysosaaad?? And then I was singing along while browsing my dashboard in Tumblr... [insert gibberish here because idk Korean ] It's okay, baby, please, don't cry ~ And then it hit me. I saw a picture of chocomint cakes or smth, and there and then, it came back to me: How Nikka thought I meant "Vil and I" when I really just meant "Mint and Chocolate". He told me that while letting me go, "don't cry." And how he told me not to cry when, obviously, I would cry my eyes out... Unbelievable.

3. Why are all these great songs so heartbreaking? 0330 by U-KISS, Dongho pretending she's still there... Big Bang's Love Song & Stupid Liar, being left behind & being cheated on... Daesung's Baby, Don't Cry... It's just rubbing in on me. It makes me wanna cry all the time. It makes me feel like, maybe, something's wrong and I just keep asking myself What if he leaves me? What if he cheats on me? T__T Soo frustrating. I can't even go to sleep peacefully.

4. Dreams. I don't remember my dreams lately. All I can remember from the last one was the fact that I had a unibrow. I should pluck my eyebrows. :|

5. My head hurts. I'll sleep.

Why You Need to be Honest the Whole Time

2011-04-20T22:08:00.001+08:00

Because you'll never know when you'll die. You don't want your last words to be lies, do you?

When Someone Goes Missing

2011-04-18T21:24:00.006+08:00

So, ML's fine. After everybody's frenzied worrying and shiz, he's fine. At normal rates of life, I would be really pissed at him. But, life isn't normal, anymore.

So, what happened with ML? Wait, do you guys know him?

→ ML, is Irah's boyfriend. He's my Physics mate. He's an asshole. But, to Irah, ML is the whole wide cotton candy universe.

Before ML went missing, he was with Irah. Well, don't ask why, that's just how it is if you've got means to be together, you'll take all the chances. Anyway, he went home late. Like, after 10PM late. But, I guess it's okay since it was Friday. Since his phone was dead, Irah gave her extra phone to him. Note that that phone had Irah's contacts.

Saturday was Meryll's debut. ML was supposedly one of the 18 roses. But he didn't show up. He didn't contact any of us. We thought he just didn't want to go, and we killed him in our imagination while worrying about his part in the program. I bet his phone received all the profanities in the world from us... well, if it was on.

When I got back in the dorm on Sunday, Irah came to my room to, idk, chit chat. And before she could ask where ML is, I told her he didn't come and that her boyfriend is such a diva. She went all weird and then, she told me his phone has been off since Friday night. We went panic mode.

Panic mode: Imagine those panic modes in movies when someone goes missing. We were srsly like that. Irah and I were acting like detectives, checking his Facebook, our Physics group updates... Last time he was online was Thursday. I killed my blockmates' phones asking if they've seen or heard of ML since Friday. One of my blockmates, JK, is ML's highschool batchmate. JK asked other highschool friends... and it got really out of hand... Our adviser, Dr. Esguerra found out... The college secretary's office found out... AND YET NO ML. :O

Everybody was actually worried about him. :O It's so amazing how someone so annoying is actually missed.

Anyway, he was confined, and wasn't able to re-charge his phone. I'm srsly glad his okay. Now, Irah can peacefully sleep... and I can stop asking everyone in the Physics list if they've got news about him.

ANOTHER POINT HERE.
Something got stuck in my mind! When I went to the College Secretary to ask for ML's emergency contact details, blah blah blah, they will only give the number to his girlfriend. WHAT IF I WENT MISSING? Then, Marcgell still needs to go here in Diliman just to have my emergency contact details? What if in the 2 hours travel time I died?

Why are they called emergency contact details if the office is not allowed to give them during an emergency? Right? Right? ~.~

Sudden Things

2011-04-17T23:40:00.002+08:00

I'm not a big fan of AJ Perez. I know him by face and name. I follow his twitter. I know he's a Star Magic Talent. But when he died in an instant awhile ago, I really feel bad about everything. He's got his whole life ahead of him. He's definitely on his way to stardom. He wasn't even able to get to college. :( I just can't stop thinking of things he might have still wanted to do. Of the people he might have still wanted to meet. Of the dreams he might have still wanted to be real. I can't imagine how his family and friends feel. They've been with him for too little time. What about the promises he said he'll keep? What about the plans he made? What now? Where are they now? We can never really say when our time is coming.

RN, I don't know how serious it is, but ML is "kind of" missing. Maybe he's just running away (as in cutting all means of communication) from us, his friends, plus his girlfriend; or he's running away from home. Last time Irah saw him was Friday night. And he didn't go to Meryll's debut even though he was one of the 18 roses. We're all worrying about him now. We can't contact him, and we don't know any of his family's contacts. We srsly don't know where he is. We'll find out tomorrow. I hope and pray he goes to class.

It's just that, when these kinds of things happen, I want to actually hold each person I want to keep in my life. :| I don't want anyone running away from me for some odd reasons. And I certainly don't want anyone leaving me forever. Before these things happen, I'm going to warn you now not to leave me or I'll go nuts. And I just want to say, I love you, guys. Even if you hate me, or you're just stalking me, or you wandered here randomly: Please, keep yourselves safe and healthy, and never runaway from home.

-To my Mom and my Dad, I will never think of running away from home, from school, from responsibilities, and from challenges. I will be a better person. I love you!

-To my sibs~ I love you all~ We don't fight that much anymore, and I'm happy about that. Let's be better friends every single day. I love you~!

-To my friends, to those I consider as friends, and to those pure hearts that want to be friends with me: I am not an easy case to handle, and I want to say sorry for all the shit and drama I cause. I will be a better person. Please look after yourselves more, and be safe at all times. Don't go around unfamiliar places.

-And, Marcgell, you're not allowed to die. Not now, and not soon. Please, please, be safe. And be a responsible adult... since I'm legal I can tell you that. But seriously, don't go drinking outside at the middle of the night. Don't do drugs. Don't smoke. Don't... you know... Don't do things that are prolly rumored great but are actually bad for you. :O Okay? Be safe. ~~And don't cheat on me or I'll kill you.~~ I love you!

I hope ML is okay. I hope he's just being a diva, trying to act cool and all. Well, when one person starts to worry (esp. when that person is Irah), everybody starts worrying. So, I soo hope he's okay. Let's all pray he's okay.

And let's pray for AJ Perez, for his family and friends who've lost a son, a brother, a friend... He will be missed. Be in peace in God's hands now, AJ.

Meryll's Day

2011-04-17T22:59:00.003+08:00

So, once upon a time, Meryll invited all her Physics friends to go to her debut.

In her mind: prim and proper, ladies and gentlemen

In our mind: WTF PARTEY~!

But guess what. I fvcking forgot. :O It's a good thing I sent a group text message to Physics people. Josh told me he had my invitation. I ask him when the party, and he was like, "uh, mamaya na?" O___O This by far is my worse failure as a friend.

Still, I did my best to go there. :O

Laguna. Another plus: I can go see Marcgell before the party starts~ Ohoho~ I met up with him and his family at SM Calamba. They're the best of people. And his sibs are so *___* adorable (tho I bet nakakastress ang kakulitan)... I hope they'd grow up to be great kids. =3= The world needs more awesome people like me.

ANYWAY. I wasn't really tired of baby sitting. As long as I'm with Marcgell. And, yeah, won't delete that gay comment. :|

Well, the party. I'm not sure, but, it's the first debut I've been invited to, I think. I mean, not considering my mom's friends' daughters or such. And, it was quite an experience. The whole program was awesome. People telling her things about growing up and shit like that. When I turned 18, people told me I can do porn and get to jail. :| Why didn't anyone remind me how awesome I am? Oh, wait, I think because the whole world knows that. :D

Back to the party... Some people in the program didn't actually came. Soo, most of us got into weird places without even knowing it. And most of them aren't even legal, yet. :O Soo... weird.

Overall, it was nice being with my blockmates. I had a lot of awkward moments, but, yey~ I survived! :)

Happy 18th Birthday, Ms. Viernes! :))

Summer Enrollment

2011-04-14T20:46:00.005+08:00

First Day --- Just plain lazy.

@CS Lib

- This amazingly cute flowchart of the enrollment process is posted. I say amazingly cute 'cause people actually had the time to cut out watermelon slices, clouds, sun, fish, shells, and all the gayness of summer.

- Flowchart says Physics majors' pre-advising in CSRC

*le walk to CSRC = le walk to hell*

@CSRC

Me: Ate, saan po 'yung sa pre-advising?

Registration Assistant: Anong course?

Me: Applied Physics po.

RA: Applied Physics? Eh di sa NIP.

RA: *look that says I'm stupid*

- I am so pissed with her. Like, dude, I asked you nicely. AND, FUCK YOU, it was printed and posted in the CS Library that the pre-advising for Physics Majors is IN the CSRC. Just show me the fucking room, bitch.

- ANYWAY, to avoid firing up on her, I turned back and went back to the dorm.

Second Day -- Just disoriented

*le walk from dorm to NIP = walk to the Sun*

@NIP

Me: Saan po 'yung pre-advising?

Guard: Pre-advising? Sa admin siguro.

*le walk to admin office*

Me: Dito po ba 'yung pre-advising?

Person: Sa CSRC

-- TENGENENG R.A. YUN. BOBO. Mas bobo naman akong naniwala.

*le walk to CSRC = hell*

@CSRC

- luckily, iba na 'yung RA, she showed me where the pre-advising room is.

-UNLUCKILY, wala pang advisers ang Physics. DANG.

*le walk back to NIP

@NIP

- What I love about NIP is the temperature and the atmosphere. You feel relaxed.

- My adviser's office just had to be on the third floor. Found him in a discussion with a student who, obviously, is working on his thesis. I love my adviser for having cute students. O__o

*walk back to CSRC, tanned*

@CSRC

- I couldn't have my Form5 printed because I still have to go to Vinzons to get my STFAP Bracket verified.

*walk around CS Lib, AS, to Vinzons

*realize afterwards that there's a way to Vinzons that's a quarter the length of what I just went through

@Vinzons

- Easy. Got my bracket confirmed.

*because I am already heartbroken, tired, and hungry, I took an Ikot

*drifted away, missed my stop, ended up in the dorm.

-shit happened, blah blah

*walk back to CSRC (Marian accompanied me, I didn't tell her, but I'm so happy I have her.)

@CSRC

- passed my Form5A

*walk to CS Lib, Marian made libre, I love her

*walk to CSRC, like hell.

*took an Ikot to the cashier's office

@Cashier's Office

- Second longest line (based on waiting time) I had. One hour and thirty minutes. :|

And then I'm enrolled. When I check CRS, my prof changed. Seems like the class I was in was put into Prof Palejo's. Which, I hope, would not turn out bad.

That, my friends, is enrollment for you. Oo, ganyan talaga kagulo. Kung gaano ka-confusing ang pagka-structure ng post na to, ganun din ka-confusing and enrollment.

MetaHo

2011-04-13T13:11:00.003+08:00

Going through the enrollment process sucks. I hate it. All of it. And it's 50 million times worse because I'm fucking alone.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but, I like flying solo. If you have too much attachments, it's too much work and drama. This is just what I feel atm. Take Marian, for example. She's got tons and tons of friends. She was so stressed out with enrollment 'cause she needed to wait on them to finish one step to go the next. See how time consuming that is? That's exactly what I hate. But, then... after all the shit, she was able to enroll, have lunch with friends, go play Rock Band, and rest like a queen. Me? Psh. No friends, no stress, and no fun at all.

It's not like I choose to be alone. I'm just really awkward. I'm weird. I did try to have friends. I ended up hating people. I don't want that anymore. Knowing each other is fine. Let's not go deeper, let's not hold on tighter. And, my blockmates became closer after this and that, and, yeah, I wasn't there.

I'm such a weird kid. People say I'm a people-person. But, no. I'm not. I do try to be okay with everyone. Yes, another problem with me. I try to be kind to everyone, which sometimes leads to trouble. I want to protect myself from any type of corruption. The lesser interaction, the lesser damage I get. ANW, back to me being a weird kid. Well, I just am. People either say I'm a bitch, or I'm a queen. Either way, their wrong. I'm just an awkward kid trying to fit in. I talk, I smile, I laugh... but I'm always in the receiving end. I don't share. I can't share. I'm scared of people.

Awhile ago, I saw two people from my corridor. I didn't notice them since I had my earphones on, and I don't do eye-contact. She approached me and said, "lagi ka kasing naka-earphones, kaya di mo marinig ang mundo." And I know what she meant. I never hear people call my name because I seem to block them out alltogether. But right there and then, I felt so empty. Like, I choose to live an empty life. I'm pushing everybody away after I've tried and tested our attitudes' compatibility.

I just... I don't want to make friends anymore. Because I hate losing them. Breaking up with a friend is lightyears more painful than breaking up with a boyfriend. I don't want to make anymore connections. I thought we will be friends forever. Unbreakable, invincible. What's worse is, we never even talked about our problems... My mind forever screams that your cruel, a bitch. Yet, I miss you. So much.

And, I fly solo. Atleast some thinks I'm cool.

I Look Up To: An Intro

2011-04-12T18:22:00.002+08:00

You'll know a person based on the people he looks up to. And to have something to post once in a while, I'll be doing a "I look up to: [insert person's name here]" series. I warn you, I look up to a lot of artists, especially those in KPop. Le Kpop Fangirl here.

I'll prolly make random posts when something comes up, but, do expect these awesome people:

1. Lee Hyori

2. Sandara Park

3. Lee Seunghyun

4. Alexander Lee Eusebio

5. Kevin Wu <-- you think he's a KPop artist, no? :P

6. Daniel Armand Lee

and prolly other normal people you might have seen in the streets. Don't expect Willie Revillame or those kind of shit, tho.

Kbye. :D

[meme] famous shuffle

2011-04-09T06:12:00.004+08:00

A Shuffle Survey (grabbed from Padre Salvi)
1. Shuffle your iPod/MP3 player/iTunes/Whatever else you have.
2. Answer the questions by the song title that comes up.
3. Don’t cheat, it makes everything more fun!

[One] What is your life going to be like in five years?
Song: Mr. Right by A Rocket to the Moon
Comments: Naku. Mare-realize mo na ako nga talaga kelangan mo, for the nth time. Pero, hindi ikaw kelangan ko. :P

[Two] How is your love life going for you right now?
Song: Wala Kang Katulad by Sponge Cola
Comments: Ooh~ Baby~ :)) "Wala kang katulad... Wala na akong iba pang kailangan. Wala kang katulad..." :)

[Three] What pisses you off the most about the opposite sex?
Song: Power of Earth by Tegomass
Comments: Them thinking they're all mighty, like they're the Power of the Earth, like they're what everyone needs and wants.

[Four] What do your parents really think of you?
Song: Outro (In My World) by Seungri
Comments: I'm better now, you can look at me. :)

[Five] What do you think about the world and its current state?
Song: Brown Eyed Girl by Brown Eyed Soul
Comments: Heartbreak. Heartache.

[Six] What is the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?
Song: You're my + by MBLAQ
Comments: Being loved by someone too much... yet they leave you? :) Wow. Okay!

[Seven] What will your first/next time having sex be like?
Song: Molla'ing by Maydoni
Comments: Confusing! :P

[Eight] What is your main goal in life?
Song: 夏への扉 (Natsu e no Tobira) by Tegomass
Comments: TO GRADUATE WITHOUT FAILING. :O

[Nine] What do the boys at your school think of your looks?
Song: Blue Sky by Hale
Comments: "There's a blue sky waiting tomorrow..."?

[Ten] What do you really want in life?
Song: Saturn by Sponge Cola
Comments: "...But I'm afraid, I have to say bye now..." Sad love song, so, I just want real love?

[Eleven] How are you going to get far in life?
Song: Magic by Seungri
Comments: LOL. :)) Well, I'm so hot, and I feel like magic? People like that. :P

[Twelve] What do say when you’re in a bad mood?
Song: Lost by Katy Perry
Comments: "Have you ever been so lost? Know the way and still get lost?" Yes. Get's the mood down.

[Thirteen] What about when you are really happy?
Song: BANG BANG BANG by U-KISS
Comments: "I wanna rock~ I wanna rock~"

[Fourteen] What do think of yourself in general?
Song: Only One Person by FT Island
Comments: The girl you'll know you'd love. The only one you'll keep on waiting for. You'll pretend to like someone else, but, all the while, I'm still you're number one. BOW DOWN BEFORE ME. xD

[Fifteen] What is your life’s theme song?
Song: Seishun Amigo by Shuji to Akira
Comments: HUH? Being the badass of this neighborhood? O__o o.kay.

[Sixteen] What are you going to do this weekend?
Song: Gemini by Sponge Cola
Comments: Think about him. :O

[Seventeen] How can you try and make yourself happy?
Song: Tennessee Line by Daughtry
Comments: I'll just keep on driving...?

[Eighteen] What song will they play at your wedding?
Song: U Smile by Justin Bieber
Comments: "I'd wait on you forever and a day..." Okay lang. :) 'Cause whenever you smile, I smile... LOL.

[Nineteen] What about your funeral?
Song: Russian Roulette by Rihanna
Comments: "And you can see my heart beating..."? LOL. FUNNY. "I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving."

[Twenty] What or who makes you the most happy?
Song: Train by FT Island
Comments: Being able to trust my life to someone who's ready to love me~ Next stop, happiness! :)

[Twenty One] What am I even doing on this Earth?
Song: Perfume by Yamada Ryosuke
Comments: Seduce everyone. :O

[Twenty Two] How am I going to die?
Songs: Rolling U by MBLAQ
Comments: I'll prolly get killed because of my confidence. OHYES. Because I believe you love me.

[Twenty Three] What is some good advice?
Song: Love is Ouch by 2NE1
Comments: True.

[Twenty Four] & What’s some advice you’d never take? [July6,'08]
Song: Lady Spider by NEWS
Comments: Don't love me. You'll just get trapped in my web of lies. WHAT? O__o

[Twenty Five] Will you ever have children?
Song: Hallelujah by Chester See
Comments: I guess?

[Twenty Six] What is high school like for you or what will it be like?
Song: On The Floor by Sponge Cola
Comments: Apakan na. :| Crush and burn...

[Twenty Seven] How are you feeling today?
Song: Yawarakana mama de by NEWS
Comments: Thinking of how we laughed, they're still so fresh in my mind, like it was yesterday... :O Even if they're gone, it'll keep on ringing inside the chambers of my heart.

[Twenty Eight] What’s your general outlook on life?
Song: Mworago (What's This?) by U-KISS
Comments: Question everything.

[Twenty Nine] What are your last words going to be?
Song: VVIP by Seungri
Comments: "Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing~"

[Thirty] What song is going to be stuck in your head all day?
Song: Kushami by Tegomass
Comments: Oh, Love, Love, Love... I wanna see you. :O

SUMMER TO-DO LIST

2011-04-08T05:37:00.000+08:00

I'll try to update this every 12 hours. a sticky note atlast! :D

9/12

2011-04-08T05:05:00.006+08:00

I've got 12 days free between the end of 2nd Sem and Summer Classes. April 8 is the 9th day. Three more days before work.

I've been working on review materials for the kids. Oh, if you don't know, I have a high paying summer job. I'm going to do lectures with my elementary class' valedictorian, Sam. So, I'm dying. Since I got 99 on my Science in UPCAT ~~fuckitIonlygot90onmath~~, I'm teaching them Science Subjects (General Science, Biology, Chemistry, Physics). And since my Language is higher than Sam's, I'm also teaching Language. :| IDK how I'll teach them those in 4 days, but, yeah. We can do this.

I wanted to update my profile here in my blog. But, call me a narcissist, I love how I wrote that about myself, so, maybe a few more weeks there. :) I'll update on my blog's 4th anniversary.

Yes, Suicidal Foot is turning 4! You can basically read my life off of this thing. I'm celebrating my blog's anniversary based on my first post. I made this blog a few weeks or months before it, I think. But, I can't be sure. I might be hallucinating.

I can't fix the codes since there's just nothing wrong with it. The bug is with blogger itself, I think. :O

I've been eating. I'm getting fat. Well, I'm pretty sure not as fat as you are. :P

~~Kill this arrogant bitch, please.~~

:( How many people stopped following me? 2 months ago my number of followers sky rocket-ed (is there a word?), and now they just stop following me. Did they get bored? It's not what they expected it to be? I feel so ordinary with lesser people stalking me, and Marcgell's no longer counted since he is my boyfriend.

That is all.

Kbye.

The Drummer

2011-04-06T00:16:00.004+08:00

The best way to get rid of things in your mind is to talk about it. I wonder if it can also get rid of people..?

Anyway, I remember liking this guy from the Pep Squad. He's all that - smart, handsome, famous, talented... and a total flirt. If he's reading my blog right now... Oops. :) Sorry!

I was soo into him that I created this imaginary relationship between us. I thought we were an item. :) And, I'm not being bitter. I find myself really silly. I'm cool with that. We all have those times, and I've accepted it, and I'm over it. :)

I had a celebrity crush on him. It was...

Him: Gusto mo date tayo?

Ako: Okay lang :D (thinking SYEMPRE!!!)

Him: Kelan mo gusto?

Ako: Ikaw bahala. :)) (thinking KAHIT KELAN PA YAN.)

We had that conversation before. So, don't blame me if I thought he srsly liked me. After two months, he's got a girlfriend. SO GWAPO, right? Psh. So, he ditched me completely. He stopped hanging out where we used to see each other. He avoided me. He stopped talking to me. LIKE, hello? Dude, do you know how many guys bow down before me? So, yeah, I got over him fast. (No, I lie. I sulked for 2 weeks) He's just one of the million famous guys in the world. There are millions of guys better than him.

And, last night, he was doing his "thing" again. At first I was being friendly (since we were really just friends before I got confused), but after two or three more exchanges, I told him to think of his girlfriend. GUESS WHAT. He no longer has a girlfriend. Too bad, kid. :/

So, now, its...

Him: Date tayo?

Ako: Okay lang... (thinking Not really...)

Him: Kelan?

Ako: Kung kelan ako free...

Him: Huh? Bakit?

Ako: Busy kasi ako eh. :)

TRAPPED! x))

I hope ~~guys~~ everyone learns to face consequences. :)

[editted] TUMBLR

2011-04-04T00:51:00.003+08:00

I'm all for originality. I'm not saying do and say things that are new. I'm saying do and say and feel what is really you. I'm all for speaking up. I'm all for showing the world who you are. Tell them what you wanna say. Say it loud and proud. Be a part of this world..? Be heard, be known… Go online and update your Facebook status, Tweet, Plurk, Blog! I am all for teenage-drama-meets-technology thing that's happening these days.

BUT I USED TO HATE TUMBLR. You know why? Because people re-post. What does that mean, right? Why would you re-cycle someone else's post? How is that original? So, when I made my blog I barely used it. Yes, I reposted like 2 or 3 entries, because they were worth sharing...

AND THEN CAME THE DAY I REPOSTED FORREALS. People make these JPEG files with words on because it's hard to say what you really want to say. I mean, srsly, it's hard to explain things and when you come across a picture with what's on your mind, you repost it. Genius. You don't know how to say what you wanna say, you go around looking for pictures with a few words on them and repost them. And I remember one picture, with a conversation:

"I hope I can read your mind."

"Read my tumblr instead."

Or something like that.

So, yeah, great job to whoever thought of this!

Tumblr account here, BTW. :)

Things Before

2011-04-03T04:04:00.006+08:00

I'm browsing my blogs and came across this wonderful entry: 16 Reasons Why I Love Okamoto Keito. BELATED HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY TO MY EX-BOYFRIEND, KEITO. xD LOL.

And I'm such a great writer, a great fan, a great person. :)) Yes, World, bow down before me. BWAHAHAHAHA.

But, srsly, guys. :) If this wasn't me, I'd call it cute. HAHA. :D

BTW, Serville James, I'm finally 'fessing up, there were times I loved Keito more than you. :O //awkward. :|

When Was The Last Time...

2011-04-02T23:40:00.005+08:00

When was the last time I cried over a music video? Do you guys know? I think I'll look for it in one of my blogs...

But, anyway, here's U-KISS with 0330. You should watch the video first before reading the rest of the entry.

The video starts and I'm like, "I'll die to be that girl." Dongho is so cute. And that pout. =3= (Okay, Marcgell, this is the awkward part when you have to learn that I got that pout from Dongho. Eesh.) Confusion...then Eli's angry... and then I'm crying... And... T__T This is the only MV that I didn't rewatch right away. BECAUSE IT'S F***ING SAAAAAD. I can't believe I said I'll die to be that girl? T__T And WTH. It's so sad. And I'm over-reacting again and again.

I have to update in Cluelesshands if I'm like this...

[edit]

So, okay, here's the drama version of 0330. Go watch it if you're more confused than sad. :O

Anyway, here's the story. Dongho met this girl, who then becomes his girlfriend. They're all cute and lovely... And for some weird reasons, she disappears. Out of all the pain in the world, Dongho still thinks she's there, and that she's with him... And his friends just can't take it anymore, so they tell him to stop it. And that's that. :O

[EDITED]The Best Way Into a Woman's Heart

2011-04-02T20:39:00.004+08:00

Well, no, IDK. :O HAHA. But, IDK, all my girl friends read. And here's a PDF file of the list of every book I have in mind. If you read THE LIST, you'll get to know me 500 times more. I swear.

DOWNLOAD HERE.

Oh, and I'm home BTW. I love unlimited access to TV, fridge, iced tea, bed, and cats. :O Haha~ :))

That is all. :)

UPDATE

2011-03-30T03:02:00.003+08:00

For the 2nd sem...

I experienced my first drop. After what happened with Canlubo (1st sem), I think I should consider the profs threats as, well, as threats. :O Paranoid.

I got more and more confused about what I want in life. Life before UP, I was certain I'd be an Engineer. Now, here I am. A Physicist in the making. A sloppy creation, I must say. I am so not ready for this. But, I don't want to give up.

I seem to have seen a lot of prof-types. But, please, surprise me, CRS. Surprise me.

I hate Chem. I realized that I am so stupid in Chem. I'm srsly confused. Pisay should've hired better teachers, srsly. Honestly, parang wala akong natutunan sa Pisay. And, whatever. Chem 16, you showed me that hard work doesn't cover up my lack of Chem common sense. Thank you and good bye forever.

I've been practically alone this sem. First of all, Irah is busy with ML, and Marian is busy with her TWO orgs. Next, I only have Chem 16 with my Physics friends, and yeah. I suck. Third, IDK, i just didn't want to be close to anyone new. So STFU. I'm not a loner, I'm just busy waiting for my other friends to call me. =__=;;

I've only read 5 novels this sem. JUST FIVE. I can't believe I was that lazy. :|

Nawalan ako ng maraming friends kasi, uhm, snob ako? :O Hindi namamansin? Hindi nakakaalala? IDK about you guys, pero, YES, I am like that. Hindi ba 'yun naman talaga ang first impression niyo of me? :/ I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm busy. I'm sorry I thought you were busy too. I'm sorry, I thought we all understand. :|

Anyway, whatever.

Ciao, 2nd sem!

Kbye.

I Hope

2011-03-27T03:23:00.004+08:00

I hope I'm just being paranoid. I hope I'm just thinking too much. I hope I'm just psycho-analyzing everything. This is one of the rare times I wish I'm wrong.

I've been trying to avoid blogging about this, because I just feel weird about it. And I know I'm not making any sense. So, let me try not to talk about it but talk about something else which is in tiny bits connected to it but not really and yeah. :|

Have you ever tried doing something for someone and get rejected? Or, maybe, asking for an apology and still be shun by the world. After some long stretches of time, the world looks for you and tells you, "hey! If you were really sorry back then, you should still be sorry now." Or something like that. Am I making any sense? :/

ETO NALANG. Kunwari, may friend ka. Nasabihan mo syang pangit, kasi totoo naman. Tapos naasar sya. Kasi naman, anong klaseng kaibigan ang magsasabi na pangit ka, di ba? Pero, you were just saying the truth. And you don't really mean that friend is always ugly, or really ugly, or kill-me-now-that-person-is-so-fucking-ugly type. Baka, bad hair day lang or something. Now, you say sorry, and explain yourself. Sasabihan mo, "sige, aayusan kita," or, "bibigyan kita ng pera," or "sayo na buhay ko, putek, wag ka na magalit." Pero, sabi niya, wag na. Kasi, nasaktan na sya sa sinabi mo eh. Hindi na mababalik 'yun. A few days later, okay na ulit kayo, parang walang nangyari. Tapos, isang araw, parang, magsasabi siya ng problema or magrarant, or magggive up on something... kasi pangit sya. Nakuha niyo na ba? If that happens, like, "pangit kasi ako..." di ba, parang ang lalim pala nung nagawa when you don't really mean it. What's worse is, ipapakita pa niya na ang miserable nya. Tapos, sasabihin niya, sana may mag-ayos sakanya, sana may magbigay sakanya ng pera, sana may makipagpalit sakanya ng buhay... TANGA BA SYA? You offered those and rejected you, right?

ACK. I'm so stressed.

I hope I'm just imagining things...

[edit]

something's fishy...

I HAVE CHOSEN A LAB

2011-03-21T00:42:00.003+08:00

Okay, as I was typing the title, I've thought of a joke like, "I've chosen you" or something... :O Ack! Weird girl. =__=;;

ANYWAY. I was reading my Physics notes (because I'm going to have an exam later today, Monday), and I realize how nanotechnology is related to life. :D

[BE WARNED, making this post is an excuse, I'm studying. ]

Porous Silicon - reflects light

Silicon is everywhere. You can get some without realizing it. It's the ideal element for making those wires for something I forgot. Problem is, Silicon (in solid state, of course) does not reflect light. AND, how is this related to life? Okay, sometimes there are things that are convenient but aren't actually what you need. Like drugs and alcohol. They take you high for sometime but not really what you need.

Silicon, when immersed in a chemical that I forgot, becomes porous. With the biggest pores of idk diameter, and of something percent scattering. Like in life, you can make things work.

Dr. Somintac's (my future adviser, maybe) lab wanted to break a record about the reflection of light and shit concerning solar panels. They needed Gold nanodots. How on earth will they make nanodots? They reused the porous Silicon. And like life, the things you might think your done with are the ones you need most. So, learn to keep them in your cabinet, let it shimmer, put aside for a bit, or things like that. ALSO, something builds up other things. People are not suddenly the way they are. Everything else, and everyone else, have their template. Like the Gold nanodots needed the porous Silicon.

After perfecting the technology in making Gold nanodots, Dr. Somintac wanted Gold nanowires. YES, nanowires. So, again, he used the nanodots to make the nanowires, in a process I forgot. So, yeah. Everything starts small. Those wires started as dots, and like words start with letters, and words make sentences... Blahblah...

And so, only those with knowledge know that the GREATEST things in life can't be seen with the naked eye.

Dear Lord, help me remember the things I forgot, help me make things close to those I don't know...

[manic mode]

[edit]

Nano amounts of gold is cheap, according to Dr. Somintac.

The Condensed Matter Physics Lab also made GaAs nanowires and Titanium oxide nanotubes...

Dr. Somintac looks so much like Jack Sparrow, that's why that's his nickname.

I like him so much because he's funny and smart!

KBYE.

Best Thing I Never Knew I Needed

2011-03-20T22:54:00.002+08:00

So, yeah. Freaky things happen. Now playing, Never Knew I Needed by Ne-Yo. It's the OST for Princess and the Frog.

ANYWAY, I like this song a lot. It's about realizing how someone actually means so much to you. BASTA, the lyrics seem to say everything I feel right now. And, honestly, I'm scared.

That is all.

Sad Things

2011-03-20T01:26:00.002+08:00

A few hours ago, na-realize ni Camille na nawawala na 'yung laptop n'ya. And, I feel so sad that this happened to her. With exams week, andaming ginagawang papers and all those shit na kailangang i-pass. And, napaisip ako sa sinabi niya, "bilang writter, para akong violinist na naputulan ng braso."

Iniiwan-iwan ko lang laptop ko, and madalas, di kami nagla-lock ng door. Kung ako nawalan ng laptop, with all my Photoshop Projects, all my stories and other creative writing works, my fandom stuff... My life is in my laptop. I can't imagine how things would be if I can't study, I can't relax, I can't write...

Sometimes, things happen to people, then we realize we're lucky. That shouldn't be. :|

UPDATE`

2011-03-19T23:16:00.005+08:00

I HAVE FREE NET. I HAVE FREE UNLI.

I HAVE FREE LOVE. ♥

yeahright.

ANYWAY, I am so pissed off with my Chem LE3. I've never been this sincere with Chem, and still my score is shit. This only proves that my hard work doesn't cover up for the talent I lack. I suck at Chem. :|

My Math is doing okay, so far...

CW10 is so weird. I've learned to actually write on my own. :O We're doing a play on the 29th. Which is weird, BTW. Creative Writing, and we're doing a play we didn't make? :O Wow.

The more Physics class I have, the more I get confused. Which Lab should I get into? Should I even stay? Physics is just too cool. B)

It's been long since I talked about acads. I love Physics. I love studying, but, I'm just not that great. :P

Fixed the links, BTW. :)) Checkitcheckit out. :D

[edit] I'll be updating my accounts... because I'm no longer 17. xD

[edit] I will not talk about Rebecca Black because I'm pretty sure we all know who she is and why she's so famous. :| I actually like Bieber now. Atleast his songs have concepts.

:3

2011-03-15T13:41:00.002+08:00

Last time I check, it was 3:48 AM. I don't think I fell asleep, but since I was dreaming I might have. I remember the last chapters I read off of Linger. Sam and Grace together on a bed. Except I didn't see them. I saw myself hand-in-hand with Marcgell. Selfishly enjoying each other's company. We didn't have to do anything. We didn't have to talk. The mere fact that he wasn't with someone else, someplace else, made me feel at ease.

And then I woke up because my phone is ringing. Marcgell. Him calling at this time of the day isn't new to me. I answered and put my phone to my ear. We talked for a bit, and I forgot what he was saying because I drifted away… and then he was shouting in my ear and woke me up. I told him I was awake. And then I couldn't breathe. Sudden asthma attack? My windpipe closing in due to allergy? I couldn't breathe, and I couldn't move. I thought I was dying and I had Marcgell on the other line…

And then I woke up. I really couldn't breathe. I struggled to get up and drink half of my morning water. I slumped back down to my pillows to relax. I took. my phone. 4:35 AM. I hardly had time to sleep, then. On the other bed, my roommate tossed and turned, waiting for the others to finish taking their baths. I turned away from her and faced the wall. As I was tucking my phone under my pillow, I received a message from the frustrated Marcgell. So, it was almost 5AM and he was still working. Me? I watched Glee, and Big Bang Music Videos and Performances. I read fanfics and a few chapters of Linger. The only productive thing I did that night was 2 fail poems for my Creative Writing class.

Oh, Love!

2011-03-13T02:03:00.003+08:00

"Love is being stupid together."

I read this in one of the heart-shaped cut-outs in the third floor stretch. I'm familiar with this quote, I've read this tens of times before. I always did agree. But right not, well, I guess I've changed somehow. I beg to disagree.

Having fun together doesn't always need to be stupid, or doing stupid things together. Sometimes, stupid things get you into trouble. For example, crashing into a club and getting drunk and high, with music bouncing off the walls. Sounds like a party, right? And parties are fun, right? But, what if you're a minor? Drinking is illegal. BTW, I'm finally legal, yey~! Anyway, what if you get robbed, mobbed, date-raped. DI BA? Being stupid isn't always fun. And having fun does not require one to be stupid.

Love is being stupid together. Love for work, isn't stupid. Being committed to your job, to what feeds your family, is not stupid. Love between friends isn't stupid. Eating lunch together, shopping together, doing each others nails and make-up isn't stupid.

If whoever wrote the quote means, "falling for someone unexpectedly, doing things you never thought you'd do," then I forgive him or her. Not that he or she has done much of a sin.

We are but just human beings. We want the best things in the world. We set standards, we have requirements for a partner. We have our ideal type. But, this is what the quote author prolly thought stupid, or weird,: when you fall for someone out of your ideal. He or She be the exemption. To me, it's really stupid to say "I want this, I want that" then falling for someone rather different. Boo you. You are just human, like them, like me. (But I'm not saying people should stop setting standards. Think, people. You don't have to settle for someone, uhm, unpleasing….)

Love works this way: you fall for each other stupid, then you grow together wise. You might do stupid things, but you learn. After some time, you might feel like, maybe, you're growing apart, but actually, you're just learning to handle things even when you're not physically together. You learn how to control each others feelings (not in a perverted manipulation, okay?). You become wise, and yet, you stay madly in-love. :)

L'important

2011-03-12T22:05:00.005+08:00

Ang Himig Kalay ay para sa mga magagaling kumanta, marunong kumanta, gustong matutong kumanta… Sa mga adik sa pagkanta, parang adik 'pag kumanta… Sa mga walang ibang gustong gawin kundi kumanta, sa mga kumakanta 'pag walang magawa…

"Magandang gabi, Kalayaan Residents. Inaanyayaan namin ang lahat para mag-sign up sa Himig Kalay, ang official na Singing Club ng Kalayaan. Lahat ng interesado, mag-sign up lamang sa RA Counter. Inuulit ko, lahat…"

Bumaba ako agad papuntang RA Counter nung in-announce over the intercom na open na ang sign-up for Himig Kalay. Naaalala ko pa kung sino-sino 'yung mga nakasabay kong nag-audition: Tintin, Nico, Edwin, Ray Ben, May, Davian, Annie ng Bicol na taga-CF2, at 'yung friend ni Fau na 'di ko na maalala 'yung name. Naaalala ko, wala pang adviser. Sina Kuya Dennis at Kuya John palang 'yung temporary na naghahawak ng club. Pinakanta nila kami isa-isa. Since ang alam ko lang na kanta ay Unfaithful, at ni-request naman ni Kuya Dennis na mag-Rihanna ako, 'yun nalang kinanta ko. Nakalimutan ko na nga 'yung lyrics, eh. Pero, it doesn't matter. Lahat kami, kinuha nila. Ganun kasi talaga 'yun. 'Yung mismong audition, trip lang. Pang-check lang ng confidence level. Lahat ng nagsulat sa sign-up sheet, pasok na.

First performance namin sa Acquaintance Party. 'Yun 'yung formal na introduction ng Himig Kalay! Dumating na rin 'yung adviser namin, si Ate Nina! Kami-kami lang 'yung nagturo sa isa't-isa. Si Ate Nina, sinabi n'ya kung anong mali, tapos we had to figure out how to fix ourselves. Lupang Hinirang, tapos isang religious song na hindi ko alam ang title. Fail pa ako 'nun. Since 'di ko alam 'yung sa doxo song, nagha-hum-hum lang ako. Katabi ko pa si Aivi Porn, na 'di rin alam 'yung kanta! Pero, it turned out well naman daw...

First performance outside Kalay, sa International Center! Excited ang lahat, syempre! Tapos, nag-bonding pa before this. Nag-dye kami ng shirts. Dito rin 'yung first cold war. Super dami pa namin nuon, pero super dami rin nawala nung performance na mismo. Dahil masyado kaming marami, ang hirap mag-meet ng ugali ng iba. Nagka-problema tuloy kami. Still, kahit na medyo fail 'yung performance, na-enjoy pa rin namin. First pay, with free food paaa~ Oh, free food~!

First, and hopefully the only, performance na na-miss ko, 'yung Opening ng Sports Fest! Nag-puyat kasi kami night before to perfect the songs. Ayun, pag-gising ko, nabasa kong text, "in 15 minutes..." something, something. Habang naliligo ako, ayun, nagstart na sila... at natapos na sila... at super sad ako.

Sa Himig ko nalaman na I'm a bad singer (as in lahat ng mali sa pagkanta, meron ako), pero, at the same time, ang Himig ang ayaw talaga akong pakawalan because I have a future. Sa Himig, nagpupuyat ako para matututo ng isang kanta, pero sa Himig ko rin naririnig na "mag-aral ka muna, may exam ka ba?" Ang Himig 'yung group, na may commitment ako, that requires sooo much time but gives more in return. Hindi s'ya tulad ng corridor na, lahat mag-wowork walang exam-exam. Hindi s'ya tulad ng Physics na, 'pag nag-shift out ka na, wala na... Ang pinakanakakatuwa sa lahat, kahit walang magsasabi ng totoo, alam namin sa boses ng isa't-isa kung ano talaga meron. Kahit sabihin mong wala kang problema alam nila. At hindi lang alam nila, they'll do something about it. Walang practice, walang kanta-kanta. Let's talk about it, or, let's not talk about it. We should atleast do something to take it off your mind.

Overall, super happy-sad-happy-whoooooaaaaa-happy-stress-happy-whooooaaaa-happy ang Himig. :)) I will now and forever be singing with you in mind. Parang high school lang, pero, I had the best Freshie memories with you Davian, Tintin, Esjie, Paul, Rey Ben, Lawrence, Keith, Olan, Nico, Karen, Gai, and Naomi. :)

and, BTW, hindi ko sa FB ippost...

AZURIN, WENDI LAUREEN I.

BS Kalay

Major in Himig

[editted] 18 na ko :)

2011-03-10T21:38:00.007+08:00

Thank you, Lord, for giving me another year to cause chaos in the world. :))

Maraming salamat sa mga nag-wish for my happy birthday! Maraming salamat:

kina Marian, Michoi, Irah;
sa mga Kalay Friends (kina Louis Estrada, Niña Lucero, Mariel, Gabbie Oserraos, Pauli, Kyno, Sarah & Go, Camille Calma, Ethel, Ran, JayR, Arvee, Maikko Argonza, Nate Casanova, Mikee, Ian Biagtan, Theo Musni, Edwin Anadon, Leo, France, Jonnel...) lalo na sa GA (Chan, Myrtle, Badette Toledo, Janni, Chrissa, Julie, Ate Zay, Essa, Jen, Gilleanne, Niña Rivera, Jackie, Macey, Ruby Jane, Trinette, Czam, Nadine, Angely, Ola, Shane Golo, Azel...), at sa BA23 (HB, Clarus, Gio, D, Yusay, Shin Boo...);
sa Physics Friends (Reza, Jayjay, JD, JK, Nicole, Julia, Merylle, Xavier, Ace, Art, ML, Peter Paul, Peter John, Adrian, Pam, Isabelle, Exur, Elsie, Shaminna Hannah, Bimbo, Robby, Shar Mae, Lheander, Aiko, ChaCha, ...);
sa Himig Kalay (Olan, Tintin, Keith, Davian, Gai, Paul, Nico, Bruno Mars Ray Ben, Karen, Lawrence, Esjie, Ate Nina);
kina Gab Ocama, Dox, Nicole Sanchez, Kiel Miclat, Raissa Anne;
sa mga Pisayers (Hanna Thea, Ate Girlie, Kuya Daryll, Nae, Rejy, Kuya Jay, Kuya Iel, Ate Ian, Kuya Leo Bert, Ate Dianne, Charissma, Jel, Kristia, Shane Castro, Nate Domingo, Penny, Myles, Darien, Kuya Rommel, Kuya Alvin, Kuya Kayvee, Ryan Wong, Ate Ina, Kuya Tri, Elyka, Kuya Vinci, Paolo Sandoval, Dren...) lalo na sa aking mga pinakamamahal na batchmates, sa eMeMeX (Albei, Vil, Raymart, Jia, Mia, Francienne,Romeo, Xtian, Martin, Mea, Justin, Jayson, Karlo, Oscar, Fed Jemar, Nevin, Fhae, Kristoffer, Reyna, Ashley Ryan, Pajas, JB, Nix & her boyfriend Rdean, Kim Chan, Andrew ...);
kina Chino Singson, Jeanne-lyn, Zeagal, Aleizzah, JP, Em Villanueva, Ate Jizelle, Dianne Erica, Sharmaine, Lean Monique;
kina Kevin Aldrin and his younger brother, Ate Natalie Joy, Francis Roxas, Ate Tessa, Ronn Earl;
kay Pochie (na orgmate ni Marcgell);
kay Ate Janine (na childhood friend ni Lei);
kay Kuya Barney (kuya ni Irah Babe), Kyla Bigay;
kay Gloverly Estrada (na na-meet ko sa contest ng Research);
sa drummer ng Letter Day Story, EJ Arabit;
sa guitarist ng Eevee, Paolo Segura (akala ko di mo ko iggreet, magtatampo na sana ako, di ko lang pala nabasa agad...);
kay Geneva;
kina JeYa, Rexor, Ajang (my brothers' friends);
kina Kamille Jovette, Martz Alviedo, Bruce Barba, Tonton Rabang;
kina Clarisse Nica, Ceres (wonderstar@RB);
kina Sheena Garcia, Mae Linn Sora (Marian's AP12 friends);
kina Tita Vangie (my mom's officemate), Tita Jean Marie Vicente (mom ni Nesthie);
sa Mom and Dad ni Marcgell;
sa FdC (Gemoelle, Shonique, Sherwin, Camille Eugenio, Tinai);
kina Ma'am Likha (Geol11 Lab), Ma'am Rea(Chem16 Lab), Ma'am Sharon (Pisay Lab) (tambay talaga ako kapag Lab :) I love Lab!), Sir Bobby;
sa Family ko (Mommy, Daddy, Lei, Eigie, Gemille, Tita Lyn, Mamang Lily, Kuya Peewee, Ate Mae Oliva, Arden Tate, Tita Bambi Itum...);
sa mga nag-greet sakin na di ko kilala, CW10 class ko(sina Timothy, Roy, at Ace lang kilala ko... and I listed Ace under Physics na, and Roy didn't greet me.), 'yung dalawang members ng Indak Kalay (si Steph pala 'yung isa), at yung nag-text sakin na unknown number;
kay Marcgell

Thank you sa Ghost Girl na hard bound na original print! Naiyak talaga ako kasi first time kong maka-receive ng book on my birthday. Every birthday ko, since Grade 5, nagwiwish na 'ko na may magbigay sakin ng book. I always ended up buying myself a good book on my birthday. Ngayon, yey! At malamang, galing din sa mga mahilig mag-basa. THANK YOU MARIAN, MICHOI, and IRAH!!!

Malamang ang ganda ng pagkanta ng Himig ng Happy Birthday. May dynamics, powers, and all that shiz pang nalalaman. :) Akala ko 'yun na, kasi natuwa na ako na 'yun lang... 'Yun pala, may 18 cookies + 18 candles pa. x) Tapos, the guys, kinantahan at isinayaw pa ko. :) Though, hindi umabot ng 18, okay na. Thank you Maikko Argonza na dumagdag para dumami yung guys sa Himig!

Hay naku, Marcgell. :P Kahit hindi mo nagawa yung unang sinabi ko, sana bumawi ka sa ibang classes mo. :)) I still love you!

[ kung kulang 'yung list, sorry. PM me, I'll update it. ]

[ syempre maraming nag-overlap, pero, di naman 'yun ang mahalaga, basta ma-list ko kayong lahat... ]

[originally posted March 12 9:43 PM]

[editted] Stress Week

2011-03-06T23:59:00.005+08:00

Using the term "Hell Week" is so stereotype. :O

ANYWAY, the dorm is celebrating the annual Kalay Week. We all know all celebrations need preparations and all that sh-.

March 04 - Wacky Day

March 05 - Open House

March 08 - Mr&Ms Kalay Opening

March 09 - Mr&Ms Kalay Talents Night

March 10 - Mr&Ms Kalay Q&A

March 11 - Formal Dinner: Golden Oble Awards

----

Wacky Day was great. Okay, there were a few KJs (ack, I hate them.) that didn't even bother look for something to wear. Well, they had to pay 200php for every entrance/exit, so, boo them.

I dressed up as a fairy... I'm such a failure tho, forgot to get my wings. x__x But, atleast, everybody knew what I was dressed as, so, I'm glad. And I remember what Jackie told me, "buti nalang dito sa UP, walang pakealamanan. Kung hindi, mamamatay ako sa hiya."

My favorite costume would be Captain Jack Sparrow. :O SOOOO COOOOOL. And I'm illegally posting the link here. Look at him, he's so cool! :O

I wasn't stressed too much about dressing up. Sanay na rin kasi akong napagtitripan ng dorm, dressing up with garbage bags were worse.

---

The Open House was a lot more stressful. Take note, before the Open House is the Wacky Day. Overnight, we had to decorate our corridors. =__=; We had to work til 4AM. It's hard to work when your corridor is seperated into three floors. So, we just worked separately. We agreed that the 1st floor would do Underworld, 2nd floor with Human World, and 3rd floor, us, with Mount Olympus (Heaven). We are so cool and selfish... and bored... and hungry... and so sabaw... Thinking of that night, we really were so random. We'd fight over clouds. We'd argue with the FM radio station. We'd eat each other! No, kidding. :P

The bright side: (1) we were all able to explore the dorm, the guys could go to the girls' wing, and the girls can go to the boys' wing; (2) Marcgell came; (3) GA 3rd Floor likes Marcgell; (4) Himig Kalay likes Marcgell; and, of course, (5) I like being with Marcgell. AH, wait, what was I talking about?

---

That night, Kalay had the Peryahan or something, where each corridor had to set up a booth. Anyway, Himig didn't join in. :( It's sad that we missed it. But, atleast, we were able to perform in Ilang's Formal Dinner.

We performed The Lion Sleeps Tonight (which I was supposedly studying last weekend, when I was with Marcgell), L'important (a French song... and I missed the training for the 3rd verse), and Just The Way You Are (which I missed all trainings because I was in LB, and Marcgell was sick). First of all, the Lion Sleeps Tonight is a really hard piece. I am really really really sorry that I kept on skipping parts. L'important, as I said, is a French song. I'm sorry I'm not French. Just the Way You Are, well, I love Bruno Mars. But, I hate not being the melody, so, sorry. :|

But, overall, pinakain naman kami ng Ilang kahit andami kong napansing mali ko. And Marcgell met my choir (that seems to be an org, sometimes). They like him a lot. :) I'm so happy!

---

Himig Kalay will be performing in every Mr&Ms Kalay event. Help us. :O

---

I have Math, Physics, and Chem LEs. Oh, help me.

Wishlist

2011-02-27T03:13:00.005+08:00

It's almost that time again, and just like last year, I don't have a list. It's rare that I don't have a list of what I want. If you've been following my blogs since I was 12, you would know. I have a wishlist for Christmas, separate for my Birthday Wishlist... I used to have tens of wishlists. I guess I've grown out of it since I'm a cool college kid now. Or maybe because it's rare that people give me what I want. Why spend my time wishing for this and that when I won't have it in the end?

ANYWAY, it's almost here, but not quite, so I still don't know what I want for my birthday. :3 I have someone on my mind, I don't have much time to think of something so trivial.

Into It: Cinderella (the Little Glass Slipper)

2011-02-27T02:13:00.005+08:00

[original tiltle: I'll Walk to Hell with Glass Slippers]

I was reading The Tales of Mother Goose by Charles Perrault. Yes, I read or watch when I'm bored. I am for art and not for calculating velocities and forces. Anyways, the first story is everyone's favorite. Well, atleast I know we're all familiar with Cinderella, or the Little Glass Slipper. And, here I am again, being a "hater", being an "anti-fan". I have issues with fairy tales, I noticed. I will not stop myself and share my thoughts. Worship me, World.

This is the whole truth behind Cinderella's story...

Cinderella is actually a rich kid with a greedy step-mother and step sisters. Her dad is still alive. He just let Cinderella be a slave. Whattadad. Anyway, she was turned into an all-around maid, and she stayed nice to everyone.

What kind of a gentleman, as it was written in the story, would marry someone who was obviously a witch? He is Cinderella's father. He who was supposedly a gentleman let her suffer. He let her prepare the food and wash the dishes after. She wasn't even allowed to eat with her own family? I will not complain about this, but since they called Cinderella's dad a "gentleman", I can not let this slide.

Oh, and, is Cinderella a masochist? Why does she love her family when they don't even treat her like family? She's like sh- to them. MASO. :O

One time, the Royal Family invited everyone to a ball. Of course, Cinderella's step-sisters went. She was left home crying until a fairy godmother appeared. She used magic and turned Cinderella into a princess with a "coach fit for royalty." Her fairy godmother specifically said to get back home BEFORE midnight.

Her step-sisters asked her, "wouldn't you like to go to the ball?" I know that in her situation, it is hard to be honest and just say yes. But, why, then, did she need to lie? Is lying okay because you can't tell the truth? I understand that she couldn't help but cry when they left her alone. But, in the first place, she said she didn't want to come. It's hard to say I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep. Don't say something you don't mean.

She arrives at the court and the prince takes her by the hand. During the dinner, she sat down beside her sisters and gave them some of the "oranges and citrons" that the prince gave her. The clock strikes quarter to 12 and she bids goodbye.

Why the hell didn't the prince ask her name? He's a player. Girls, listen up. If a guy takes you by the hand to wherever nice place there is, but doesn't even ask your name, it is either (one) you are too beautiful he forgot to ask, or (two) he doesn't expect to see you after that night. Player.

Cinderella gave some of the food the prince gives her. Whattabitch. The guy offers you food, you take it then give it to someone else? WHATTHEHECK. And, her sisters. They never realized it was Cinderella, she was technically a stranger, but they ate the food. WHATTHEHECK. Didn't their parents ever told them not to talk to strangers? What more to eat food FROM strangers, right? Cinderella could've easily poisoned them. She should have.

There was another ball the next day. Cinderella asked Charlotte to lend her a dress. Charlotte is not out of her mind. BUT, Cinderella IS happy she didn't get what she asked for. The sisters went to the ball again, and so did Cinderella. The prince was beside her all the time, his sweet talk never ceasing. Cinderella almost forgot that she was not to stay out 'til midnight. She left one of her glass slippers while running away.

So, the ball is kind of like clubbing then? Every single night, we party~! Or atleast I hope I did. Anyway. Why the hell did Cinderella ask to borrow clothes from Charlotte, her evil step-sister, expecting she's be rejected, and then be happy she really did got rejected? One answer, ladies and gentlemen. Cinderella is a MASO.

The prince woos Cinderella with his sweet talk but still didn't ask for her name. It is either (one) he was madly in-love with Cinderella's beauty that names didn't matter, (two) he's pretending they already know each other that much, or (three) he knows that Cinderella is a dimwit. Second date, and it's the night after the first, and she didn't notice that the prince never asked for her name? GIRLS, never date guys that don't even know your name. GUYS, don't ever use the "you are so beautiful I forgot to ask for your name" excuse. You'll just be admitting you go for looks.

Honestly, when I was a kid, I saw Disney's version of Cinderella a million times. Yes, I counted. And, I will be honest, I wanted glass slippers, too. But now that I am this old (no, not really, I'm young), I know that shoes with heels aren't comfortable. What more if they are made of glass. How on earth did Cinderella manage to walk, dance, stand, and smile with those uncomfortable shoes? And how, tell me, please, did one of her "slippers" get left behind? So, are those slippers a little loose? I have years of experience with high heels (well, not really), and I don't think I can endure wearing glass slippers (that are cold to the feet and uncomfortable in general) that are loose. The material is hard enough to explain.

The prince announces he would marry she whose foot fits the glass slipper.

OKAY, hold on a sec. I can easily say I want to end up married with Marcgell because I've known him for so long, AND, at least, he is my boyfriend. BUT, I can not believe that a prince would be too tactless to announce such thing because (one) they've seen each other just twice, and (two) they're not even boyfriend-girlfriend. This prince is also so stupid. Did he not know about shoe sizes? There are millions of fives in this world, including me. It is just too unbelievable that Cinderella would be the only one. Oh, right, it did not mention that she was a size 5, but I figured since it's a princess' size, it should be MY size. Hoho~

So, yes. When Cinderella's foot fitted the shoe, she pulls out of her pocket the other slipper. She then marries the prince and they live happily ever after.

I wonder if the prince ever asked her name. :P I wonder if this is the reason why there are a lot of teens my age that elope or do other as crazy things with people that they just met. Maybe these girls also shared a few hours of talking with their princes, who never even bother ask about their names. They just announce themselves in-love and they get into big trouble... or a little trouble that gets bigger in nine months. :|

Where is the sweet little girl in me? =__=;; Why so serious, Wendi? Haish.

Happy Weekend

2011-02-23T18:04:00.000+08:00

I immidiately turn my laptop on, an idea is killing me. As always, I play all the songs I have. Justin Bieber's That Should Be Me plays. WTH?! JUSTIN BIEBER? I forgot that I have all JB albums. Amazing! I copied it from Lei, who copied it from someone else, who copied it from some other person, and...

OHF. I forgot what I was about to write. Thank you, JB. You really do invade people's minds. And your song isn't even good.

Just when I was thinking of blogging about Bieber instead, I realized I wanted to blog about recent events. :)

Last weekend Marcgell came here in Diliman. Yey! :) Yes, I'm super happy, World. Thank you. Anyway, I just noticed that we were both wearing green on Saturday (though he changed to white later that day), and white on Sunday. Ate Mayet (the guard on duty) knows my family. She knows everyone who visits me in the dorm: my Dad, Lei, Elisa, Ivana, Reyna... but she doesn't know Marcgell. When she asked me if he is my boyfriend, I even had this idea of lying and saying he is my brother. HAHA! But she already saw Arden, she knows my brothers are big chubby guys. So, I just gave her an honest smile and said yes.

More about the weekend, because my Dad doesn't like me to stay in the Fair 'til 2AM, we left before midnight. (Now I am seriously conscious about these things.) But I was able to exchange a few words with Kuya Paolo, Kuya Craig and Kuya Jerric, so, I'm glad. I suddenly miss going to Eevee's and Letter Day Story's gigs. But, being with eMeMeX is equally fun, so, yey to my weekend! Spent most of the time with friends from ADMU. And I met Adrian Begonia, a.k.a. Beggy. He's so cute and funny... I think he is exactly what Fhae needs in her life. :3 hohoho~

IDK, I'm not really organized today. But the point is, Marcgell and Raymart, Reyna and Jester, and Jam, visited Diliman this weekend. We had so much fun though we didn't do much but share stories over cards and food, in McDO, in KFC, in Zekaf. And, again, I give credit to Marcgell for being a great boyfriend. Lordom and Moses said they like you, and that we're cute together. IDK if they're just saying that because I look good enough for the both of us or we really do look good together. HAHA. Kidding! :P

I need to learn how to focus on one topic. I suck.

KBye.

Need to Post

2011-02-21T02:19:00.003+08:00

Hey, guys! I'll post something later or tmrw or in a few days (LOL). Meanwhile....

Marcgell Adrian, you make me smile. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you sooo much!!! :)))

Into It: Tangled

2011-02-16T19:38:00.002+08:00

What she doesn't know won't kill her. --Rapunzel

This is so wrong. Tangled really is teaching something bad to kids. Rapunzel promised not to ask to go out of their tower, so, instead, she did not tell her Mother that she will go out. What's worse is, she made her Mom go into a trip. That way, she'll never know, no harm done. NOT. Wait, another wrong turn, she went out with a stranger, a guy, a thief. Come on, Rapunzel. Yes, you are a bad daughter.

When a tree falls down and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? When there is no light, does an object cast a shadow? Doing something bad, even if no one else knows it, doesn't change the fact that you've sinned. And just for the record, when a tree falls downs and nobody is around, it still makes a sound. Dude, Law of Conservation of Energy. :O And when there is no light, I still do wanna know if an object casts a shadow. I still can't think of a good answer.

Yes, yes, I know that "her mother" wasn't really her mother, and that she used Rapunzel, enslaved her even. But still, that young lady should show a little respect.

It gives the wrong idea that what we think is right will always turn out as the right decision. "Follow your heart." It doesn't always end up like Rapunzel's story. In real life, people should take good care of themselves. Be wise, but be nice. AND WE SHOULD ALL LISTEN TO OUR PARENTS. I know that I want to do what my parents tell me. If ever I've been a bad girl, I am sorry. I am trying my best to be a good person... at the same time, I don't want to be boring and antisocial.

Wait, I'm not contradicting myself, am I? Haha.

Anyway, about the movie... it was heart-breaking. It made me cry, funny as it seems. After all that sh- I wrote, right? Haha.

[edit Feb 17]

I wrote this yesterday, before I asked my Mom to call. I'm actually okay with it, that my parents won't let me go to the Fair. Srsly. One, it'd be boring if I went out with some of the girls in my corridor since some have their boyfriends and I'm not really close to them. Two, it's too tiring. Three, there's no Eevee. Four, there's no Marcgell. So, fine, I don't wanna go to Love Rage, anyway.

BUT NOW, Kuya JC offered TWO FREE Love Rage tickets. TWO. FREE. :| I wanted to take one, but, I chickened out. Well, after posting this, I can't possibly do something against my parents will. And, what, Marcgell's not around. It won't be fun without him.

Okay. :) I'm okay now. :)

Feb 14 END

2011-02-14T23:58:00.001+08:00

UP FAIR. Feat. Urbandub.

I met more of Marcgell's Orgmates. :) I can still remember those I've met before, so I hope I can still remember those I met tonight. They all look fun and nice. I need an org like that. :O

Chan texted me and told me I received lots of flowers and chocolates from my admirers. I worry that my side of the room is congested with such. Sana hindi langgamin... at sana nakakahinga pa si Chan sa "dami" raw ng stuff...

ANYWAY, to me, those things don't matter. Tomorrow those flowers will prolly look like shit. And those chocolates would just cause allergies to Marian. And I love Marian soo much that I want to share those to her. I'm not just saying this to bribe her. :O MARIAN, I'M SO SORRY. :((

My mind is a slushy. :| That's all I can think of.

Kbye.

Feb 14 ON-GOING

2011-02-14T19:52:00.003+08:00

I'm not worrying about my Chem Lab Practical Exam. :)) I've been preparing for this the whole week. Well, no, not really. :P I prepared for Math, too.

ANYWAY, my point is, I am confident that I will pass this sh... Peace of Zinc. I've read the manual four or five times now, plus those pa-simpleng reviews when I have nothing to do. And, I did not slack off in Lab. I am guilty of spacing out during Lec. Lec, we do nothing but waste time. Lab, we do miracles. Ack, corny. :O

I'm jealous of my Physics mates. They have Physics exam tmrw, too. :|

Feb 14 START

2011-02-14T02:14:00.006+08:00

My internet connection is too slow, so I can't fix my blog. And since I can't fix my blog, let's all just stay calm and enjoy the bumpy ride.

BTW, I want to greet everyone a HAPPY HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! Shout out to my Physics friends, to eMeMeX, to the other Pisayers (esp. those in IRC)~! I know you guys read my blog even if you just open it in an incognito tab :) Next time, stalk someone else.

Speaking of stalking, I might stop calling you guys "fans" (whether you like it or not), and start calling you followers. :) Or worshipers?? Haha! I kid! :) I just feel so loved right now since I get sooo many blog views. You like it, don't you? You know what I'm up to, and all I know about you is that. :) Love me, hate me, you follow my blog. :) Aww, that's so cute. Reminder to my new readers, everything in this blog is of my point of view, based on my experience, and coated with my own spices. Understand that some things may actually be fragments of pure imagination. I don't like people thinking too much. :| It makes me look stupid.

And, so... Since tens of my friends and others asked me what my plan for today is, I shall blog about it instead. Besides, that's what you guys like, right? :)

I plan to sleep the whole day. After my Physics mates' exam, maybe I can go out with them instead. MAYBE. Or, as Chan said it, we can go Partying instead. :) Our definition of partying varies on certain occasions. In this situation, we pig out. Haha.

I wanted to do something else... But, now that I'm in such a crappy mood, I'll just sleep and hope my dreams are not haunted.